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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 08-29-2013, 04:37 PM
gs163 gs163 is offline
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Default Birth Certificate and Child Care issues

I currently have been discussing a few things and have a mediation meeting soon. There are only two disagreements that I have with my ex's response to my needs and one of them is that I request that she allows me to put my name on my sons birth certificate. It was then argued that birth certificates are basically used for travelling and not really necessary to put my name on the birth certificate. Should I pursue getting his name on his birth certificate? The only reason I can think of is that this will allow me to restrict where my son can travel. But I am unaware of other benefits to push this.

Second issue is about the parenting time which my ex has stated that because he is in a day home full time I cannot request to have access when he is in it. I have overlooked section 7 of the family law act and there is no legal reasoning behind this. I can only think of the fact that she does not want me to have him on those days because it can be argued that I shouldn't be paying for the time that he is in my care. I have two other questions about child care for separated parents as well. Is there a contract can be signed between day homes and the primary caregiver? Can it be argued that it is a conflict of interest if the mother is allowing my support for child care to a day home that is operated by her relative?
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Old 08-29-2013, 04:55 PM
dinkyface dinkyface is offline
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You have every right to be listed on the BC as father. If you are not on the card, she has carte blanche to make whatever applications (passport) and enlist any services (health/dental) she likes without your knowledge or consent.

Do you want the surname to be hyphenated?

She has no legal basis to limit your access because the child is in paid daycare. HOWEVER, in reality you have have a fight to overcome this. First, obviously because she doesn't want it, but also because daycares want you to commit to some regular weekly schedule - so she would have to permanently (or almost so) give up the days that you want to cover so that the daycare can get another kid in those days. If the DC provider is not willing to do this, then the options are 1) she pays the cost of the unused days, or 2) you find and suggest another cheaper option that will accommodate your parenting/work schedules.

I think the most important negotiation tool will be for your to commit to regular parenting schedule and show your willingness to support daycare arrangements.

No conflict of interest, she is paying a fair amount for a genuine service to cover HER time with the kid, so it is a contract with HER. You do whatever you want with your parenting time. ... which means you make whatever separate DC arrangements you need for your time. OR, you could choose to both use the same service, which means you enter into the contract too. I understand your concern though - even with licensed daycares, there is the perception that mom is the client, and they may be hostile to dad, and that's not right. Heck, I even got this reaction from JK/SK teachers initially, until they saw me interacting with my daughter.

Last edited by dinkyface; 08-29-2013 at 04:58 PM.
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Old 08-29-2013, 05:40 PM
gs163 gs163 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dinkyface View Post
You have every right to be listed on the BC as father. If you are not on the card, she has carte blanche to make whatever applications (passport) and enlist any services (health/dental) she likes without your knowledge or consent.

Do you want the surname to be hyphenated?

She has no legal basis to limit your access because the child is in paid daycare. HOWEVER, in reality you have have a fight to overcome this. First, obviously because she doesn't want it, but also because daycares want you to commit to some regular weekly schedule - so she would have to permanently (or almost so) give up the days that you want to cover so that the daycare can get another kid in those days. If the DC provider is not willing to do this, then the options are 1) she pays the cost of the unused days, or 2) you find and suggest another cheaper option that will accommodate your parenting/work schedules.

I think the most important negotiation tool will be for your to commit to regular parenting schedule and show your willingness to support daycare arrangements.

No conflict of interest, she is paying a fair amount for a genuine service to cover HER time with the kid, so it is a contract with HER. You do whatever you want with your parenting time. ... which means you make whatever separate DC arrangements you need for your time. OR, you could choose to both use the same service, which means you enter into the contract too. I understand your concern though - even with licensed daycares, there is the perception that mom is the client, and they may be hostile to dad, and that's not right. Heck, I even got this reaction from JK/SK teachers initially, until they saw me interacting with my daughter.
Yes, the fact that I wasn't given a choice about the name of my son really bothered me. I would like to get some information about the legal rights that could pertain to getting my name hyphenated..

