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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11  
Old 07-10-2019, 04:20 PM
shepherd shepherd is offline
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[QUOTE=iona6656;236759]why short motion?

Faster to get a court date.

As for defending myself, Iím about as clean as they come. No charges, no probations...childrenís doctor, therapists, teachers,CAS worker all have been fairly candid that they donít see me as the problem in the family dynamic.
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  #12  
Old 07-10-2019, 04:27 PM
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Janus Janus is offline
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You need to start keeping the other quote tag at the end

Ignore the *'s...

[*Quote]Janus is Awesome[*/Quote]

Which becomes

Quote:
Janus is Awesome
You are just doing the opening quote tag

[*Quote]Janus is Awesome

Which becomes

[Quote]Janus is Awesome
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  #13  
Old 07-10-2019, 04:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shepherd View Post
childrenís doctor, therapists, teachers,CAS worker all have been fairly candid that they donít see me as the problem in the family dynamic.
Do you have any of this in writing or this just what they have "told" you.

I mean, my doctor said that I have the herculean body of an olympic athlete. I since I am saying that he said so, it must be true.
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  #14  
Old 07-10-2019, 04:42 PM
shepherd shepherd is offline
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Point taken, and yes, I do have emails endorsing my contact with the kids, from CAS and therapist.

I guess my frustration is that I hear the courts push access barring very severe proven threats to safety....these are kids that are suffering a scorned parentís biased views to make a decision regarding their relationship with their father.
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  #15  
Old 07-11-2019, 07:31 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shepherd View Post
childrenís doctor, therapists, teachers,CAS worker all have been fairly candid that they donít see me as the problem in the family dynamic.
Quote:
I do have emails endorsing my contact with the kids, from CAS and therapist.
To be clear:

A) "The mother is the main problem here"
B) "The father should have some contact with the kids"

Those are not equivalent statements. Even if you were the main problem, most people would still believe that you should have contact with the children. All this means is that your parenting time won't happen to be supervised.

That's a good thing, you don't want supervised parenting time, but you are still a long ways away from 50%, which is what you need to end alienation.

Going to the lawyer today?
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  #16  
Old 07-11-2019, 09:42 AM
shepherd shepherd is offline
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My lawyer is already drafting the motion.
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  #17  
Old 07-11-2019, 09:43 AM
gettingexpensive gettingexpensive is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
That's a good thing, you don't want supervised parenting time, but you are still a long ways away from 50%, which is what you need to end alienation.
I'd say that even just a few hours a week seems sufficient to do quite a bit of alienation. My ex has done this quite frequently even though she only sees them 3 x 4 hours per week at this point. The stuff she told them and wrote to them.. it made the kids therapist feel sick. It's no wonder my youngest one had tantrums at home and was confused. This has stopped but I know it will happen again, it's now the calm before the storm.
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  #18  
Old 07-11-2019, 12:06 PM
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You are confusing two terms:

A) Alienation
B) Insulting

It is almost impossible for a 50%+ parent to be alienated. I would actually say impossible but I'm very leery of that term. Alienation requires kids to have an unrealistic view of a parent that completely contradicts reality. That's tricky if the kids spend a lot of time with the parent, because the reality they see will trump the version they hear.

I'm sure your ex is insulting which makes the kids feel bad and such. That is not alienation. Shepherd is probably not being alienated either (more likely explanation is that his kids are pissed that he bailed out of their lives), but since he does not see his kids he is definitely at risk for it.

You cannot be alienated if your ex only sees the kids 4 hours a week. Simply not possible. Perhaps you are a douchebag and ex is exposing that, but that's not exactly the same thing.
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  #19  
Old 07-11-2019, 01:03 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shepherd View Post
Nope, nada. Back in April, CAS was prepared to allow my daughter to live with me due to concerns over the behaviour of her older sibling. If they don't have an issue with me, I don't see how a judge would.
So all the allegations are false? You've never engaged in conflict enough to have CAS involved with your child(ren)?

I'm confused by your posts. You left your house last November to avoid conflict. What was the conflict? Who initiated the conflict? What actually happened?

You have more than 1 child? Cause your other posts talks about visits with your 11 year old.
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  #20  
Old 07-11-2019, 02:03 PM
gettingexpensive gettingexpensive is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
You are confusing two terms:

A) Alienation
B) Insulting

...

You cannot be alienated if your ex only sees the kids 4 hours a week. Simply not possible. Perhaps you are a douchebag and ex is exposing that, but that's not exactly the same thing.
Fair enough. But damage can be done. In my case, she was persuasive enough to put doubts in their mind for them to believe part of her "reality". She's been diagnosed BPD (and has other cluster B traits, and is using that diagnosis in her criminal court proceedings and divorce filings) so of course she blames everything on others and does a lot of emotional reasoning / believes that she is the best parent. Really messed up and their smear campaign is terrible (for those interested, a tour of the bpdfamily divorce forum is quite enlightening)

The kids will come home from the visits and would say troubling things and have quite the temper. The inappropriate messages she sent the kids also troubled the lawyer / kids therapist and CAS. Yes, due to the short visits (which used to be much longer before multiple "incidents") I was able to "salvage" them before the next day but my youngest one was always mad at me and say stuff like:
- I understand why mom did not like you, you never did anything for me. You were not there when I was born and never teached me anything. She did everything and you were only working.
- I don't know who to believe between mom and you
- It's all your fault that mommy is not doing well and has anger crisis like this

One night the oldest one couldn't sleep... I learned that it was because she told them that I had sexually assaulted her (a classic BPD smear campaign). He was quite confused...

The kids have been distancing themselves a bit from her now that they realize that she is ill and that's why she says these things (thanks to the therapist who helped them understand that) and I can now "fix" the kids within a few hours, as opposed to a day, when they are back from a visit. The shorter visits likely help since they don't spend all their energy being hyper vigilant around her.

A lot of damage can be done in a day when you are persuasive / manipulative enough and distort facts. As George Costanza would say: it's not a lie if you believe it. Cluster-B personalities are great at doing that.

Once in a while she does realize the damage she does to the kids and says that I should get full custody / primary residence but a few days later she changes her mind because "it never happened" and "she is the better parent".

I was going to say I might have a unique case but from browsing online, there are many fathers like me. It sucks. But I've never seen the kids so happy and relaxed on their days off (ie: when there are no visits) so I keep pushing ahead.
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