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  • Unagreed on extracurricular activities

    If you can prove via email you mutually decided to not enroll a child in a certain high cost sport and the ex and her husband unilaterally enrolled your child (interrupting) your visitation...would that be beneficial if this was taken to court?

    It has come to my knowledge my children's step father enrolled one of our kids and signed off as their father...and now I am being badgered for contribution when I still do not consent to it.

    I pay full support and believe ordinary sports are covered. This one sport in particular can be very costly down the road (time and money)

    Main issue is we agreed we wouldn't go down this path and they have unilaterally have chosen to disregarding my visitation rights.

  • #2
    In addition my ex is famous for never giving reasonable notice or asking for consent which has resulted in my (no receipt, no payment, no consent, no payment) attitude. We're dealing with $27,000 in ortho treatments at the moment for 3 of the 4 children. Which to me take precedence over high cost activities. Especially when I have to pay 88% and take out loans to do so.

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    • #3
      Oops was supposed to be a new thread about the budget :newbie:

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      • #4
        have a read through my threads re activities on other parents time and unilateral s7 expenses.

        what does your order say about s7 expenses?

        if you didn't agree and other parent enrolled the child unilaterally and just asked you to pay you don't have to pay. matter of fact it gives you every reason not to pay. furthermore, sports are not a necessity for children.

        Don't take the child to activity on your time and don't pay her a penny if you don't agree with the unilateral decision. this would be no different than you telling the other parent to take child to dairy queen every Tuesday and Thursday evening that she has child.

        Judge has wished the other parent tough luck in my situation.
        Last edited by trinton; 05-22-2017, 06:25 PM.

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        • #5
          Thanks I'll take a look at your posts!

          Our agreement says that either parent has to give notice and obtain consent or there will be no contribution. This is more over the principle that we agreed we wouldn't go down this path with this activity and the step-father took it upon himself to register my son disregarding my visitation rights.

          I don't think my ex would have done this one her own.

          We agreed to a lower less competitive level just so child could play for fun. This is year 3 now that they will be signing him up without my consent, the two times prior I didn't even receive notice....I believe I only got notice this time because they were told by the lawyer that they can't do much about it if they can't prove I was ever "asked, or notified"

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          • #6
            May I ask what this sport it? First thing that comes to mind is baseball... if the child has played in the lower levels for three years maybe he is ready to try out for the competitive league? I understand where you are coming from but if this is something the child really wants is there any way you can make it work?

            Not sure where you are from but I know the competitive league around us for ball plays most weekends and is often in different towns... it is for sure a big commitment but some kids don't like just playing for fun and enjoy the competition. My youngest brother for example loved ball but he was well above the skill level of the house league players... he was so bored playing with him... he did competitive ball for a few years until he moved on but he would have quit ball a long time ago if there was not the competitive level.

            If it's something you can make work then I would... if you can join in on your weekends that's awesome otherwise tell mom you will do your best but you will not guarantee the child will be there on your time


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            • #7
              It's hockey and my children live 200 km from our marital residence, so unfortunately, no, I still disagree on travelling both Saturdays and Sunday's with 4 children for this particular activity. And I refuse to give up my weekends with him from October until April on a yearly basis...

              Not every child gets to pick and choose their activities (I am all for sports, was very active myself) but hockey was always a firm no and we agreed on that until the step father pushed for it.

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              • #8
                I think you already got your answer.

                You said no, so you don't pay. You said no, so he doesn't go on your time unless you decide to bring him.

                Sounds like mom moved away so maybe if you know your kid wants to play, offer to put him in in your town, where they originally lived. Then she can be on the hook for the travel and your kid gets to play. If it is not something you can do financially, then say you will take him if he plays in your town but you cannot and will not pay for it. Competitive sports are great but not worth loosing your house over. It's easy for the parent who is only responsible for 12% of the cost to push it!

                Either way, when she sends a request simply reply with as per our court order, S7 expenses are to be agreed upon. We did not agree on this expense and therefore, I will not contribute to it.

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                • #9
                  i have done exactly that. And now contemplating setting a yearly budget per year per child specifically for sports. But paying 88% of them does add up. I can probably afford $200 extra a month which gives each child $600 my share. According to her this is the cost of the registration fee alone plus maybe a pair of skates and does not include their hotels and gas etc...(I would be ok to pay the registration and some equip but then I am consenting to have very minimal time with my child) and I certainly do not want to pay their gas and hotels.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Tandem80 View Post
                    i have done exactly that. And now contemplating setting a yearly budget per year per child specifically for sports. But paying 88% of them does add up. I can probably afford $200 extra a month which gives each child $600 my share. According to her this is the cost of the registration fee alone plus maybe a pair of skates and does not include their hotels and gas etc...(I would be ok to pay the registration and some equip but then I am consenting to have very minimal time with my child) and I certainly do not want to pay their gas and hotels.
                    No Judge would expect you to pay their gas and hotels. That is not section 7 expense. Maybe let them know that if they register him in marital town (Because she chose to move away, you would not be giving up as much time with your son as you would if he were playing where she moved, and you cannot take on the driving expense) then you will pay your portion of the registration cost as you did not agree to the expense nor the driving it would entail. Stand your ground!