I have had a seasonal job in the past and it is currently difficult for me to have a secure job that allows me to consistently keep up with the current payments and my own bills (which is why I am asking for advice on here). I took a severe pay cut and a sacrifice on my career for a job that allows me to have a schedule and be able to be apart of my sons life.

I am actually in fact paying almost 84% exactly of the child care.. And that is why it is somewhat a concern and conflict of interest. It almost seems as if she is trying to acquire as much money as she can from me.
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Old 08-29-2013, 05:59 PM
dinkyface dinkyface is offline
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I don't think you are using the term 'conflict of interest' in the correct way (someone who has a position of power - which means they also have a duty to behave in a trustworthy manner - is in a position where they must fulfill the trust of 2 potentially adversarial people). But you and your ex definitely have conflicting interests!

What do you mean 'almost' - of course she is trying to get as much money as she can from you.

I pursued hyphenated surname (Mom ran while pregnant, and I was unable to discover the birth until too late), but was told by the Ontario Court judge hearing my motion that it could only be ordered in Superior Court.

Why 84% - is that proportional to your incomes?
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Old 08-29-2013, 07:39 PM
gs163 gs163 is offline
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I guess you are right and really I haven't had anyone to actually discuss my issues with. And I don't really have the skills to intelligently argue over matters. I just never had to deal with anything like this before so it is nice to be corrected on misused terminology/phrases.

The mother of my child left me two weeks after we were aware he was concieved and remained hostile until his birth and some mediation was done for child support but the parenting time wasnt fully defined and was consistently abused to not allow access to my son (which was twice a month). If my child is almost 12 months is it too late to request this in a court order?

Yes. My income was substantially high for the past two years and the mother makes close to minimum wage. I am a bit naive and have always have had trouble with saving and budgeting and ow I'm suffering greatly because of it.
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Old 09-01-2013, 03:20 AM
gs163 gs163 is offline
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It may be a simple question but if the mother excluded me out of the registration with vital statistics would I be able to request hyphenation or would this be ignored?
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Old 09-01-2013, 10:30 AM
dinkyface dinkyface is offline
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First step: be legally acknowledged as father on BC. if she is accepting CS from you, it'll be hard for her to avoid this, though you might have to spent $$'s on a lawyer to get it done.

Second step: request hyphenation. Again, she can refuse this and you will likely have a very difficult and $$ time getting this done.

Welcome to family law.
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Old 09-01-2013, 11:09 AM
dinkyface dinkyface is offline
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No, it is not too late to ask for a reasonable parenting schedule. Are you OK with what you worked out with the mediator? If you are asking for more than what you agreed with, that will be very difficult.

You will have to spend some serious time educating yourself so that you know what you can ask for. At the moment, you are afraid of everything, tentative, hesitating. Your road to becoming an equal parent will need you to be extremely firm and persistent, while remaining calm and businesslike and respectful. For you, I'd suggest getting a lawyer if you can at all manage it. But beware, there are planty of bad lawyers out there who just churn letters back and forth and never achieve anything, and/or inflate your expectations and create needless conflict, or advise you to settle for much less than you should. I went thru a few bad lawyers before I found the right one.

Self education is a MUST either way.

Another tip is to keep very good records of all interactions with your ex where you tried to resolve something, and where she put up a barrier. You will need this in court.

There are a few good books to read: Tug of War, Surviving your divorce.
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Old 09-01-2013, 11:50 PM
firhill firhill is offline
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As dinkyface mentioned, being acknowledged as the father and having the child legally bear your surname (in some way, shape or form) are two separate issues.

Judge at my last TMC suggested I consider having my daughter take my surname as a middle name listed on her BC right before the mother's surname.
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Old 09-02-2013, 07:52 AM
nogoingback nogoingback is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gs163 View Post
Yes, the fact that I wasn't given a choice about the name of my son really bothered me. I would like to get some information about the legal rights that could pertain to getting my name hyphenated..
You can definitely do this. Here is some case law in support:
Garland v. Brouwer CanLII - 2011 ONSC 6437 (CanLII)
Read points 60 to 68 under "Change of Name"
The young daughter's name was successfully changed to a hyphenated last name reflecting both biological parents.
As well Gallant v. Lewis http://canlii.ca/t/1zq60
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