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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #71  
Old 11-09-2014, 07:25 AM
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LovingFather32 LovingFather32 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrToronto View Post
....it's doubtful LAO scumbag can be that stupid to think xoxoxoxo on a letter means incestuous relationship's,
Geez I'm starting to wonder. It's almost as if he was on my side. Completely self-destructing. The judge's intelligence was insulted with this comment. The judge gave him a tongue lashing for saying it. Part of it was probably trying to get a reaction from me in the courtroom.

I am concerned about ex's mental state, her motives .. everything at this point. You're right .. why haven't allegations been dropped? Why arnt we entering in to mediation and drafting up a separation agreement? I have many e-mails and letters requesting that we get together and do this.

Why am I still being told not to comb D3's hair? Why is the cat in its crate going to QC the second I drop D3 off?

Why? because she's got no choice but to go this route and is awaiting her opportunity to pounce. Problem is she's used up all the allegations and government agencies in the book. But I know it's not over. Or else some settlement stuff from above would have been discussed.

She also has no intentions of working. Freeing up all of her time. She feels this is a huge part of her case. Telling the police my parenting skills were "barely adequate". I'm a pebble in the mud that she walks on. Its disturbing.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 11-09-2014 at 07:29 AM.
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  #72  
Old 11-09-2014, 12:11 PM
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Now your getting it LF32

Everything your doing right now is for Conferences and Motions.....affidavit's...reports... requests for mediation...asking for settlement....looking for ways to communicate meaning e-mails or OFW.

Right now your preparing for the last Conference......what you are looking to get out of this final Conference doesn't matter to the OP because they will just disagree.....OP primary interest is Trial.

This is the last chance for a Judge to get parties to avoid Trial. If the Judge wants a bagel and coffee in the morning he'll just put parties down for Trial and kick the circus out of the Courtroom.

1 party is absolutely POLARIZED.

IF and only IF your maneuvering between conferences works to makes the OP think,,,if this go to Trial we lose....then they'll negotiate in the hallway during the SC/TMC.

It's a game of chicken obviously. Somebody's bluffing. But it doesn't matter you prepare for negotiations along with preparing to go forward to Trial. (multi-prong)

Never have a stated bottom line (that's for Trial obviously) always be willing to discuss. The SC Judge will do a "so where are we at thing"

The Judge will give his opinion on the matter....simple issue...some party is being stupid.....this isn't really a trial able issue.

You want that Endorsement.....OP is being stupid.

You can get that easy enough because all you have to do is show...requests for settlement...mediation....geez I'll wind this up in the hallway today your Honor.

Right NOW you can ask for anything that's good for resolving this issue for a Judge to read....that OP will reject....you have a blank check so to speak....of course this goes separate to a settlement offer.

WHO does the OP want as a witness for Trial...that will help them
WHO does LF32 want as a witness for Trial ....to help him

The OCL obviously. Best to have CAS...but they were only there for OCL allegation although it will partially ruin OCL credibility.

IS this Trial going to be a battle of Expert Reports? Are any witnesses required? FULL DISCLOSURE

The above items are to think about for requesting at SC/TMC

SC/TMC waste of time but you got the great endorsement!

When all of the above fails you go to Trial....where only parts of the above matter and both parties "start over" from the Application and Reply.

Your first job is to build the Trial Record. (just a binder with factual stuff thrown in...it basically a Judge read.

from my memory

Application
Reply
any Orders
expert reports
endorsements (I put them in, there is a endorsement binder yellow I think judges have that the clerks make up)

expert report .....OP would be smart to have OCL in there of course....along with a psych report for Goldilocks.

Just like it would be great for your counselling Report (if you bothered)

You don't need that right now, this is for down the road building your Trial Record.

Trials based on she said/he said.

SHE said I'm goldilocks and mentally fit with proof.....and LF32 is unfit, mentally AWOL and a abuser.

He said...WHAT! I'm not crazy here's my clean bill of mental health.

Headwaters hates my long winded stuff so best to stop....to be cont'd

Last edited by MrToronto; 11-09-2014 at 12:15 PM.
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  #73  
Old 11-09-2014, 12:46 PM
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Every word I say can be used against me in court. Every instance on "tone". Every syllable. Does this sound okay? I'm sure ex will simply state "have your lawyer talk to my lawyer".
What if my lawyer says not to send it? I want to be the first party offering this stuff. Since ex and I are communicating now is it not okay for me to send something like this?
__________________________________________________ ______________
Hi _____,

Despite all of my previous offers being turned down, I would like to take this opportunity to once again suggest that we engage in "mediation" and begin drafting up a "separation agreement". Now that many issues have been narrowed down, I believe it would be in D3's best interest if we become more settlement-focused.

I would also like to request any health records for D3 since I have not received any health/welfare information in 9 months despite many requests. Would you be willing to provide those?

I will see you at pick up on Wednesday at noon.

Hope you had a good weekend,
LF32
__________________________________________________ ________________

Last edited by LovingFather32; 11-09-2014 at 12:53 PM.
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  #74  
Old 11-09-2014, 12:50 PM
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Double post ... apologies
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  #75  
Old 11-09-2014, 01:16 PM
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Take out the sarcastic quotations and the word "despite".

