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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #71  
Old 11-22-2012, 03:01 PM
JB514 JB514 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
JB514:

How many women, married 30 years, with 8 DV charges during a separation do you know that don't file an ex-parte motion for exclusive possession of their home?

How many judges then award the male spouse accused of those DV charges exclusive possession due to a 26-year old, working, married kid?

How does just that one part of her story make sense?

There's more than one inconsistency in her postings. She's clearly not telling the truth.

The bottom line is that there are too many people filing false charges at extreme detriment to the other spouse involved. There are also far too many vexatious litigants wasting the court's time.

Those things affect us ALL.
I am also giving the poster a bit more credit not only because it is hard to relate all info in this forum, but also because according to her, the Judge had ordered some costs against her ex. And this being not even a Trial stage, I would say that her ex is the one being uncooperative. I can see that she might be clouded by emotions, but who would not get frustrated if it takes forever to get what belongs to you and uncooperative ex. Not talking about SS though because as she said she wants to be done with this so that she will never have to deal with him. However, being dependent on his SS payments, means staying connected for the term of SS.

Last edited by JB514; 11-22-2012 at 03:04 PM.
  #72  
Old 11-22-2012, 03:28 PM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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Quote:
but also because according to her, the Judge had ordered some costs against her ex.
She said that..and also said that the Judges kept forwarding her to conferences...which is part of what she was ranting about...read back through her posts. They don't award costs at conferences. She also claimed the costs the judge so-called awarded didn't cover the fees.

Fees for what? Costs are awarded with a successful motion (sorry, or trial). So if there there was a successful motion...what was it for? She claims not to have an order for exclusive possession and claims not to have an order for interim SS. She doesn't have minor kids..so it couldn't be for CS. If it was for disclosure, why didn't they tack anything else onto it if she was put out of her family home and destitute financially??? If she has a successful disclosure motion, why isn't she now filing a motion for the division or filing another disclosure motion if he hasn't complied?

She's in a 30 year marriage with DV charges and no one thought to ask for the house or interim SS and went straight to a disclosure motion? I just find that really, really, really hard to believe.

I did ask her several times to clarify whether she had filed a motion...she didn't and instead kept talking about abuse allegations and her husband not giving her anything. If that's how she acts in court..its not that outrageous that she's wasted a year's worth of time. And that is NOT her ex's fault...its hers.

By the way, a year into the process isn't a great length of time...even if you only have one lawyer and a fairly clear-cut case. I'm in a worse situation time-wise and there are stories far, far worse than mine.

Quote:
but I don't recall her ever saying that she couldn't get exclusive possession..or didn't even try for exclusive possession at one point based off of the alleged abuse.....
Well, that's what a lot of high conflict, dishonest posters do though. They flame on about the lack of justice, about how they're being taken advantage of by everyone...but then when asked about a detail...they'll avoid the question and rage on about some other emotional drivel. Its fairly simple to say..."I asked Lawyer #3 to file a motion for exclusive possession, however, my monstrous ex lied his ass off in court and despite my evidence, I wasn't believed and ended up in a rental just to be safe from abuse."

Notice the pattern of what she says. Nothing concrete. No real facts. Never answers a question. Can't explain the process she went through. Always on a "victimization" angle.

Again, this is my personal opinion. I think she's being dishonest and has been unsuccessful with a multitude of lawyers and judges because she isn't telling the truth in court or in this forum.

It should be a cakewalk for a woman in a 30-year marriage with real DV charges to be in her home and have, or be in the process of getting, an interim order for SS in a year's time. Especially having had 3 lawyers.

This poster is claiming to have had 3 lawyers and consulted 2 more in a year...to the point where she's spent all the money she had....and yet has no resolution on key issues...no one else thinks that's odd?

I have a real issue with people that lie for attention or sympathy when there are real people who get screwed for life with false DV charges. I know a guy who literally cannot get a job to support his kid because he was falsely accused...it can ruin your life.

I also have an issue with vexatious litigants who waste the court's time with a bunch of false nonsense and unreasonable requests and behavior because it burdens the system in both time and money and clutters the system up for everyone else.

I don't know if either of those things are what this particular poster is doing...but it doesn't look good given her posts.

I'm sure if she has actual facts to clarify with, she will.

Last edited by Pursuinghappiness; 11-22-2012 at 03:35 PM.
  #73  
Old 11-22-2012, 03:33 PM
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Tayken Tayken is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
Well, that's what a lot of high conflict, dishonest posters do though. They flame on about the lack of justice, about how they're being taken advantage of by everyone...but then when asked about a detail...they'll avoid the question and rage on about some other emotional drivel. Its fairly simple to say..."I asked Lawyer #3 to file a motion for exclusive possession, however, my monstrous ex lied his ass off in court and despite my evidence, I wasn't believed and ended up in a rental just to be safe from abuse.
This is a very learned and wise observation and a continually repeated pattern of behaviour of the conflicted posters...
  #74  
Old 11-22-2012, 03:41 PM
FightingForFamily FightingForFamily is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
For the past two years, my bf and I lived on under $40k a year... we managed... we were unable to afford extra things like dinners out or going to the moves, but it can be done. After all bills are paid, we had maybe $300 a month to live on and that had to go towards groceries, gas and such.
I am living on 22k while paying "guideline" spousal and child support.

My salary is 61k. The rest goes to taxes and my support payments.

