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  • #31
    As a person who is going through something very similar like this, my ex has been over the years accused me everything from, and it's only gets worse
    1. Domestic Violence (police reports show I am actually the calm one)
    2. I am addicted to drugs and a serious concern to kids (took a drug test myself and passed)
    3. Accused of sexually assaulting my child, has called the police and child services involved (They have both shut it down and I'm getting the police files to show they have concluded it false)
    4. She is now trying to say I'm causing parenting alienation because I talk bad about her in front of the kid. We follow the schedule, she sees the kids on her schedule. As a matter of fact, a few weeks ago I came to pick him up and she refused to let me take him because she said I'm recording the exchange *you wonder why?*
    5. Now she is asking me to take a lie detector test as she just took one to prove what, I have no clue. Cause nobody believes her? My response is so the police and cas don't believe you, why should I play your games?
    6. She is now trying to take him a psychologist to get him assessed because she believes him though, she is to me making it up. Meanwhile, I have primary.

    There is so many inconsistencies, she just took off for vegas for a week in December for New Years. So my question to her was, so assume you believe your son, that he was molested by me, and let's assume he was according to you. So you only care about his well being as long as it doesn't impede on your week in Vegas or you are lying and using this as an edge for our court case? Either reasoning doesn't look good.

    If your allegations are serious and true, you will need to make sure your evidence is non-bias and the history is consistent because it will be pointed by the judge and his opposing lawyer as what mine will surely do.
    Last edited by FirstTimer; 02-01-2016, 04:49 PM.

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    • #32
      Originally posted by FirstTimer View Post
      As a person who is going through something very similar like this, my ex has been over the years accused me everything from, and it's only gets worse
      1. Domestic Violence (police reports show I am actually the calm one)
      2. I am addicted to drugs and a serious concern to kids (took a drug test myself and passed)
      3. Accused of sexually assaulting my child, has called the police and child services involved (They have both shut it down and I'm getting the police files to show they have concluded it false)
      4. She is now trying to say I'm causing parenting alienation because I talk bad about her in front of the kid. We follow the schedule, she sees the kids on her schedule. As a matter of fact, a few weeks ago I came to pick him up and she refused to let me take him because she said I'm recording the exchange *you wonder why?*
      5. Now she is asking me to take a lie detector test as she just took one to prove what, I have no clue. Cause nobody believes her? My response is so the police and cas don't believe you, why should I play your games?
      6. She is now trying to take him a psychologist to get him assessed because she believes him though, she is to me making it up. Meanwhile, I have primary.

      There is so many inconsistencies, she just took off for vegas for a week in December for New Years. So my question to her was, so assume you believe your son, that he was molested by me, and let's assume he was according to you. So you only care about his well being as long as it doesn't impede on your week in Vegas or you are lying and using this as an edge for our court case? Either reasoning doesn't look good.

      If you are allegations are serious and true, you will need to make sure your evidence is non-bias and the history is consistent because it will be pointed by the judge and his opposing lawyer as what mine will surely do.
      I can't speak to you personally, as no one but you know the actual truth (and even then people are often so self absorbed that they don't see the truth), but if these allegations are false, I feel for you.

      There is a clear pattern here, and I do have documented evidence, pictures, emails, recordings to back it all up.l I have text messages that I sent while some of the events were happening too, although those could easily be fabricated.

      The traveling thing is something I'm worried about too. I've always wanted to travel, and it was always something he never wanted to do. Now I want to travel with my kids, but I know, just like your situation, he will refuse to sign a consent form. He might claim he will to the courts, but when push comes to shove, he will state some B.S. about it "not being in the best interest of the children".

      I hope the truth comes out in your case, and that everyone involved gets through it without too much burden. And most of all that the children get what's best for them.

      I realize that people make false allegations, it happens, but it doesn't mean everyone does.

      People don't come on threads to prove a case, so the evidence doesn't need to be presented here. Assuming someone is making false allegations, when there are pictures, and events that are clear as day, is a little premature.

