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Common Law Issues The law regarding common law relationships is different than in cases of divorce. Discuss the issues that affect unmarried couples here.

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  #51  
Old 03-15-2011, 02:37 PM
MAC-JMJ MAC-JMJ is offline
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Okay, so all utilities have been switched over into her name and I sent out the e-mail indicating to her that I will be paying monthly CS at my time tabled amount - her 50% of the mortgage starting April 1, 2011. I have also declined all child access arrangements as they are very unfair and one sided but accepted the smaller increases in time that she has provided me. Since she is also having her new boyfriend at the home I sent an e-mail giving 48 hour notice with a police escort for me to pick up a copy of things from my home. She of course e-mailed back saying that I need to provide her with a list and that the police advised me not to go in. I corrected her by saying that I still have full legal right to enter the home (no exclusive posession document served to me) but to show I am being cooperative I will give notice. She also asked for a list of itmes to which I replied since she has someone else in our home I do not feel comfortable doing this but no items I take will have an impact on her or the kids (it is just some of my car parts, maintanence items onlt for my car). I still haven't heard anything further from mediation but am wondering what is the best way to get the home listed on the market. I am tired of all this stalling and just want things to be cleaned up. To me there is no reason why the home cannot be listed soon, even if for my kids sake we negotiate a closer when school is done. She said the home would be dealt with at the time of mediation, which again could take months to solve. I want to move on! Any thoughts around this? And as always thanks for your advice
  #52  
Old 03-15-2011, 04:33 PM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
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There is a court order for the home, so it should be a non-issue. She either abides by the order or she is in contempt. However, you will appear to be a much better person AND looking out for the children's best interests should you be willing to agree that they can continue to reside in the house until the end of the school year.

As for your things, give her 1 weeks notice that you will be attending the house to pick up your things. Call the police and have them aware and request that an officer attend to ensure that both you and your ex remain civil. While in the house, even with the cop there, wear a digital voice recorder.

As for a list, it is just a means of control and delay. She will say she will put it out for you...and then not... and then say she will get to it next week......I mean, you could play this game a bit. Give her a list of the items you know off the top of your head are there, but state that it the list is not exhaustive of all items as there may be further personal items you don't recollect at that moment. Then say you will provide her with 1 week to collect all of the items that are the list, otherwise you will be entering the house to remove them. Edit - but be clear that any such list you provide is not exhaustive and you reserve the right to advise her of any such item you recall/require in the future. Otherwise, she will look at the list vs everything else in the house and figure if it isn't on the list, you've abandoned it.

As for custody, which is much more important, you shouldn't be refusing any parenting time at this point. You can refuse any offer to settle that you believe is unsatisfactory, but TAKE ANY TIME YOU CAN. If says you can have the kids for 8 hours this weekend, but only if you agree to her access provisions, I would reply to her saying that you appreciate the time with the kids, but are not willing to undermine their relationship with you by agreeing to extremely unfair and restrictive access provisions.

But keep asking for the kids via email. Ask 2-3 times a week for as much time as you can spare. But don't say "no, I won't see the kids because I can't to your access schedule", you need to be much more tactful and state "thank you for advising me that I may have parenting time with the kids on X date. With regards to your provision on continuing parenting time, I cannot agree with your recommendation as I don't believe it to be in the children's best interests. I look forwarding to seeing the kids on the time provided." If her head explodes and she reneges on any parenting time, she is the one that will look bad. She is the one that will appear to be pressuring you and using parenting time as leverage to get you to agree to an unfair access schedule.

My ex hated it when I used her own words against her. She would offer things, but put provisions on it. I took the time, but rejected her provisions. Do the same.

Last edited by HammerDad; 03-15-2011 at 04:40 PM.
  #53  
Old 03-15-2011, 04:44 PM
MAC-JMJ MAC-JMJ is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HammerDad View Post
There is a court order for the home, so it should be a non-issue. She either abides by the order or she is in contempt. However, you will appear to be a much better person AND looking out for the children's best interests should you be willing to agree that they can continue to reside in the house until the end of the school year.

As for your things, give her 1 weeks notice that you will be attending the house to pick up your things. Call the police and have them aware and request that an officer attend to ensure that both you and your ex remain civil. While in the house, even with the cop there, wear a digital voice recorder.

As for a list, it is just a means of control and delay. She will say she will put it out for you...and then not... and then say she will get to it next week......I mean, you could play this game a bit. Give her a list of the items you know off the top of your head are there, but state that it the list is not exhaustive of all items as there may be further personal items you don't recollect at that moment. Then say you will provide her with 1 week to collect all of the items that are the list, otherwise you will be entering the house to remove them.

As for custody, which is much more important, you shouldn't be refusing any parenting time at this point. You can refuse any offer to settle that you believe is unsatisfactory, but TAKE ANY TIME YOU CAN. If says you can have the kids for 8 hours this weekend, but only if you agree to her access provisions, I would reply to her saying that you appreciate the time with the kids, but are not willing to undermine their relationship with you by agreeing to extremely unfair and restrictive access provisions.

But keep asking for the kids via email. Ask 2-3 times a week for as much time as you can spare. But don't say "no, I won't see the kids because I can't to your access schedule", you need to be much more tactful and state "thank you for advising me that I may have parenting time with the kids on X date. With regards to your provision on continuing parenting time, I cannot agree with your recommendation as I don't believe it to be in the children's best interests. I look forwarding to seeing the kids on the time provided." If her head explodes and she reneges on any parenting time, she is the one that will look bad. She is the one that will appear to be pressuring you and using parenting time as leverage to get you to agree to an unfair access schedule.

