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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 11-13-2009, 02:01 PM
mylesc mylesc is offline
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Question recovering addict mom is looking to change court order, need advice

Hello everyone,

I currenlty was informed by my lawer about a request for case confrence by my duaghters mom.

history

i was given temporary primary address in 2007 due to moms ongoing probelms with drugs. she has been in recovery since june 2008, doing well from what i can see. in dec of 2007 i agreed to allow 50 50 since she was doing better and our daughter was definatley happy to have mom back in her life unsupervised (as the current court order dictates supervised visits only at CAS). This 50 50 agrangement has worked well, but now im moving to better location, currently just of parkdale and selling to move to kanata. This move is for our daughters benifit for school and just a better environment to raise her in.

Mom is upset that im moving, she is filling for joint custody, and demanding that our daughter remain in her current school even though im moving out of the district, why, cause its easier for her to get her there thatn to get her to kanata, no car.

she rents, was eveicted 2 times that i know of, and midnight moved on her last landlord. as i said shes in recovery and now is full time in the government, stable job and income.

I dont know what happens with the status quo here, can i keep primary address and what would be my arguments to do so? whats the best way to approach it.

Aslo we had both agreeed on no support to be paid but since i know make more money that her, she is demanding support. she hasnt paid support since may this year(as per court order), and she also since may has been paying 40% of the daycare costs as per our pay.
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Old 11-13-2009, 02:49 PM
Foredeck Foredeck is offline
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When trying to relocate, the onus is on you. You have to prove that this is for the benefit of the daughter.

A judge will rarely, if not never, approve a relocation request if it's to be with a new partner.

If it's simply because it's a better school, that could be a matter of opinion. I think you would need more then that.

By moving, you will increase her cost, and as you've said, she's slowly putting herself back on her feet. Will she be able to afford travelling back and forth?

So, if you are granted permission to relocate, be prepared to pay for your ex's travel to visit her daughter.

How old is your daughter? If she is old enough, her wish will be considered. I believe at 13, they take her opinion very seriously, but even at a younger age, they will take it into consideration.
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Old 11-13-2009, 03:57 PM
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You are looking to move quite a long way away. You have a very substantial burden in establishing why such a move away from Mom is in the child's best interest, especially now that Mom is doing better and you have upped the time with her 50/50
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Old 11-13-2009, 09:10 PM
Simplicity Simplicity is offline
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I agree with the previous respondents. It so happens that the schools in the neighbourhood where you live have excellent reputations. For example, Cambridge Street is an excellent primary school. Then the middle school Glashan on Catherine Street is considered to be one of the best in the city. There are even lots of kids from Rockcliffe that apply to go there. The secondary schools also have good reputations.
There are also lots of extracurricular programs in the neighbourhood.... for example soccer programs for both boys and girls in the early summer. So perhaps you need to consider again the school portion of your argument.
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Old 11-14-2009, 07:44 AM
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Thanks for th the responses!

Im actually moving closer to her moms. I currently live downtown, civic hospital area and will be moving to kanata while mom lives on woodroofe and huntclub, those of you who dont know ottawa, within 10km. the current school is good but pervious to summer and thoughout summer lice has been a serious problem. our daughter needed hair treatment every 2 weeks that includes "defunking" both of our houses.

I must also say that my house is part of the exproriation plans for the expansion of the queensway. basically im being forced to move come next spring. This house has been fine for her but she is of the age where she would like to go out and play and ride her bike, and my street is incredabably busy, its an actaull off ramp for the highway.

all im tring to do is give my daughter what she deserves a better place to live and grow up.

|i dont mind travelling costs as i have a car, but i will argue that it is her responsibiltiy as it was mine in the beginning to get our daughter to school and daycare.

hope this helps
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Old 11-14-2009, 09:58 AM
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I thought you meant Parkdale neighbourhood in Toronto, moving to Kanata.
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Old 11-14-2009, 12:18 PM
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Ideally you want to come to an amicable compromise with the mother. You are willing to go 50/50 which is great, it will be great for the child and it is great that you can come across as being reasonable.

If the mum doesn't have a car, you won't seem reasonable if you are requiring her to take transit across town or pay for expensive cab trips.

You can write into the agreement that you will take care of transportation unless/until she gets her own vehicle. This makes you come across as reasonable. It also gives you those exta times with your child which you will value, and puts your mind at ease that you are able to transport her safely and on time. I will tell you that it is very frustrating to have the mum be 3 hours late and not call, or to not know where they are or how they are travelling. Of course you should be reliable and on time with transportation. Since transportation would ordinarily be a 50/50 expense you could have this factored into CS payments. Above all make this a posititve offer with every effort to work things out, and it gives you a leg up in negotiations.

You may want to adjust your schedule if you are living further apart. A longer trip won't make sense if you changing households a couple of times a week. 50/50 could be every other week and this cuts down on your transportation costs picking her up and dropping her off at her mum's.

The choice of schools is the awkward issue here. If you are having joint custody/decision making, and can't agree, then you should really go to a mediator. It is a small issue so it really shouldn't take more than one hour. Or perhaps offer to ask HER mother to mediate, if you trust that the mother is reasonable and would put the child first. Be prepared to accept the decision regardless who mediates. There is nothing to gain if you both plant your feet and then September rolls around and you still haven't reached a decision.

Lice can be an issue in the best of schools, it only takes one child trying on a hat in a department store. With our daughter, in a gifted program in an excellent school, we've had several bouts of lice. If it is an issue, then the child should be just as upset and the mother should be just as frustrated. Pulling a child out of school and away from their friends can be very traumatic, and I would never do it to my child unless it was really necessary.

Always make sure you put the child first, there are pro's and con's to any decision, and don't just focus on the ones that support your own choice. It's easy to do and I've fallen into that trap myself, we all do.
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