      Comment


      • #33
        Originally posted by arabian View Post
        If he has threatened you using OFW then that might be something to take with you to the court when you apply a peace bond/restraining order....

        Others with experience using the program (which I do not) can offer some ideas perhaps.
        I am. It's no different than email in the way we've been using it. I have emails, recordings and pictures along with a log of events. I don't think I'll have any issues getting a peace bond.

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        • #34
          My only fear with a peace bond is that he never listens. I tell him not to go to my mother's, he goes. I tell him not to come to my work, he comes. I tell him not to call, he calls.

          If he is "behaving peacefully" while doing those things, he wouldn't be violating the peace bond, while still being able to intimidate me and my family.

          Comment


          • #35
            How long has this been going on for?

            Like sexual harassment cases, you have to have said "NO" quite emphatically. Have you ever told him to stop emailing you?

            If/when you obtain a peace bond/restraining Order you both will likely be prohibited from contacting each other, in any way (phone, email, text - through friends, relatives). Are you prepared for this? How do you propose to arrange the drop off/pick up arrangements with your children? How do you plan to negotiate/discuss your finances? Through lawyers? If you plan to do everything through court then you would be best advised to make those case conferences work for you to hopefully come to an agreement.

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            • #36
              A peace bond a/or restraining order is quite specific. It matters little how he behaves rather that he not be in a certain proximity to you.

              If your mother doesn't want to see him then she would have to get her own peace bond unless your mother is defined as your legal dependant.

              If your ex breaches the conditions of the bond he would be charged and possibly arrested.

              Comment


              • #37
                Originally posted by arabian View Post
                A peace bond a/or restraining order is quite specific. It matters little how he behaves rather that he not be in a certain proximity to you.

                If your mother doesn't want to see him then she would have to get her own peace bond unless your mother is defined as your legal dependant.

                If your ex breaches the conditions of the bond he would be charged and possibly arrested.
                When inquiring about Peace Bonds, my research stated that I could include terms relating to him contacting my extended family and friends. Is that not true?

                And yes, restraining order would make it difficult for exchange of children, but I need to be able to protect myself too.

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                • #38
                  No I do not believe that is true.

                  Go to your local courthouse and speak to them about this. You don't need an appointment. They are the people who prepare the Orders and they will have correct information.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Originally posted by selfrep00 View Post
                    When inquiring about Peace Bonds, my research stated that I could include terms relating to him contacting my extended family and friends. Is that not true?

                    And yes, restraining order would make it difficult for exchange of children, but I need to be able to protect myself too.
                    A I understand it, a peace bond can be broader and more flexible than a restraining order and can include stipulations that the defendant (the person against whom the bond is being sought) must stay away from the spouse or children of the person seeking the bond (obviously children wouldn't apply in this case). However, you would need to provide evidence that the defendant has threatened or assaulted family members, not just that he has upset or bothered them.

                    The defendant may also be required to post money as a surety (this is the "bond" part) which will be lost if he or she breaches the terms of the bond.

                    However, all of this has to be very well justified - some angry exchanges of emails or raised voices probably aren't enough to get a peace bond. A police report would be much more useful.

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      I agree with Stripes. Also be aware that applying for a peace bond in which you request your ex not be allowed to contact mutual friends or family will only show that you are launching a campaign against him in a failed attempt to sway child custody. If this were the case, a judge could just as easily give your ex the peace bond with instructions that you not contact or be in proximity to him with no peace bond against him - albeit unlikely, but entirely possible, depending upon your ex's evidence of your past behaviour.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Originally posted by stripes View Post
                        A I understand it, a peace bond can be broader and more flexible than a restraining order and can include stipulations that the defendant (the person against whom the bond is being sought) must stay away from the spouse or children of the person seeking the bond (obviously children wouldn't apply in this case). However, you would need to provide evidence that the defendant has threatened or assaulted family members, not just that he has upset or bothered them.

                        The defendant may also be required to post money as a surety (this is the "bond" part) which will be lost if he or she breaches the terms of the bond.

