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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 07-05-2016, 01:13 PM
hdc1894 hdc1894 is offline
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Default Well, it got a lot worse than I thought.... Parenting schedule

Hi All,

Incredible what can happen in 3 months. Posted on here a few times. Really had some hope that we could work this out ourselves, that failed. Mow mediation session one and that is very shaky. My line in the sand with the mediator was that i would not tolerate any less that 50-50 split. I was very liberal with allowing access for her to my 15 yr old son. She suggests EOW with 6-10 pm visits W/Th one week and 6-10 pm W next week. we move that to week 1 Me W 6-10 pm Visit
Week 2 Me W after school until the following Monday morning.
I am not really happy about this.
I ask for Tuesday nights at my place in Week 2. She really wants monday afternoon as she is home then and can be home with him. I have a greater chance of being home early on Tuesday than her so that is the basis of the proposal. I also offer up a Th 6-10 visit for her in week 2.

Well, she loses it. Says no. Threatens to harm my relationship with my son through telling him things that don't pertain to him (see my earlier posts if interested). All over texts so I have records of this.

Now I am left with a couple of choices. One, demand this or mediation ends and bring in the lawyers. Two, just end the mediation unilaterally and retain counsel and get house sold and submit offer to settle. (probably missed a few steps but you know what I mean).

One consideration is we are still living in the same house together. Second is that she has told a story that my son does not want his life uprooted (she has told him that she may get the house) so would like more time spent with "her in the house".

Any advice?

If this went to trial is there really any way that I wouldn't get 50-50 granted? My son and I are very close and spend a ton of time together away from her already.
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Old 07-05-2016, 02:27 PM
dinkyface dinkyface is offline
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I'd guess that receiving full table CS is the only chance she has of staying in the house? You have all the financials, you can work it out. She may need a court order that includes CS/SS numbers in order to qualify for the mortgage.

By the time you get to trial, your son is 17 and the issue will have been resolved one way or the other (he may make his own choice on where to be, or you work something out in the mean time).

Protect fiercely your relationship with your son. He will very likely have a say in this.
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Old 07-05-2016, 05:04 PM
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What does your son say?
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Old 07-05-2016, 05:52 PM
hdc1894 hdc1894 is offline
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Here is tough one, so chime in here. I am trying really hard not to put him in the middle on this. How do I ask him this question without doing that?
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Old 07-05-2016, 06:01 PM
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Just ask him what he would see as best case scenario for spending an equal amount of time with each parent.

I cant imagine the above proposed schedule working well with a teenager that age. Week on week off would be the most consistent schedule, especially for a 15 year old. Likely, by the time any of this is resolved he will either be 16 or close to it, at least. At that point he can walk out of both of your homes, go stay wherever he wants and there is little anyone can do about it.

It's highly unlikely a judge would spend much time on a case determining custody for a kid that age when no court order can dictate where he has to be.

Just talk to the kid, see what he thinks works best, outline some options for him and let him tell you what works for him.
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Old 07-05-2016, 06:53 PM
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I would agree with Blink here.

a) week on week off (this really makes sense in this scenario)
b) kid has a HUGE say here.
c) don't cave in to anything you or your son is uncomfortable with.

They throw stuff at you quick in mediation. If I could go back I'm not sure if I'd do too much different (trial for CS?? .. naa .. but perhaps)

Go camping, fishing, take to a baseball game, etc ..BOND!!!....(although I'm sure you already are). I'll also reiterate what someone above said: explaining to your son the importance of having both parents in his life equally. That you both love him very much and that both parents have a ton to offer him on their time.

I couldn't really say it any better than Blink:
Quote:
Just talk to the kid, see what he thinks works best, outline some options for him and let him tell you what works for him.
Great idea.
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Old 07-06-2016, 10:29 AM
dinkyface dinkyface is offline
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You son needs to be informed of what is happening, and kept up to date on any relevant changes (not speculations, wants, negotiations).

How about you schedule a sit down with him, and mom, at same time. If she refuses, arrange to sit with him in her presence when she is not likely to be busy. Up to her if she listens, leaves, or contributes.
Read a book about talking with kids about divorce. There are books for teens too, plus forums, help lines.
You can touch on money issues, just saying that it is more expensive to have 2 households, not sure what will happen with the house, but that you will continue to support each other financially. Talk about importance of regular schedule, but that it is not necessarily fixed in stone, it can be adapted as you figure it out. Drive home that living in 2 homes will be a necessity, but for him the big issue may be how often he switches (so no to the 6-10 visits?). Nuts and bolts of living in 2 houses (where's my stuff!). Do you know of other teens in his school with divorced parents (who have an arrangement you like!)

Last edited by dinkyface; 07-06-2016 at 10:33 AM.
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Old 07-06-2016, 01:21 PM
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Amazing responses by all. I have talked to him and he indicated that the would prefer fewer switches in an every other week scenario with lots of flexibility. Go figure. When I shared this with his mother, she said that it was different than what he told her. While I will follow Dinky's advice and try to have a meeting with him and his mother, I did tell her privately that I would not accept less than every other week with lots of flexibility because that is what he said to me. She was not too happy after that but I really don't care if that is what he wants I will fight for that.

Thanks everyone
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Old 07-08-2016, 09:03 AM
hdc1894 hdc1894 is offline
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Well, the plot thickens. She seems unwilling to budge on this. Wants to involve a neutral third party of some sort to meet with our son to get at what he wants. Says it is all about me being the reason I want eow. This would be an easy decision if we weren't still living in the same house. I would lawyer up I think. As for now, one more mediation session and then some other things will have to start. So depressing. Out of all of this, I thought this was the no brainer. Eow sounds like the norm for older teenagers. Having a hard time with this.
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Old 07-08-2016, 10:00 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hdc1894 View Post
Well, the plot thickens. She seems unwilling to budge on this. Wants to involve a neutral third party of some sort to meet with our son to get at what he wants. Says it is all about me being the reason I want eow. This would be an easy decision if we weren't still living in the same house. I would lawyer up I think. As for now, one more mediation session and then some other things will have to start. So depressing. Out of all of this, I thought this was the no brainer. Eow sounds like the norm for older teenagers. Having a hard time with this.
I think the son may be telling each parent what they want to hear so he wont feel so in the middle. He doesn't want to disappoint either of you.
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