And I agree, it is fair to live on $40k. You can afford a small rental townhouse, a car, basic groceries and necessities without many extras. I could totally survive on 40k. It's not fair to expect a payor to survive on 22k while providing a place for their child when they come to visit though.
  #75  
Old 11-22-2012, 03:49 PM
hemademesingle hemademesingle is offline
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Not to add fuel to this fire,

I was awarded $500.00 for cost in my case conference, the judge awarded it because the future x nor his lawyer bothered to show up, nor contact the courts, my lawyer proved that they were notified in the proper way, and had plenty of time to prepare,
  #76  
Old 11-22-2012, 04:04 PM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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Quote:
I was awarded $500.00 for cost in my case conference, the judge awarded it because the future x nor his lawyer bothered to show up, nor contact the courts, my lawyer proved that they were notified in the proper way, and had plenty of time to prepare
Hemademesingle:

Point taken...I should have said "usually" not awarded at conferences. I'm not a judge so I'm sure there are all types of exceptions...for instance like yours, when someone just completely doesn't show up.

This is what what the poster said though:

Quote:
The third lawyer finally went to court and that's when I was able to get away from him. The ex was ordered to pay some of the court costs but not enough to cover the fees. Again, I couldn't afford to keep him and he advised me to try it on my own since it was a simple matter of division.
I don't know what that means. I don't know what type of motion you file to be able to "get away from someone." In an abuse situation, you exit into a safe place and file for exclusive possession. You could also file a motion with regard to selling the matrimonial home. If this action was successful and resulted in costs being awarded, clarification would be nice but the poster probably won't do so.

Also if the 3rd lawyer then advised it was "a simple matter of division"...what about SS and the matrimonial home?

I'm not trying to be a meticulous ass...its just my nature to notice inconsistencies, its something I do. And this wouldn't be the first poster to do this sort of thing on here.
  #77  
Old 11-22-2012, 04:10 PM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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Quote:
I am living on 22k while paying "guideline" spousal and child support.

My salary is 61k. The rest goes to taxes and my support payments.

And I agree, it is fair to live on $40k. You can afford a small rental townhouse, a car, basic groceries and necessities without many extras. I could totally survive on 40k. It's not fair to expect a payor to survive on 22k while providing a place for their child when they come to visit though.
I sympathize.

Its been a tough year for me too...better than last year but not by much.

I've been watching those extreme couponing shows...and I wish that we could do that in Canada.

At least some of it...some of the stuff they horde up on is pretty unhealthy.
  #78  
Old 11-22-2012, 04:55 PM
joanniefree joanniefree is offline
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This person actually tried to kill me! I'm a total mess right now. I pretend to be normal. He is a sick person. Can you believe he was a lawyer? He got his license suspended.
  #79  
Old 11-22-2012, 05:11 PM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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Joannie:

Did he get his license suspended after he tried to hurt you?

I'm sorry about your dog.

Are you getting some kind of help? I think even sometimes in non-abuse situations, after a long marriage...its hard to adjust to not being married. Maybe check with your lawyer, normally they have the names of good therapists who are trained to help you through divorce trauma.
  #80  
Old 11-22-2012, 10:26 PM
roxyroller71 roxyroller71 is offline
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I agree with what u said. Can u explain more on car conference and evidence!? I have been saving and holding back. I have never gone and said anything until recently since he doesn't even parent by email and I need to know if and when he is visiting.
I might have to have a really good talk w the lawyer.
I have looked at the activities and have made sure that they are the import at ones and how cheap am I am able to find the activities. And like I said I budget for These things. My sons stuff is always take care of and he saves and knows about patience on waiting for something's. he is awesome and always the easy one to deal with.
My concern is the daycare/daycamps for my sons care while I work.
I worked at a job made 33/yr. I lost that job when the company got rid of 6000 employees.
Just prior to losing my job I was considering buying a home and decided the situation wasn't reliable so moved in w my family. I help with bills and groceries but it is rent free. Which is a great help. I also was able to apply for subsidy!
Daycare was subsidized as was daycamps and so is the swim lessons swim lessons alone are 250/yr. daycare cost 160/mo each inservice day 22.00/day not including summer, Xmas or spring break. Thus the need to daycamps. I was fortunate and made really good contacts and looked for resources that might assist.
While I was unemployed I used it as an opportunity to go to school. At this point I then made 19,000/yr. I was able to get student loans and grants. I used my time for triple ppp parenting classes which are great! I did not waste my time nor money. I was happy to be home ad to be safe from that crazy nutjob. He is authoritarian and just demanded u do what he told u. He still forces his way into my home!

But of course over time thins changed, I'm still taking occasional courses part time and now working at a job making 36/yr. they provide full benefits and match my contributions. I have a second job as well.
So things are fine and my stuff is going well. I got savings and could use more and just paying this court case which is the only thing holding me back.
I can't buy a house while this is going on Becuase of that bill popping up with a mortgage.
I guess I need to submit my own financial for the last 3 yrs?i went to the bank to day to get copies of all my cheques to the school and have copies o my banking statements for the last 3 yrs
I'm scared my ex will just cause more grief and he is spiteful and hateful.
I'm sure he feels he has reason but I have gone past hate into indifference and its liberating. But I'm still working on my issues left over from his damage.

I don't like being called a liar and having a judge look at me and then question MY finances. Im all good and can pay for my son all on my own.
That was an over put on the table almost a year ago: zero payment on outstanding or retroactive if u can provide a joint parenting agreement with whatever u want for visits. Alternate the vacations and holidays and lets just have minimal contact unless required. Preferably through lawyers or family website.
But regardless, It can't be done. It would be nice for the other parent to contribute.
My perceptions of a father have certainly left me but so has the sense of responsibility. I know I certainly wasn't the only baby maker and don't see why I am the one covering and doing every thing.
This is all over but if u have insights on how I can improve my case for trial it would be wonderful . I got bank and credit card statements, cheque prints and my mom can go to court and is willing to give a statement on this.

I can go for hours and hours that's how deep I have fallen in the hole.
Thanks!
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