Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

I'm still in a cloud.

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • I'm still in a cloud.

    I just joined and I'm pretty confused right now. Two weeks ago my wife after 19 years said she was done with the marriage and gave me a lawyer's letter. I didn't see it coming. We have one child aged 9. I am so sick when I think of breaking up the family. I do love her.

    I have an appointment with a lawyer Wed. He cancelled last week but when I went there all I could think is that I'm going to pay you $200/hr to rip my family apart. I was pretty upset and I am about protectingy family, not hurting it.

    We also have a business that I need to liquidate and let employees go because I can't buy her out. She has another job. It's so stressful to try and look after everyone ... Employees and family so they will all be looked after while I know I will lose everything .... my job and home. No I won't get unemployment since I'm the owner.

    For the last few weeks I have been putting on the fake smile around customers and staff while I feel so ripped apart inside. It really hurts.

  • #2
    We also have a business that I need to liquidate and let employees go because I can't buy her out. She has another job. It's so stressful to try and look after everyone ... Employees and family so they will all be looked after while I know I will lose everything .... my job and home. No I won't get unemployment since I'm the owner.
    Doubt the business would be worth THAT much that you couldn't either refinance it, OR where equalization wouldn't take care of this. (ie. if her share of the business would be worth X...what other assets do you have that she could be given a larger share of in exchange for you keeping it?)

    Comment


    • #3
      Most of us have been there - thinking ALL will be lost.

      Be protective of your family etc, BUT don't allow for anything other than an equal and fair split of ALL debts and assets, raise your child 50/50, and hopefully avoid SS.

      Don't trust her, close all joint accounts and credit.

      For me, I went from thinking I would lose it all, to dividing everything equally, keeping my house, my kids half the time, and reasonable time limited SS that I pay. The ONLY thing I lost was some time with my kids (but more focused when I'm with them), and my former spouse. All is good now, great actually. This will happen to you - get counselling and keep your business!

      You've got to realize that divorce is a very normal and common thing, and yes it is happening to you, and you will absolutely be one of those that come out of it happy.

      Comment


      • #4
        If I try to buy my wife out of the business I simply won't have the working capital to keep it going. I don't have $20k and another 30k in cash to keep it going. It's not there.

        Comment


        • #5
          Hang in there my friend, I absolutely know what you're going through since Im in a similar situation. A couple of tips I would give you....

          a) get a GOOD family law lawyer. Try to get references and don't be afraid to be blunt with him/her. Ask them for references. RESEARCH family law. I've found out many lawyers are sloppy and don't try hard for their clients. The bottom line is no one will really care about you other than YOU. "Trust, but verify". Ask how long for them to return calls. I've found many lawyers take WEEKS to return simply calls on a simple question.

          b) Make sure you have an accountant review a rough draft. I can't stress this enough. Lawyers know very little about taxes and taxes are a big factor in sep agreements.

          c) don't be afraid to be creative re spousal support (make sure acct and lawyer agree though). I'm guessing it doesn't help your wife if you lose your business so try and get something that is fair to you both.

          d) don't make rash decisions. You will go through a wide range of emotions, some very destructive and irrational. Talk to your friends, ask for references of guys who have gone through something similar and seek their input.

          e) treat this as a "business deal"; don't let your wife walk all over you. Hopefully she'll be reasonable but don't forget her lawyer will be motivated to make her very aggressive (let's face it, the uglier it is for you both the better it is for the lawyer who is paid hourly !).

          Also, if you don't already realize it, Family law is very biased against guys. Don't expect any "fairness". As far as I'm concerned, the laws in this country actually encourage women to divorce to screw men financially. Yes, not all women are like that but if you are an honest, hard working guy who plays by the rules (sounds like you are), the family law system will do its best to bankrupt you. You may as well accept that now and fight like hell to keep what you can.

          Good luck.

          Comment


          • #6
            We also have a hobby farm. We've had it for 11 years with 3 horses. I love my land but hate the farming part. I cut my own hay. It costs 1000's/year to maintain. I so hate that I will have to liquidate it. Does my wife even realize that the horses might have to go for auction. That will kill her. It stops us from doing family things since there is always something to do.

            She always wanted the farm and I have played the farm hand for years to make it happen. Most of our money went into it. Does she really think she can keep and maintain it? It'll break her to lose the animals. The horses are getting old and we know the auction house means off to the slaughter house.

            Comment


            • #7
              Just cause the horses are old doesn't mean they'll be slaughtered. There are horse rescue places that horses can be surrendered to, or find them a home where they can be "companions"...there are alternatives to slaughtering old friends (and sorry, as much as I'd love to I can't adopt them!)

              Comment


              • #8
                also check out some of the stables that use therapy horses for handicapped kids to build up muscles and coordination. They need gentle horses.

                Comment


                • #9
                  One horse is old and lame. Not rideable. I don't really care about them at this time. It's just that I care how my wife will feel if she loses them.

                  This crap is really hurts.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    She has some pretty good incentive to have you continue with the business. Only you know how marketable you'd be as an individual in the job market, but being self employed for a long period of time might make it difficult to find a well-paying job.

                    If you lose the business, and have no EI your income will be zero meaning she would have to pay you spousal support, or you'd be paying her much less than you would if you kept the business. It is in her best interest to have you continue the business so make her aware of that.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      No one said life would be easy. Or even fair.

                      I know how hard it is.
                      I also know I am a better man having suffered through that heart-ache.
                      Even though it really sucked at the time.

                      You will get through - and be happier for it.
                      Believe it.

                      Comment

                      Our Divorce Forums
                      Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                      Working...
                      X