My ex hated it when I used her own words against her. She would offer things, but put provisions on it. I took the time, but rejected her provisions. Do the same.
Thanks H-Dad,

so to confirm though, there is no court order for the home. As stated earlier is this thread it is jointly owned on title with me putting down 90+% of the down payment. She is living in the home with my kids and now also havinh her new boyfriend come into the home. I have asked again when can when put the home on the market but she is saying we will deal with that through mediation, which as my eyes have been opened, is another stall tactic because closing will be adjusted for the kids to be doen school in July. So why can't it go up now, right? She does say that because she runs a daycare, it may cause her to loose some kids, I think she only has two one might be p/t but she can still have the discussion with the families ahead of time or at least meet so we can get all the realtor info out of the way. Bottom line, I do not want to wait for mediation to finish and then put it up for sale because I am going after 50/50 shared custody ( I worked it out where I am staying) so I am sure this may take some time before it has settled. The more debt I can free up and pay the better. So I can file a motion at the court to have this done but I do not want to seem like I am pushing my kids out of the home, if you know what I mean? Any thoughts around this?

Also, you seem to have great knowledge in this area, what can you offer around requesting 50/50 custody through mediation?

And for your other points, yes I made it clear that I accepted and thanked for the time, she now gave me full week ends bw, instead of just 8 hours bw, but I still said not good enough as I do not want to committ but she does not know I will be going for 50/50. I will take everything she gives me with my kids, of course.

Do I also need to give her 1 week for the police? I gave her 48 hours before her first e-mail declkine back to me?

Thanks H-Dad
  #54  
Old 03-15-2011, 04:53 PM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
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You can file a motion to compel the sale of the house, and put in the motion that the date of closing may be no earlier than 2 weeks after the end of the school year (this will allow them to complete the year without needing to pack their stuff at the same time). But the reality is, getting a motion heard before the end of the school year will be difficult. You are kinda stuck in that regard.

Her issue with losing any kids is a moot point to you. It isn't your business, you don't care. I wouldn't respond to any points on that issue.

With 50/50, there are more people here with more knowledge then I. I don't have 50/50, I just have an ex who likes to delay and make my life hard. She is a control freak. So I pass along my experience in that regard. But if you can get her agree to 60/40 or better you and your kids are in good shape. However, she will fight it tooth and nail because with 60/40 you go the offset amounts for c/s, which means her gravy train won't run as well.

I normally say 1 week, as it is a reasonable period of time for her to a) collect anything she believes is yours and put it in a place convenient for you to remove (so you don't have to trudge through the house or spend an unnecessary amount of time and b) it gives you a period where can follow up to remind her you are coming and to have any items she believes to be yours put aside for you to remove.
  #55  
Old 03-15-2011, 05:10 PM
MAC-JMJ MAC-JMJ is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HammerDad View Post
You can file a motion to compel the sale of the house, and put in the motion that the date of closing may be no earlier than 2 weeks after the end of the school year (this will allow them to complete the year without needing to pack their stuff at the same time). But the reality is, getting a motion heard before the end of the school year will be difficult. You are kinda stuck in that regard.

Her issue with losing any kids is a moot point to you. It isn't your business, you don't care. I wouldn't respond to any points on that issue.

With 50/50, there are more people here with more knowledge then I. I don't have 50/50, I just have an ex who likes to delay and make my life hard. She is a control freak. So I pass along my experience in that regard. But if you can get her agree to 60/40 or better you and your kids are in good shape. However, she will fight it tooth and nail because with 60/40 you go the offset amounts for c/s, which means her gravy train won't run as well.

I normally say 1 week, as it is a reasonable period of time for her to a) collect anything she believes is yours and put it in a place convenient for you to remove (so you don't have to trudge through the house or spend an unnecessary amount of time and b) it gives you a period where can follow up to remind her you are coming and to have any items she believes to be yours put aside for you to remove.

I see, well then maybe the scare of me doing this 'motion' will be motivation enough because I think I am being more than fair here as I have been paying for this home for over 16 months now and only left with the clothes that I had and my car. Anyway, nothing wrong with me continuously requesting for it, I guess.

I have read up on here for the whole CS table tabled amount and I see posters who say that 60% her 40% me still requires me to pay the full scheduled amount. Where as 50/50 does not? Are there any other links you know of, even outside of this forum? I cannot seem to find a straight answer on this.

Really though, the fact how she right now is trying to limit me so much on seeing them, I do not have a choice but not to go for 50/50 shared custody. I could only imagine what she would try to do if it wasn't that way and I do not want to think of it. As you can see, she is controlling as well.

So really the time notice given is just a formality then? All my stuff is in the garage, so I really do not even how to go into the home, unless of course she moved stuff?

One other question, it bothers me that her new BF gets access to my home with my possessions? I don't know him, who he is, what he is like with me kids etc. I trust that she would not let anything hapen to them, but well, some dudes you just don't know. Plus, his buddies are over, maybe things get broken, stolen etc? Any thing I can request around this?

Thanks again for sharing your experiences with me man!
  #56  
Old 03-16-2011, 09:01 AM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
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60/40 = offset amounts the vast majority of the time. 61/39 = full table amounts.
  #57  
Old 03-16-2011, 02:51 PM
MAC-JMJ MAC-JMJ is offline
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Does anyone else have any input around successful tips, stories etc in obtaining 50/50 shared custody?

Thanks all
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