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  • #46
    Originally posted by Unevenplayingground View Post
    Now my step-son is saying he is going to miss a school bbq (he starts high school in Sep) and how important it is that he goes to this bbq. I wonder where that is coming from.

    What do you do when one parent is "massaging" the child? How do you turn the focus back on what is important, the relationship between each parent? The child/children should be free of negativity towards either parent.
    I don't think it's fair that because your son is expressing an interest in attending a school event that it is negativity from the other parent or them "massaging" your step-son, as you put it, that is the cause.

    The reality is that your step-son is getting to an age where spending time at events with friends is very important to him. It's no offence to you, and Im sure nothing personal. When you were 13, did you choose to hang with your parents over hanging with your friends? Please don't just assume that mom is at fault here. Maybe she is... or maybe your step-son is just starting to grow up.

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    • #47
      Unevenplayingground:

      The $5,700k is alot of money, but I'm sure the mother racked up some legal bills as well. I guess all you can hope for is that she will think long and hard before she tries to go down this road again. Might be the best 5,700.00 you've ever spent.

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      • #48
        Originally posted by Unevenplayingground View Post
        Now my step-son is saying he is going to miss a school bbq (he starts high school in Sep) and how important it is that he goes to this bbq. I wonder where that is coming from.
        For this, you simply state that while you agree the BBQ may be important, it is really more important that he spend time with his dad and family. That school bbq's will come and go, and his friends out that way he can see any day. But his time out there is limited and therefore precious.

        You show him some empathy, but educate and help him open his eyes that he really only does get limited time out there, so it is best to make the most of it.

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        • #49
          Originally posted by Qrious View Post
          I don't think it's fair that because your son is expressing an interest in attending a school event that it is negativity from the other parent or them "massaging" your step-son, as you put it, that is the cause.

          The reality is that your step-son is getting to an age where spending time at events with friends is very important to him. It's no offence to you, and Im sure nothing personal. When you were 13, did you choose to hang with your parents over hanging with your friends? Please don't just assume that mom is at fault here. Maybe she is... or maybe your step-son is just starting to grow up.
          And I hate to play the "blame the other mom game" and you only hear me, but if you knew, oh boy! But thank you for your advice.

          Definitely see your point, and if we lived in the same province, even an few hours near by, he would be going to the BBQ. We would take him, but I think it is much more important for him to see his parents. The point of the BBQ is so the students can meet the new teachers. So to bad that he can't go, but he will have a full school year to work out those details. We just feel it is far more important for the time to be spent with his dad and brothers.

          Personally as a kid, when my dad lived away, I chose him over friends. When he moved back, probably friends because I took for granite our time together, like any kid I suppose. Unfortunately, we aren't in a shared or every weekend situation so our time is precious.
          Last edited by Unevenplayingground; 06-04-2013, 06:54 PM. Reason: Forgot info.

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          • #50
            Originally posted by arabian View Post
            Unevenplayingground:

            The $5,700k is alot of money, but I'm sure the mother racked up some legal bills as well. I guess all you can hope for is that she will think long and hard before she tries to go down this road again. Might be the best 5,700.00 you've ever spent.
            Yep, but we hope she won't do this again. I think she has legal aid though, so it is a bit easier in terms of legal fees.

            She will be legally married, so soon she will no longer qualify for legal aid, so hopefully this stuff comes to an end.

            As much as we are not in a position to fight stuff like this, we felt we didn't have a choice.

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            • #51
              Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
              For this, you simply state that while you agree the BBQ may be important, it is really more important that he spend time with his dad and family. That school bbq's will come and go, and his friends out that way he can see any day. But his time out there is limited and therefore precious.

              You show him some empathy, but educate and help him open his eyes that he really only does get limited time out there, so it is best to make the most of it.
              Thanks for the advice HammerDad!

              I'm hoping once he gets home and we have time for everybody just to enjoy each other, he will figure it out. He is a very smart young man.

              Comment

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