                    Section 7 expenses are extraordinary not everyday sports. If she registers them in swim lessons, child support covers your part of the expense. Rep hockey would be section 7 and it can get pricey but you said your order states they need your consent. Without that, you don't have to pay and they can take their complaining somewhere else.

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                    • #11
                      I am quite put off that the step father overstepped his bounds as well and has been signing off as my sons father to get him registered but that is a different topic.

                      Would like to know if extraordinary expenses for extra curricular activities means the costs to partake (travel, hotels, equip) or if it just the equipment and registration fee to be shared

                      I have talked to my son about hockey and what it entails and he said he would like to miss games to come see me but then he said his step dad throws a hissy fit and says mean things when he has to miss hockey to come for visits.

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                      • #12
                        Well his step father doesn't have a choice. You are under no obligation to give up your time especially given the distance. Stand firm on the no and exercise your access. Maybe then they will get tired of paying for a sport he only plays half the time


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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Tandem80 View Post
                          I am quite put off that the step father overstepped his bounds as well and has been signing off as my sons father to get him registered but that is a different topic.
                          Yeah he's not helping the situation. He's not your co-parent. Your former spouse is. It should be stritcly a decisionmade by you and the other parent and he should stay out of it. The courts would agree with me on this one. It's actually case law. He just comes off as an insecure guy who's got his panties in a bunch.

                          Originally posted by Tandem80 View Post
                          Would like to know if extraordinary expenses for extra curricular activities means the costs to partake (travel, hotels, equip) or if it just the equipment and registration fee to be shared
                          It means all costs. If you offer to take child to hockey locally then you have essentially implied that hockey is a necessity for your children.


                          Originally posted by Tandem80 View Post
                          I have talked to my son about hockey and what it entails and he said he would like to miss games to come see me but then he said his step dad throws a hissy fit and says mean things when he has to miss hockey to come for visits.
                          Keep letting him dig his own grave. Stand your ground. Don't give up time with your kids for something that duche wants your kids to be in. Tell your kids to tell him to be nice to him and not say mean things to him. Won't be long before your kids leave that dungeon and come with you full time.

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                          • #14
                            Alright then! They can keep paying for a sport my son will only partake in half of the time.

                            Once he is old enough to decide to not come see me because he doesn't want to miss his games (ugh, which is probably our destiny) then I will have to ask for make up time with him and she can bring him every weekend (drop off and pick up) to me until missed time is made up. (She will be travelling hours every weekend for the next 8 yrs.) But this is their doing.

                            I certainly will NOT agree on a sport that I have to contribute to their gas and hotel costs. They should have thought about this though before registering him against our agreement. Now they are realizing the costs and pushing and threatening me to cave.

                            I almost paid for the registration and left all the additional costs on to her with the agreement he will miss playing every other weekend. But if I do that I am consenting to all the costs the future after she hooks me into it..right?

                            I would love to tell her husband to back off and get his own kids but I am also remarried and that's like saying the same to my wife, although she doesn't overstep boundaries with my ex...for example wouldn't do a pedicure with my daughter or take her to the movie beauty and the beast until she experienced it with her mother first. He is a douche (every second word he says is an f-bomb). But at the end of the day he does have a big hand in raising my children and I won't be starting conflict with him.

                            My son does want to play baseball...but they told him he doesn't get to play spring/summer sports because they spend enough time and money on him for hockey.

                            I'm a deadbeat cause I don't agree that hockey is necessary. We love watching the games together what kid doesn't want to be a hockey star? I wanted to play as a kid but had 4 other siblings parents couldn't make the commitment nor pay for it. I got to play for one year.

                            I'm ok...It didn't end my world.

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                            • #15
                              You're not a deadbeat for opposing hockey. she's a deadbeat for signing up kid for activities during your time. is it something your kid truly enjoys? do you have something more fun for you guys to do on weekends? if child loves activity then in that case you could not only take her on your weekends.. but also show up on their weekends to support your kids. but I read child only goes to please her step dad.

                              if your kid doesnt like hockey then sign up for baseball and tell them to take to baseball on their time.

                              I don't want you to make a decision that is going to hurt your relationship with your kids. your ultimate and long term goal is to get your kids full time.. The battle doesn't end until you die. you could still take kid to hockey but not pay a dime. Taking child to activity and paying are 2 seperate issues. I would hope you would have read that in my threads. in my case however, child absolutely hates the activity so I will not attend.

                              here they just want to use you for your money. they're both deadbeats.

                              take as much time you need to decide. but whatever you decide.. just know that there is absolutely no legal obligation of you to pay especially as they did not follow the court order. take your time and don't pay a dime. they can use child support to pay. You're already paying them more than you should have to by paying child support. you are far from being classified as a deadbeat.
                              you could however buy skates and equipment as gifts if child truly enjoys.
                              Last edited by trinton; 05-23-2017, 08:34 PM.

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