Simply email her and ask if she intends to mediate or do a settelement conference.
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  #76  
Old 11-09-2014, 01:53 PM
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I agree with Strait...strip letters of emotion...past grievances.... godly justification....points for proving past injustice.

I would adjust ....I am drafting a separation agreement and will send it to your office when complete.

this leads of course to future dialogue.....did you receive draft sep....are you interested in mediation....yadda yadda.

This letter is geared for including in a SC brief....everything ends there

Now pre planning Trial

Everybody loses going for SOLE as soon as the below statement is made.

WHO WAS the primary parent prior to separation (stay at home moms typically)

AT point of separation....FEB 2014 D3 was 2.5 yrs old.

It's easy for the unemployed to take advantage of this......if the child was 8 or 5 maybe even 3 years.

How much time can be proved D3 was at gramma's....picture of D3's room there would be nice.

Drinking and partying D3 was at gramma's

Your work schedule was primarily when D3 was asleep. (although you supposedly worked a 100 hours a week.

Goldilocks emotionally left the relationship way way back in AUG...is this a factor? It's provable by OCL report.....there was also a mystery counsellor prior to AUGUST!

Last august would put D3 around 2 yrs. It's proven Goldilocks was recording stuff....living a lie.....setting you up.....artificially becoming the primary parent by pushing you out the door for work or whatever.

You stayed at home for some time because of an injury...lucky for injuries.

So a lot of primary parent will be decided on the above.

You want BOTH parents are equal of course.

Your then moving on to the allegations which artificially made you unequal...with no rights as a parent.
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  #77  
Old 11-09-2014, 03:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Every word I say can be used against me in court. Every instance on "tone". Every syllable. Does this sound okay? I'm sure ex will simply state "have your lawyer talk to my lawyer".
What if my lawyer says not to send it? I want to be the first party offering this stuff. Since ex and I are communicating now is it not okay for me to send something like this?
__________________________________________________ ______________
Hi _____,

Despite all of my previous offers being turned down, I would like to take this opportunity to once again suggest that we engage in "mediation" and begin drafting up a "separation agreement". Now that many issues have been narrowed down, I believe it would be in D3's best interest if we become more settlement-focused.

I would also like to request any health records for D3 since I have not received any health/welfare information in 9 months despite many requests. Would you be willing to provide those?

I will see you at pick up on Wednesday at noon.

Hope you had a good weekend,
LF32
__________________________________________________ ________________
My suggested edits:

Hi _____,

I would like to remind you that my previous offer to settle is still open, (I've attached a copy of the most recent one) and we should take this opportunity to discuss it now that we have had a taste of court to see if we can avoid more of it. I recommend mediation to help us draft up a separation agreement.

Now that D3is spending regular time with me again, it is important that I have her health/welfare information up to date. Please send me copies of her medical records, either through email or in the communication book. Her health card should also go back and forth between us with her.

I will be at pick up on Wednesday at noon. See you there.

LF32

You are still using a whiny tone, instead of factual. Don't bother mentioning that you've asked for this stuff a million times already, that's laying blame and setting a negative tone. It will just get her back up and make her want to be ornery with the rest of the letter. Just ask politely as if it's from scratch. Also, don't wish her well, or hope she had a good weekend and whatnot - that's too friendly and she'll perceive it as facetious. Be businesslike. Finally, don't ask her if she's willing to do something, especially when she's probably not! Just phrase the requests like you expect her to comply because it is reasonable to do so.

And especially don't use sarcasm quotes!

I can see it going two ways. In the first, she's realized that she's going to lose if she keeps playing the victim with a judge, so she may as well start being reasonable. In the second, she's had a couple of weeks to forget what happened in court and rewrite it in her own mind, and will continue to be unreasonable.

Last edited by Rioe; 11-09-2014 at 03:41 PM.
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  #78  
Old 11-09-2014, 04:07 PM
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Good advice. Thank you.
I wanted to indirectly remind a judge that I've asked for these things since day 1. I like the re wording. The more business like the better.
So this is basically asking to cancel SC to work on it outside of court. I'm very curious what her response will be. Talk to my lawyer no doubt.
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  #79  
Old 11-09-2014, 06:07 PM
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What if I touch on the fact that all the money that will go towards future court costs (probably more than $30,000) would be better spent on D'3's future (education, etc).
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  #80  
Old 11-09-2014, 06:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
What if I touch on the fact that all the money that will go towards future court costs (probably more than $30,000) would be better spent on D'3's future (education, etc).
Depends how you word it.

Avoiding court will save us a lot of money which is better used for D3 than spent on legal fees.

is good, but

I've wasted $10k already on this, and a full trial would probably be $30k. If you agree to avoid court, I'll get D3 an RESP with the savings.

would not be. The first is collaborative, the second is accusatory, whiny and bribey.

In the case of this email, I personally wouldn't bring up money yet. It makes you sound greedy even with the best wording. Spend a few email exchanges being perfectly chipper and reasonable before you add the topic of money.
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