                        However, all of this has to be very well justified - some angry exchanges of emails or raised voices probably aren't enough to get a peace bond. A police report would be much more useful.
                        There are multiple police reports. Only one was in his favor, because the police officers did not take my account of the events, and the children lied in front of their father to the police (he coaxed them to in front of me which I have recorded). I don't involve the children in these situations so I did not correct them. The children later told the truth when they spoke to C.A.S. privately, which is on record.

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          So what is it that you want in the end?

                          50/50 custody
                          50/50 split on property/debt
                          no contact order

                          Perhaps you should be fine-tuning things and focus less on what happened in the past and focus on the future (which is what case management judges will be looking for - most reasonable person).

                          Or

                          Punishment for ex and validation that he was abusive towards you? If this is what you are ultimately seeking you will probably be unsuccessful. There are no "winners" at family court.

                          Time for some self-reflection I think: many people are simply unable to move forward because their past lives with their ex has been constant drama. For some people it is very difficult to break free of this constant war. Also examine your friends and family in their role in everything. Are your friends and family offering any solution or are they merely encouraging the two of you to keep at each other?

                          Beware of people/bystanders who enjoy the drama and who get a thrill of fighting your ex "through you." People like this invariably will give you the absolute worst advice and usually have a get-even attitude as opposed to offering solutions to your problems to end the fighting.
                          Last edited by arabian; 02-01-2016, 06:57 PM.

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Very well put, this is exactly how I feel with what the ex is trying to do. Like move on already. She seeks validation, while I continue enrolling our son in activities that he enjoys and planning vacations with him and encouraging him to grow up healthy.


                            Originally posted by arabian View Post
                            So what is it that you want in the end?

                            Punishment for ex and validation that he was abusive towards you? If this is what you are ultimately seeking you will probably be unsuccessful. There are no "winners" at family court.

                            Time for some self-reflection I think: many people are simply unable to move forward because their past lives with their ex has been constant drama. For some people it is very difficult to break free of this constant war. Also examine your friends and family in their role in everything. Are your friends and family offering any solution or are they merely encouraging the two of you to keep at each other?

                            Beware of people/bystanders who enjoy the drama and who get a thrill of fighting your ex "through you." People like this invariably will give you the absolute worst advice and usually have a get-even attitude as opposed to offering solutions to your problems to end the fighting.

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Originally posted by stripes View Post
                              That said, I think Tayken and Janus need to dial it down a bit.
                              I don't think they were too rough. It's nice for all angles of the case to be analyzed by the OP, including what her ex and judge may say. (Stripes, I never heard you once ask ONdaddy nor his sidekick S&T to "tone it down" on my threads .. interesting. -->food for thought.

                              I actually made use of Tayken's caselaw that he posted. What he's trying to illustrate is something that clouds most family law disputes.

                              There are 2 variables:

                              Subjective feelings about relationship VS. Actual Parenting Ability

                              Tayken and others are reminding you to be careful, as to not confuse the 2 above. I think it's a good lesson for this site for all readers, to not confuse feelings about the relationship with ability to parent. And are some parents' ability to parents "clouded" by their personal feelings about the relationship? It certainly plays a part I'm sure.

                              Things are heated for sure. But if the police have showed up 3 times, CAS has been involved with no child protection concerns, etc .. perhaps it's time to begin exploring what settlement options could work for everybody.

                              Keep in mind that you've already agreed to a 50/50 regime. If he's as dangerous/bad parent/doesn't like his own child, etc ... be prepared to answer a judge as to why you were okay with unsupervised, 50/50 already.

                              Wounds are fresh. Give it some time and perhaps you guys will be on speaking terms...take it from me .. it most likely will happen.

                              As always .. I wish you the best.

                              LF32

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                              • #45
                                Very well put, this is exactly how I feel with what the ex is trying to do. Like move on already. She seeks validation, while I continue enrolling our son in activities that he enjoys and planning vacations with him and encouraging him to grow up healthy.
                                I have to say, I really don't envy divorcees with young kids going through this stuff. My youngest was a teen when I divorced and I'm thankful for that because I honestly don't understand how people deal with this for years and years without going nuts.

                                Comment

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