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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 05-26-2006, 02:40 PM
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Well, as many of you are aware, my spouse is busily having the seperation agreement drafted and finalized as of two days ago.

She became upset when I had looked at the second draft and said 'That I would be served' in time.

It was at this point that I realized she wanted to go with Joint custody as opposed to Shared custody to which we had agreed.

She has spent $$$ getting this done ... I guess my question is, "At what point should I be seeing my lawyer?"

Hubby
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Old 05-26-2006, 03:38 PM
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It would appear your x has an agenda that you may not be privy to, answer to your question. YESTERDAY.
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Old 05-26-2006, 05:31 PM
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I would say yesterday or on learning that your spouse had retained a lawyer.

I wouldn't sign anything without consulting with a independent lawyer. Moreover, I wouldn't accept anything less than a joint shared custody regime for the children and if circumstances permit shared time, shared holidays, etc

I think back to when my world went crumbling down, And I can say honestly that if shared joint custody regime was not an option, then I definitely would of asked for sole custody for this reason alone, I am just a capable, and willing to look after our child as is his mother.

lv
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Old 05-26-2006, 08:41 PM
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Read her second draft, her lawyer stated he has not heard word from my lawyer but notes that I did make notes on the draft accepting nothing less that shared 50/50 custody.

Now her lawyer not hearing form mine, cause I have not retained one, does not constitute agreement with the seperation agreement, correct?

Her lawyer stated that it would have to go to court to have em decide 'custody' of children. What are my chances - given no abuse history and such?

Going to court could poetentially cost what???

Thank you brother and sisters ...

Hubby
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Old 05-26-2006, 09:33 PM
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Hubby

Hubby, not to worry you haven't been served yet so you do have a bit of time. I suggest you retainer a lawyer ASAP. Be very careful who you choose. By not having a lawyer right now does in no way constitute an agreement with her drafted separation agreement.

As far as court costs, we shouldn't be swapping stories because our cases are so different but I went for a custody/access motion (with no case conference) and the Judge ordered a temporary interim interim order for custody & access, yes they used those words. I'd say it cost about $15,000, this included drafting of an affidavit and court time. I litigate with Toronto lawyers and they may be a bit more expensive than Ottawa Lawyers.

God Bless
Grace
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Old 05-26-2006, 09:37 PM
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Oops should have also mentioned that I got $5,000 back in "court costs" on that motion, so it costs me $10,000.
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Old 05-26-2006, 11:06 PM
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Hubby,

I've read your posts since you started, I agree with lv. Shared custody all the way, you come arcross as one of the most child centered persons I've seen, your children deserve your involvement as much as possible IMO, an access parent is really nothing more than a visitor in thier childrens lives.

As far as costs are concerned I think most of us who have been through it already would agree depends on the other parent, it sure can get ugly and expensive really fast, sorry that is not yhr answer you would like but probably accurate.
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Old 05-27-2006, 07:00 AM
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Hubby,

I suspect your spouse does not really want to go to court and would rather settle in an amicable way. However, if there is no movement then you don't really have any other choice but to go to court and litigate or give in to her demands.

You must have your own feelings why you want joint shared custody. If the matter does go to court, I would ask right from the get go for sole custody and subsequently failing that - joint custody.

lv
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Old 05-29-2006, 06:44 PM
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I've given this some thought.

In life, the people that take the risks are the ones that on average enjoy the rewards it has to offer.

I want my marriage to somehow survive this.

See, the way I see it, its all (marriage intact) or nothing (sole custody for her). I do not wish to become a 'visitor' in the lives of our kids, nor do I wish to only be a part of their lives and remain in suffering. There is NO in between for me. It's we are a family or we are not!

So the risk I take and I know this is HUGE, I give her soul custody, pay what I must and have absolutely NO contact. My chance I'm taking is that the stress of raising 3 kids and NO contact from me will help 'jolt' reality into her?

I know that I am beginning to fill with anxiety and anger at times, I go to the gym and work out like I've never worked out but do realize that these emotions are being caused by the stress of divorce that is external to me. The only way to deal with external stress .... is to start making decisions ... good or bad I must live with the consequences.

If the 'jolt' does not work, then my risk is I loose my family and must rebuild my life from scratch with some other woman. However, if the 'jolt' works ... then I have my family back.

It's like Abraham sacrificing his son for God at the Alter ... I am sacrificing all that I love in this world ... is it a big risk, yes ... but I will die trying!!!

I'm just doing my best to hold it together ...

I dunno ....

Lord help me!

Hubby :cry

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Old 05-29-2006, 07:15 PM
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Hubby,

Think some more on this, I think your just having a really bad day. Speaking from a women's persective beleive me this will not "jolt" her into reality. I would rather see you try a trial separation, but keep actively involved in the kids lives. If you go the NO contact route, is this fair to the children NO. This will cause cause more damage than good.

This is not the route to take,
Grace
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