Originally posted by dadtotheend
View Post
Announcement
Collapse
No announcement yet.
Should we allow the kids to stay overnight?
Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
-
If Stepdad and mom decide that they want to deny access, they would be facing a contempt of court trial where they would have to justify their actions based off a few posts from facebook and group affiliations......pretty much a losing scenario.
Hey, I don't agree with smoking pot. I thought it was kinda cool in high school but I out grew it. Now being 33 with a career in law, I can't see myself reverting to any high school ways. But that said, I have friends who do smoke and they are great parents, as they balance their habit with their parenting responsibilities.
Anyway, if mom had an issue she can call the police. But stepdad should stay out of middle, he isn't an applicant or respondent in any of the court material and therefor has no say in any of this.
Comment
-
bored now...
Jeez, you people really know how to turn a question into an argument.
Genexer has legitimate concerns about his stepchildren's safety and well-being.
The picture I saw from his first post is that the father is inconsistent, has been since the children were small. If my children's father were an unreliable/absent parent, I'd be asking questions too. Don't say you wouldn't, if YOUR children were at risk, real or imagined. Furthermore, I've read several threads here addressing this exact problem and asking for advice on how to work through this landmine. I hate hyprocrisy.
Genexer, I do agree that you may be making a mountain out of a mole-hill by projecting your fears then painting a person you have never met with a very broad brush. As an educator, you know that good people come in all types of (surprising) packages.
10 and 13 is a good age to begin engaging in honest discussions about alcholol and drug use, but it should start at home. Explain your (you and their mother's) position on the subject, and give the kids credit for being smart. If they know and understand the issue, they will be able to make their own judgment call. Furthermore, if they trust you both, they will let you know if they are uncomfortable with anything that goes on while they are in their father's care. This does not mean the kids should be grilled for information as soon as they come home from Dad's; this will only serve to make them uncomfortable and will likely mean they will not tell you anything if they don't have too.
Finally, I would like to suggest that you and your wife make it a stipulation that the children have their own sleeping space when they are visiting dad. Does Dad and the GF, or one of the older kids have to sleep on the sofa bed when the younger ones are there? So be it. For example, I might only be able to afford a one-bedroom apt for the first few months. My kids would sleep in the bedroom and I would take the sofa until a more comfortable arrangement can be found. I have no problem with that. A boy and a girl can share a space even if they are older; they are siblings, after all, and are probably very comfortable with each other already.
I believe that it is in the best interest of everyone involved to continue working towards an amicable relationship, and give other people the benefit of the doubt if there is no obvious (vs imagined or perceived) threat to the childrens' well-being and continuing healthy emotional development.
Grow up, people. I mean that in the nicest way, but I'm not impressed with the bitchiness that has been cropping up. It adds a most unpleasant aftertaste to the otherwise excellent and helpful advice that is available here.
Nuff said, eh.
Comment
-
Originally posted by MsD View PostGrow up, people. I mean that in the nicest way, but I'm not impressed with the bitchiness that has been cropping up. It adds a most unpleasant aftertaste to the otherwise excellent and helpful advice that is available here..
Comment
-
Originally posted by Mess View PostSee, that's the trouble with being too cheap to pay for professional advice. You have to put up with everyone's human failings.
Tks.
Comment
-
Originally posted by MsD View PostI thought the primary purpose of this forum was to help people find and use the resources they need to navigate the wonderful world of legalese and family/divorce law.Last edited by dadtotheend; 07-13-2010, 01:45 PM.
Comment
-
Originally posted by MsD View PostThe picture I saw from his first post is that the father is inconsistent, has been since the children were small. If my children's father were an unreliable/absent parent, I'd be asking questions too. Don't say you wouldn't, if YOUR children were at risk, real or imagined. Furthermore, I've read several threads here addressing this exact problem and asking for advice on how to work through this landmine. I hate hyprocrisy.
Aside from that, so long as dad and new gf aren't driving high or anything, or have never been convicted of drug offenses or driving under the influence, the chances of getting a court to agreed that they had grounds to deny access are very slim. A judge is more likely to require that neither parent promote or use drugs while in the presense of the children, and then slap the wrists of the parent who denied access stating that they should be promoting the childrens relationship with the other parent, not restricting it.
And again, this is a matter for mom, not stepdad or stepmom or gramma or grandpa. He is not party to order/agreement and as such has no say in how the parents choose to parent.
Comment
-
Originally posted by MsD View PostCan you clarify your point? I thought the primary purpose of this forum was to help people find and use the resources they need to navigate the wonderful world of legalese and family/divorce law.
Tks.
Put another way, we could have simply answered "No, you can't". That would not have been particularly helpful. It is helpful to know why. We explained, or tried to, why their personal judgements were failings. Some said it more harshly than others, but oddly all of us saw the same thing here.
Comment
-
Genexer has legitimate concerns about his stepchildren's safety and well-being.
The picture I saw from his first post is that the father is inconsistent, has been since the children were small. If my children's father were an unreliable/absent parent, I'd be asking questions too. Don't say you wouldn't, if YOUR children were at risk, real or imagined.
From personal and actual experience in this matter I can tell you right now that there is a right way and a wrong way to go about asking questions. There are appropriate agencies and methods for working through suspected cases of neglect, or abuse or if a safety issue is believed to exist. Until you have something you can prove...you CANNOT deny access.
This does not mean the kids should be grilled for information as soon as they come home from Dad's; this will only serve to make them uncomfortable and will likely mean they will not tell you anything if they don't have too.
Finally, I would like to suggest that you and your wife make it a stipulation that the children have their own sleeping space when they are visiting dad.
I agree with you that Dad/GF should share a bed if necessary. Hell the bio children and the GF's children were indicated to be the same sex. They can easily share rooms.
A boy and a girl can share a space even if they are older; they are siblings, after all, and are probably very comfortable with each other already.
Denial of access is probably the most common ploy used by CP's against NCP's. It's a sore spot for a LOT of members, and advocating for it is going to get you an earful. Bottom line is don't do it, because if the other side is persistent enough with it, you WILL pay the price for your foolishness.
Comment
-
Originally posted by MsD View PostCan you clarify your point? I thought the primary purpose of this forum was to help people find and use the resources they need to navigate the wonderful world of legalese and family/divorce law.
Tks.
People come to this site for advice, support etc. Of course you are going to get personal feelings because that is the nature of the site. If someone doesn't like the advice they are given the decides that the people taking the time to answer are idiots so be it, if you want someone to agree with everything you say then this is the wrong place for a person. Open minds are a good thing.
Comment
-
I've just gotta say....wtf on the tattooos comment?? Seriously? Did you make sure to inspect them for piercings as well? I hear those drop the moral compass a few notches as well!
I have tattoos AND various piercings and I can tell you my parenting skills have not changed one bit since getting any of them. (yes - i have a bunch even! *gasp* )
What a ridiculous comment to have made, but why should I be surprised in such a ridiculous post to begin with? You (original poster) already made up your mind before posting otherwise you wouldn't be going to such great pains to argue every point made by someone who offers an opinion contrary to yours.
Comment
Comment