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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #31  
Old 11-28-2019, 01:12 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Originally Posted by SingleDad2Kids View Post
Never been charged and we are careful to move to another room or wait until the kids are asleep before talking.

People keep asking if the kids know something is going on and we both say NO. As far as the kids are concerned everything is great!
why did you got to counseling for anger management?
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  #32  
Old 11-28-2019, 01:16 PM
LovingDad1234 LovingDad1234 is online now
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I just don't see why this process needs to drag on?
The court does not just make decisions on a whim. Decisions can only be made through a Motion or Trial, with evidence and argument, etc...

So if she filed in court, you will have a Case Conference which will cost you thousands. This money is easily spent by having your lawyer review her brief. To get you to spend more money, she will file LONG briefs which your lawyer will take 5 hours to read and "analyze". Then your lawyer will review your brief, even unnecessarily re-write or reformat it taking 5 hours of time, and then he/she attends the Case Conference to sit next to you, which may be all day. Kiss thousands of dollars goodbye.

At the Case Conference you are told to go away and negotiate a settlement and they will schedule a Settlement Conference. Repeat the process. You will spend thousands as your lawyer will review her Settlement Conference brief, review your brief, and again attend the Settlement Conference to sit next to you, sometimes all day. Some lawyers dont even talk during these things. You get all excited for the day of the Settlement Conference to arrive because it has been looming for months and you want closure, but it'll be a HUGE let down. The judge will be vague, not take sides or opinion, and simply tell both of you to go home and work it out. Judges cannot make decisions at Settlement Conferences, yet are all to eager to schedule them because they don't want matters to go to trial. They will then set another Settlement Conference for 6 months down the road to see where you are at. And the process repeats itself over and over, until you run out of money. I have met people who had a dozen settlement conferences.

After you run out of money, you need to let your lawyer go, and then are stuck to do the Motion or Trial yourself because what you NEED is decisions in place on custody and access. Do not move from the house, and do not accept anything less than 50/50.
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  #33  
Old 11-28-2019, 01:59 PM
SingleDad2Kids SingleDad2Kids is offline
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Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
why did you got to counseling for anger management?
- it was something that came out of my marriage session and I decided that I needed help so I sought it out and to be honest I feel like a new person. My professional, personal, and relationship with my children are all better because I am making this commitment.
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  #34  
Old 11-28-2019, 03:18 PM
LovingDad1234 LovingDad1234 is online now
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Originally Posted by SingleDad2Kids View Post
... we cannot agree on a custody arrangement.
Sorry, don't mean to belabor this but the 1st thing that needs clarification is the difference between "Custody" and "Access" (Parenting Time). Its referred to nowadays as "Parenting Time" as the term "Access" is no longer appropriate. It diminishes the other parent in terms of their role, where 1 parent is seen as a parent and the other having access to their kids (made it sound like they were visitors and other parent superior). For all intents and purposes, both parents "parent" their kids during their time with them.

Custody and Access are 2 very different things that get mixed up regularly by people who haven't been through the grind. "Custody" only relates to decision making for the kids medical, education and religion. It has nothing to do with the time you spend with your kids. For example, it is possible (yet unlikely) for your wife to have sole custody of the kids, yet you spend 95% of the time with the kids.

In your situation, it sounds more like it'll be a battle for "Access" or "parenting time". There is no reason for you not to have 50/50 and in 95% of the cases, the argument over the % of time the kids spend with the other parent has nothing to do with time, but rather Child Support payments. In your case, your wife wants less than 50/50 so that she does not have to pay YOU child support, as she earns more than you. Don't be a push over and fight for 50/50. Anything less means you are accepting of being a lesser parent, which you obviously aren't.
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  #35  
Old 11-30-2019, 09:55 AM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Originally Posted by SingleDad2Kids View Post
I decided that I needed help so I sought it out and to be honest I feel like a new person. My professional, personal, and relationship with my children are all better because I am making this commitment.
Do you have any evidence that you are a "new person"? Anything objective at all?

It sucks but going to counselling is evidence that you do in fact have anger issues.

To be clear, if you yell at your ex at all in the next couple of months and she somehow gets it witnessed or recorded, you are a deep trouble. If you touch her at all you will have immediately lost.

You might want to start recording all your interactions with the ex. Not only might it save you, but knowing that you are being recorded (even by yourself) might serve to remind you that everything you do front this point forward will be under a microscope.
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