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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 05-20-2014, 11:57 AM
fireweb13 fireweb13 is offline
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Default Running late

Lately my ex has taken to running late when she has to pick up our daughter. We live about 2 hours apart, I pick up our daughter at the start of my time with her, and my ex picks her up when she goes back to my ex. I am the kind of person who really likes to be ready for things, so when I know that when my ex is supposed to be there at a certain time I make sure our daughter is all ready, has gone to the washroom and is ready to get on the road, and unless its bad weather we are outside (usually playing or something like that) a few minutes before. This helps with making it so my ex does not have to wait around.
My wife and I have a 1 month old now. Lately my ex has been running later and later, which means that our daughter is waiting longer and longer for her mom. Usually 20-30 minutes or so which is manageable but frustrating. Today, we did the exchange in the morning as my ex requested that she pick up our daughter this morning instead of yesterday afternoon. I explained to her that I will be at work, but my wife is more than happy to accommodate. My ex ran an hour behind, and when I txted her at the 45 minute point to ask for an eta since our newborn needed to be fed and our daughter was wondering where mommy is, my ex went ballistic on me saying traffic is bad and all this stuff and she is doing what she can. All I asked is that if she is running more than 15 minutes behind can she please tell us so that we can be ready, and plan accordingly.

Sorry for the vent.... I just wish that some things were easy. Overall things are decent with my ex and I and have been for awhile, but now that we have a newborn we need to plan our day slightly differently.
Thank you for input.
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Old 05-20-2014, 12:22 PM
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billm billm is offline
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Why don't you ask her to text you when she is in the car and leaving?

Then you can use google maps with their traffic predictor to estimate the eta.
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Old 05-20-2014, 12:31 PM
fireweb13 fireweb13 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by billm View Post
Why don't you ask her to text you when she is in the car and leaving?

Then you can use google maps with their traffic predictor to estimate the eta.

I would but it really depends on traffic. We have to travel directly through the GTA so if traffic is good you can make it in 1:45 mins, but it can and is normally quite bad lol. Just a courtesy txt but that is to much to ask sometimes.
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Old 05-20-2014, 01:08 PM
good_mom good_mom is offline
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If she is late and you are accommodating then advise her that due to the situation, she might at times have to wait 15 minutes. Tell her you will text her if this happens so she is aware of the delay. If she can't wait or be flexible on her side then you expect that that she will be on time for pick ups.

Get this all in an e-mail and send it to her, not by text.

Great that you got extra time with your daughter!

Flexibility goes both ways. If this is your only issue good for you.
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Old 05-20-2014, 01:20 PM
fireweb13 fireweb13 is offline
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That's why I was polite to my ex. More of a general rant lol. Believe me in the past things have been horrible, but we have moved past a lot of things.
No I don't condone txting and driving, but if your are already running an hour behind, its a courtesy to let the other party know. My wife was trying to hold of on feeding our newborn as my ex was supposed to be there at a certain time. So it just makes it difficult and it also is hard on our daughter who had to wait for an hour, but if our daughter was not ready when Mom got there we would not hear the end of it for making her wait 5 mins
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Old 05-20-2014, 02:18 PM
Serene Serene is offline
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If you think postponing baby feedings is a big issue because your ex is late - what about if you have to do the round-trip drive to and from every access with your daughter? I ask this because you might end up in that situation if you complain/bring to her attention the issue...

By your own admission traffic is unpredictable. She could text you and say 20 min eta and it could be 40 min still.

You could just go about your day and deal with mom when she gets there. I'm not sure why your wife can't feed baby if mom is late but that shouldn't be withheld. Babies are very transportable and I would encourage you to be more resourceful and creative in how to overcome this particular issue with feeding baby while waiting for ex wife.

Help your daughter by saying "mom will be here soon" and don't give an exact time. Makes things easier on her. Have a "bag of tricks" that you can use for delays like this. We have them for our kids and they like it. It is literally a bag with card games, small board games. Etc. We use these when on the go or when we have to wait (in a restaurant, doc apps, etc).

It may be frustrating but all things considered, sounds like there isn't much you can do about it and it's not the worst thing that can happen. I'm not at all trying to minimize your frustration, but rather suggesting you look at your glass as half full
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Old 08-29-2014, 05:21 PM
movingON1975 movingON1975 is offline
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im responsible for all transportation. From 300 km away.

My sons mother ALWAYS makes me wait. I tell her when I'm leaving, when I'm an hour away, and when im 15 minutes away. But I always end up waiting in her driveway, because she was a)working out b) buying groceries or my favourite, c) on a date.

Any complaining made her later the next time.

My solution?

I bring my school books and snacks with me every time. At least if I'm waiting for her I'm occupied by meaningful activities.
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Old 08-29-2014, 05:28 PM
Serene Serene is offline
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We would show up one time at mom's house for exchange. She sometimes yelled out the door "I've given them their fifteen minute warning on the xbox". And we would wait and wait and wait... I suspect if the game is to make you wait, they will make you wait.
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