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  • #31
    Originally posted by dadtotheend View Post
    You're an idiot.
    please feel free to let you real feelings show. LOL Hmm in his post he refers to bitter men, last time I went to the washroom I still peed sitting down.

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    • #32
      If Stepdad and mom decide that they want to deny access, they would be facing a contempt of court trial where they would have to justify their actions based off a few posts from facebook and group affiliations......pretty much a losing scenario.

      Hey, I don't agree with smoking pot. I thought it was kinda cool in high school but I out grew it. Now being 33 with a career in law, I can't see myself reverting to any high school ways. But that said, I have friends who do smoke and they are great parents, as they balance their habit with their parenting responsibilities.

      Anyway, if mom had an issue she can call the police. But stepdad should stay out of middle, he isn't an applicant or respondent in any of the court material and therefor has no say in any of this.

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      • #33
        It's not the pot, it's the tattoos.

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        • #34
          Originally posted by Mess View Post
          It's not the pot, it's the tattoos.
          maybe its because of the living in sin.

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          • #35
            Originally posted by Mess View Post
            It's not the pot, it's the tattoos.
            I have 3 of those. Got my first at ~21. Actually I would say there are at least a dozen ppl at my firm that have one (about 40 lawyers and 110 staff).

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            • #36
              bored now...

              Jeez, you people really know how to turn a question into an argument.

              Genexer has legitimate concerns about his stepchildren's safety and well-being.

              The picture I saw from his first post is that the father is inconsistent, has been since the children were small. If my children's father were an unreliable/absent parent, I'd be asking questions too. Don't say you wouldn't, if YOUR children were at risk, real or imagined. Furthermore, I've read several threads here addressing this exact problem and asking for advice on how to work through this landmine. I hate hyprocrisy.

              Genexer, I do agree that you may be making a mountain out of a mole-hill by projecting your fears then painting a person you have never met with a very broad brush. As an educator, you know that good people come in all types of (surprising) packages.

              10 and 13 is a good age to begin engaging in honest discussions about alcholol and drug use, but it should start at home. Explain your (you and their mother's) position on the subject, and give the kids credit for being smart. If they know and understand the issue, they will be able to make their own judgment call. Furthermore, if they trust you both, they will let you know if they are uncomfortable with anything that goes on while they are in their father's care. This does not mean the kids should be grilled for information as soon as they come home from Dad's; this will only serve to make them uncomfortable and will likely mean they will not tell you anything if they don't have too.

              Finally, I would like to suggest that you and your wife make it a stipulation that the children have their own sleeping space when they are visiting dad. Does Dad and the GF, or one of the older kids have to sleep on the sofa bed when the younger ones are there? So be it. For example, I might only be able to afford a one-bedroom apt for the first few months. My kids would sleep in the bedroom and I would take the sofa until a more comfortable arrangement can be found. I have no problem with that. A boy and a girl can share a space even if they are older; they are siblings, after all, and are probably very comfortable with each other already.

              I believe that it is in the best interest of everyone involved to continue working towards an amicable relationship, and give other people the benefit of the doubt if there is no obvious (vs imagined or perceived) threat to the childrens' well-being and continuing healthy emotional development.

              Grow up, people. I mean that in the nicest way, but I'm not impressed with the bitchiness that has been cropping up. It adds a most unpleasant aftertaste to the otherwise excellent and helpful advice that is available here.

              Nuff said, eh.

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              • #37
                Originally posted by MsD View Post
                Grow up, people. I mean that in the nicest way, but I'm not impressed with the bitchiness that has been cropping up. It adds a most unpleasant aftertaste to the otherwise excellent and helpful advice that is available here..
                See, that's the trouble with being too cheap to pay for professional advice. You have to put up with everyone's human failings.

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                • #38
                  Originally posted by Mess View Post
                  See, that's the trouble with being too cheap to pay for professional advice. You have to put up with everyone's human failings.
                  Can you clarify your point? I thought the primary purpose of this forum was to help people find and use the resources they need to navigate the wonderful world of legalese and family/divorce law.

                  Tks.

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                  • #39
                    Originally posted by MsD View Post
                    I thought the primary purpose of this forum was to help people find and use the resources they need to navigate the wonderful world of legalese and family/divorce law.
                    It is. It's not to endorse holier than thou rationalizations of denial of access, which happen to be the biggest abuse in family law, to say nothing of what little consequence they bring.
                    Last edited by dadtotheend; 07-13-2010, 01:45 PM.

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                    • #40
                      Originally posted by MsD View Post
                      The picture I saw from his first post is that the father is inconsistent, has been since the children were small. If my children's father were an unreliable/absent parent, I'd be asking questions too. Don't say you wouldn't, if YOUR children were at risk, real or imagined. Furthermore, I've read several threads here addressing this exact problem and asking for advice on how to work through this landmine. I hate hyprocrisy.
                      Being inconsistent is not grounds for denying access. And it appears that dad may have settled down, albeit with someone who stepdad and mom feel less than favourable of. But who dad dates is none of their business. So is what goes on in the other home so long as it doesn't put the children in harms way.

