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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 11-25-2013, 01:59 PM
toronto_father2 toronto_father2 is offline
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Default My day at court or self repped making a fool of myself

So I went to court and self repped, I got the motion for the surname name change of the child(6 month old) and I want to thank all the members here for their 2 cents. I made a total fool of myself and the stress is still effecting me days later....feel better now but I dont like court...rather be spending time with the child...


I`m also looking for joint custody, the duty council heard my story and said I had a chance at joint custody even thou we live far apart due to the nature of our breakup(she left while pregnant moved in with family 5 hrs away and Ive been contesting ever since). but he stressed that I need a lawyer to get it done...I don't have the money for that ....more making a fool of myself in court....

I just got the name change but I`m looking to give it up...The long hrs driving home....made me think ..how far would you go to be a father...how about everything.

My new offer to settle

-She moves back to my area......
-no name change.
-she gets sole custody
-no offset ever no mater how much money she makes or what the time split is between us on visitation is with the child...she gets maximum
-I pay her moving expenses.... thinking $2000.00 paid over 4 months $500.0 monthly
-I pay her 20% over base child support tables..ongoing
-section 7 split according to income.

Looking to be a father ...its 5 hrs away one way....


If you have any thoughts pls chime in
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  #2  
Old 11-25-2013, 02:07 PM
Serene Serene is offline
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If she has sole custody she can move anywhere anytime. Tread lightly.

Why do you think you made a fool of yourself?

How old is child? Why not go for prolonged holiday visitation, long weekends and PA day weekends so you can see child?
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  #3  
Old 11-25-2013, 02:16 PM
stripes stripes is offline
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If she has sole custody, she determines where the child will live. (If she has shared or joint custody, she can live wherever she wants, but the child's residence would have to be determined with you).

What you're asking (for her to be required to move back to your area) is not consistent with the definition of sole custody (and is arguably not in the best interest of the child, as it would requre being uprooted and moved yet again). Your ex could agree to it and then not follow through, with no repercussions.

You need to either seek a change in custody so that it is shared (which would be a tough battle), or resolve to be the best possible father at a distance that you can be. Regulal calls, emails, Skype chats, weekend visits, holidays and so forth can make a big difference to a child.
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  #4  
Old 11-25-2013, 02:23 PM
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Janibel Janibel is offline
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Don't be so hard on yourself, there's nothing foolish about doing whatever you can to be with your child. You've made an offer that will surely tempt the ex to settle, though offering her sole custody - is that really what you want? Also why would you pay 20% over base child support tables?

I see that you can't afford a lawyer, though you could benefit from a free consultation to help you to put together a better offer?

Don't give up.
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  #5  
Old 11-25-2013, 04:16 PM
paris paris is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by toronto_father2 View Post
My new offer to settle

-She moves back to my area......
-no name change.
-she gets sole custody
-no offset ever no mater how much money she makes or what the time split is between us on visitation is with the child...she gets maximum
-I pay her moving expenses.... thinking $2000.00 paid over 4 months $500.0 monthly
-I pay her 20% over base child support tables..ongoing
-section 7 split according to income.
-Getting the name change already shows you have some leverage. Don't give it up if it's important to you.

-Ask for 50/50 shared so she has to move back and can't move away again.

-Offer no offset until the child starts school. Gives her time to get back on her feet. Pay full table support, not extra.

-Paying her moving expenses is very generous of you.

-Section 7 could be split after the child starts school as well.

I'm assuming the child is an infant? Does Mom have a job or skills to get one? Don't give up. Get the child closer to you so you can be the Dad you want to be.
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  #6  
Old 11-25-2013, 07:53 PM
Links17 Links17 is offline
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If the mother gets sole custody assume she can go wherever she wants (not always the case, but its the general rule).
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  #7  
Old 11-25-2013, 10:01 PM
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Rioe Rioe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by toronto_father2 View Post
-She moves back to my area......
-no name change.
-she gets sole custody
-no offset ever no mater how much money she makes or what the time split is between us on visitation is with the child...she gets maximum
-I pay her moving expenses.... thinking $2000.00 paid over 4 months $500.0 monthly
-I pay her 20% over base child support tables..ongoing
-section 7 split according to income.
This reads like a bribe. You are offering to pay her above table support, no matter what the access time ratio is, if she moves back to your area. No matter what the access arrangements end up being, and no matter what your respective incomes end up being. So much potential for disaster! And if you give her sole custody, what guarantee do you have that she can't just move away again?

I would stick more to the 'traditional' setup, for which there are three options.

A) She moves back to your area, you share 50-50 time, and child support is done by normal offset.

OR

B) She stays in her current area, you get access of EoW and all holiday long weekends and PA day weekends and half of summer vacation once the child is in school, and your CS to her is reduced to account for your increased access costs.

OR

C) She stays in her current area, but the child moves to your home, and she gets access as in option B, while paying you CS.

All with joint custody and section according to income. Don't mention the name change at all; that issue is completed.

Let her pick which one she wants. Maybe partway through negotiations, you can offer to pay moving expenses to tip her over into option A.

All of them demonstrate that you want to be an involved father and that you have the best interests of the child in mind.
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  #8  
Old 11-26-2013, 12:45 AM
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wretchedotis wretchedotis is offline
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Let me blunt.

Of course, I don't know all the details.

But if you want to live close to your child - you need to move there.

It is done (again I haven't read all the details), but if she moved and has lived there for more than say a month - she's moved. It's a fact. Already done. FACT.

Don't expect to get an Order that she must move back.

Again, I don't know all the details, and I bet there is some case law where one parent has been forced to move back - but probably under completely different circumstances than you face.

I would love to hear your take on how you made a fool of yourself in court.

Not because I wish to shame you, or even laugh 'with' you -
but these sort of details may/may not be REALLY helpful to the next guy/girl facing the bench as self rep.

Please share?
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  #9  
Old 11-26-2013, 12:53 AM
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wretchedotis wretchedotis is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
This reads like a bribe. You are offering to pay her above table support, no matter what the access time ratio is, if she moves back to your area. No matter what the access arrangements end up being, and no matter what your respective incomes end up being. So much potential for disaster! And if you give her sole custody, what guarantee do you have that she can't just move away again?

I would stick more to the 'traditional' setup, for which there are three options.

A) She moves back to your area, you share 50-50 time, and child support is done by normal offset.

OR

B) She stays in her current area, you get access of EoW and all holiday long weekends and PA day weekends and half of summer vacation once the child is in school, and your CS to her is reduced to account for your increased access costs.

OR

C) She stays in her current area, but the child moves to your home, and she gets access as in option B, while paying you CS.

All with joint custody and section according to income. Don't mention the name change at all; that issue is completed.

Let her pick which one she wants. Maybe partway through negotiations, you can offer to pay moving expenses to tip her over into option A.

All of them demonstrate that you want to be an involved father and that you have the best interests of the child in mind.
Bribery can work.

Are you sure you're not (speaking to the OP, here.) just reacting to the fact you just had you a$$ handed to you at motion?

Maybe take a few days to think it over before sending this offer along?

Just a suggestion.
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  #10  
Old 11-26-2013, 08:44 AM
Franklin Franklin is offline
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Do not sighn anything. Hold your ground and let this thing go all the way. You will win everything if you follow these instructions.
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