Originally posted by Rioe
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If I sound like I am blaming everything on my ex, then I will be careful with my tone in court. For certain things I cannot avoid the finger pointing because actually I need to bring up what I think is wrong (cut off communication with children for example) in order to get it fixed. Also regarding the financial issues discussed in the other thread, I need to prove the numerous ways how she lied under oath, in order to undermine her credibility and have her claims (or some of them) dismissed. But for a lot of the other stuff, indeed I can accept responsibility. For example, I did not move to Canada immediately when we separated. Why? Because it was the deal. We had a separation agreement where both parties made concessions, and one of them was that she asked me to stay employed with high income in my previous country for a little longer, in order to guarantee years of future CS. Sure I could have refused and the dispute would have been in court back then. But I accepted to buy peace which I thought would benefit the children rather than years of court battles. Perhaps wrong choice, but I made that choice and I accept it. And yes I did not have a lawyer back then, you are not mixing up different posters. Now I have a lawyer.
Hopefully the residence situation can be done in steps, for example:
1. I give assurance to court that I will find reasonable accommodation for children if I get one week per month.
2. Court gives me one week per month.
3. I rent a furnished apartment on a temporary basis and host children there.
4. By the time we go to trial, if all goes well by then I request joint custody.
5. I am granted joint custody.
6. I buy a permanent residence.
If #6 needs to come first, that will be a problem.
Regarding my employment, that is a separate issue from custody which was partially discussed in the financial thread, but since you bring it up, I pay CS based on an imputed income far higher than what I can make in Canada, so I do not see what it would achieve if I was working other than enrich myself, which I don't want to. There would not be more money paid in CS since my actual income would remain below my imputed income per the terms of the separation agreement, so all that income would go only in my pocket. That makes it an entirely personal decision if I work or not, in my opinion. But you are correct that I am running into the wall of what society expects. Canada's society I would point out. Opinions are very different elsewhere, but that is part of why I want to seek feedback from people on this forum because after all, the case will be in Canada's court, not elsewhere. I am at odds with several aspects of how things work in Canada. I can put my concerns aside to some extent, but as I stated before, I am not 100% perfect dad and I do not pretend to be 100% perfect dad. If the system and society put too many hurdles in front of certain people, then the system and society will have to accept that some people might not behave in the way that you would have wanted them to behave, and that the end result could be sub-optimal, for the children included.
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