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Old 09-11-2011, 10:26 AM
lorlaman lorlaman is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: East York
Posts: 130
lorlaman is on a distinguished road

My ex and I split in October of 2010, after 25 years, 1/2 of my lifetime. Her mother passed away Dec 17, 2010, and I sent my condolences to her through my kids. My ex had a peace bond to stay away from me and the house so I couldn't talk to her directly. I went to the funeral home to visit my mother in law and was warned my ex would call the police. While my ex waited outside, I spent 1/2 hour paying my respects to her mother and family. The police were not called, and if they did, had no business with me.

I then went the mass 2 days later prior to the burial. Outside at the church, I waited until everyone went inside and thought I would sit at the back and unnoticed. I decided that my ex would think I was trying to cause trouble. I prayed in the car, cried for a good 15 minutes at the loss of a woman that was just as much a mother to me, and left.

On Jan 05, 2011 my dad passed away. I received no condolences, no card, no visit, absolutely nothing from my ex. In my dad's jacket, I placed a family photo of us; my ex, my two girls and I with a goodbye message on the back. My dad didn't know we had split up.

A funeral is not a place to bring up differences between people. It is where we pay respects to our beloved and where maturity is paramount. We need to put aside our differences, be adults, compassionate and respectful; no police involvement, no fights, no in-differences. It is where losses are realized and mourned that do not compare to any loss incurred in a separation.

In August 05 2011, my kids and their mother visited the cemetery; my ex's first time there since the burial 9 months before and where both my dad and her mom are buried. At her mother's grave, my ex cried, naturally. They then visited my dad's grave and my ex broke down hysterically and was inconsolable, saying over and over while sobbing,"I'm sorry I didn't come to your funeral" a vast difference from her reaction at her mom's grave. She then sat in her car with my kids for a 1/2 hour unable to drive.

I visit and keep in touch with her family regularly. Her aunts and uncles are still part of me and my kids family. My ex does not keep in touch with them and my kids would not see them at all if I did not visit them..

IMO, the families should not be involved in the breakup. They should be no different then the way kids are in a separation; take no sides, favour no-one, and leave the relationship issues to the parties that split. Visitation should go on similar to separated parents. No-one is supporting my ex's decision to split up and I appreciate their friendship and welcome when I visit. My visits are not intended to show support in who they favour. They are based on my friendship with them over 25 years. In my situation, I lost only my ex in the breakup, only my ex and no-one else.
Old 09-28-2011, 11:01 PM
High Road High Road is offline
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 32
High Road is on a distinguished road

@Lorlaman. I think your opinion is bang on!
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