                      Aside from that, so long as dad and new gf aren't driving high or anything, or have never been convicted of drug offenses or driving under the influence, the chances of getting a court to agreed that they had grounds to deny access are very slim. A judge is more likely to require that neither parent promote or use drugs while in the presense of the children, and then slap the wrists of the parent who denied access stating that they should be promoting the childrens relationship with the other parent, not restricting it.

                      And again, this is a matter for mom, not stepdad or stepmom or gramma or grandpa. He is not party to order/agreement and as such has no say in how the parents choose to parent.

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                      • #41
                        Originally posted by MsD View Post
                        Can you clarify your point? I thought the primary purpose of this forum was to help people find and use the resources they need to navigate the wonderful world of legalese and family/divorce law.

                        Tks.
                        I think my point would be perfectly clear to someone who was half as smart as you seem to think you are. However I will humour you and walk you through it. A professional, hopefully, treat a client objectively and remain dispassionate. When you come to a forum like this you have to take what you get. We share our views and our personal experience. We are not legal professionals, we share what we have learned. In this case, many of us have learned over the years that people who throw stones are usually living in a glass house. The origianl poster in this thread had no legal right to deny the children time with their father or control their circumstance. Nevertheless they cloaked their petty judgements in a tissue thin layer of moral superiority. It offended us. We spoke up, since that is something we have the right to do. They asked for our opinions, and then they received them.

                        Put another way, we could have simply answered "No, you can't". That would not have been particularly helpful. It is helpful to know why. We explained, or tried to, why their personal judgements were failings. Some said it more harshly than others, but oddly all of us saw the same thing here.

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                        • #42
                          Genexer has legitimate concerns about his stepchildren's safety and well-being.
                          Barring an actual conviction on either the Bio-Dad or new girlfriend's part, it might be a concern, but it certainly is not grounds to restrict or limit access, which is what the OP was asking about.

                          The picture I saw from his first post is that the father is inconsistent, has been since the children were small. If my children's father were an unreliable/absent parent, I'd be asking questions too. Don't say you wouldn't, if YOUR children were at risk, real or imagined.
                          Hi...My kids WERE at risk...documented, proven risk. Read up on my intro post if you like. I have sole custody as my ex was given the option of either turning them over to me, or having CPS take them and place them in foster care for 5 days.

                          From personal and actual experience in this matter I can tell you right now that there is a right way and a wrong way to go about asking questions. There are appropriate agencies and methods for working through suspected cases of neglect, or abuse or if a safety issue is believed to exist. Until you have something you can prove...you CANNOT deny access.

                          This does not mean the kids should be grilled for information as soon as they come home from Dad's; this will only serve to make them uncomfortable and will likely mean they will not tell you anything if they don't have too.
                          It also means that if Dad has actually straightened up and gets wind that you are grilling the children unnecessarily, then he has grounds for a parental alienation complaint and can try to request additional access if not have custody changed because you cannot promote a relationship between the children and their father.

                          Finally, I would like to suggest that you and your wife make it a stipulation that the children have their own sleeping space when they are visiting dad.
                          Short of a court order or CAS involvement, he does not have to comply. You can ask all you like...you can't stipulate.

                          I agree with you that Dad/GF should share a bed if necessary. Hell the bio children and the GF's children were indicated to be the same sex. They can easily share rooms.

                          A boy and a girl can share a space even if they are older; they are siblings, after all, and are probably very comfortable with each other already.
                          NOT recommended and actually frowned upon by the courts. You CAN have access limited due to this if you go about it the right way.

                          Denial of access is probably the most common ploy used by CP's against NCP's. It's a sore spot for a LOT of members, and advocating for it is going to get you an earful. Bottom line is don't do it, because if the other side is persistent enough with it, you WILL pay the price for your foolishness.

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Originally posted by MsD View Post
                            Can you clarify your point? I thought the primary purpose of this forum was to help people find and use the resources they need to navigate the wonderful world of legalese and family/divorce law.

                            Tks.
                            it is but when someone comes on here and states that he is so much better then others because he is a teacher it rubs people the wrong way. Who is he to say he is better the some of the other people on this site?? I do not care he is a teacher, he is a human just like the rest or use, teachers are not gods. They have their faults etc. Everytime someone tried to point out the fault in his so called logic, they were told the were morally corrupt and basically, he is perfect because he is a teacher.

                            People come to this site for advice, support etc. Of course you are going to get personal feelings because that is the nature of the site. If someone doesn't like the advice they are given the decides that the people taking the time to answer are idiots so be it, if you want someone to agree with everything you say then this is the wrong place for a person. Open minds are a good thing.

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                            • #44
                              I've just gotta say....wtf on the tattooos comment?? Seriously? Did you make sure to inspect them for piercings as well? I hear those drop the moral compass a few notches as well!

                              I have tattoos AND various piercings and I can tell you my parenting skills have not changed one bit since getting any of them. (yes - i have a bunch even! *gasp* )

                              What a ridiculous comment to have made, but why should I be surprised in such a ridiculous post to begin with? You (original poster) already made up your mind before posting otherwise you wouldn't be going to such great pains to argue every point made by someone who offers an opinion contrary to yours.

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                              • #45
                                My guess is that he gets it by now. I hope so.

                                Comment

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