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  • #16
    Originally posted by dadtotheend View Post
    Exactly. This guy isn't changing his mind on the issue. Like I said at the outset, he's only looking to hear what he wants to hear.

    Good luck to him in the teenage years.
    Yes - attending Youth Court wasn't exactly fun.

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    • #17
      I guess all teachers kids are perfect little angels who are never in trouble at all because their parents are so morally superior to us?? LOL NOT!!

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      • #18
        Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
        I guess all teachers kids are perfect little angels who are never in trouble at all because their parents are so morally superior to us?? LOL NOT!!
        Good learning experience as a Teen - Sure knocked some sense into me - Truancy -

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        • #19
          couldn't visiting a pot rally be turned into an exercise in fighting for personal rights or social justice? so that negative thing could be turned into a positive with the right spin...

          [i've never done pot and think pot users are losers in general so my opinion is not coming from the 'pot community' - just trying to be objective :]

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          • #20
            Originally posted by DanTess View Post
            couldn't visiting a pot rally be turned into an exercise in fighting for personal rights or social justice? so that negative thing could be turned into a positive with the right spin...

            [i've never done pot and think pot users are losers in general so my opinion is not coming from the 'pot community' - just trying to be objective :]
            Objective or ad hominem

            Ad hominem - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

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            • #21
              Originally posted by Genxer View Post
              I just can't help thinking that if it's ok for the new 'stepmom' to smoke weed with her kids and attend 'weed marches' with her kids (and this has been going on since her kids were 15, 16) then, what happens with my 13 year old daughter?
              Unfortunately you cannot deny access based on what "might" happen. If the 13 year old is going to try drugs, they will try them regardless.

              They won't have their own bedrooms and most likely will be sleeping on the floor/couch, which isn't cool, but what can you do?
              This is actually grounds to limit overnight access, depending on the current arrangements. Are both children girls? What about the ex's new girlfriend? Do her children live with them? Male/Female?

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              • #22
                NBdad; my stepkids are 10 (male) 13 (female). Stepmom's kids are 17 (female) and 18 (male). I know teenagers will do things like teenagers do, but stepmom's kids' have a lifestyle that I would best describe as immersed in drug culture, no jobs, tatoos etc. That may not be different from most teens, but it matters when your kids who are pretty innocent get exposed to that.

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                • #23
                  DanTess: In reply to your post--so, what you are saying is to legitimize bad parenting by 'spinning' into some liberal rights exercise--to a 10 year old and a 13 year old? Like I've said before, as parents, we have to be the adults, and not spin something to suit 'our' means.

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                  • #24
                    In response to Dadtotheend;
                    In reference to my supposed 'moral superiority' as what you term as a 'flag', I never claim a moral highground because I think that somehow believe that I individually am better than anyone else. However, I do think that when you are a teacher you have an obligation to instruct through and with moral integrity. This is how I have to instruct the generation of kids currently in our school system. I can't teach or instruct in a moral vacuum, where you seem to live.
                    The kids want to see their father--I've said that. I would expect them to. However, a father could be a mass murderer, and kids would still want to see their father, but as responsible parents, we would step in. It's not always what the kids want. I think that parents should advocate for their children and not put them in scenarios where their experience and gut instinct tell them it's detrimental to their kids.
                    I'm not looking to get legitimacy on my views, what I'd like is to hear about anyone's experiences or perspective on the issue. You have come in with a chip on your shoulder--and have given no perspective, save systematically critiquing my post, with no provacation on my part. Perhaps a reply that wasn't filled with ineffective, accusatory language would be more effective?
                    Why would someone want to post in a forum just to get lambasted by a group of bitter men, solemnly surfing the internet as a way of justifying their internal anger, sarcasm and 'attack mode' opinions/editorials.
                    Time to quit making excuses, look in the mirror and start thinking about being positive.
                    The only thing I've learned from some of you is negativity and a purgatory of moral logic that I hope is ignored by those you are giving your 'advice' to.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Making thinly veiled insults like "a moral vacuum, where you seem to live" is disrespectful, and closed minded to people who have legitimately different points of view. It points to a narcissistic personality and an inability to integrate into a diverse society. You are consistantly prideful of something that is frankly of no real value and it is something you have built up in your own mind to set yourself above others, very likely because deep down you lack any actual self-esteem or self-worth.

                      I don't see any higher moral character in all of that, or in anything you written so far. All you want to do is describe others in lessor terms so that you can describe yourself as better. Of course then you deny that you are better, Oh Look! I am Humble on top of everything else!

                      I suggest you go to court and in your motion you state in the affidavit that the children are being exposed to teenagers with tattoos. I hope you then get the result you deserve.

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                      • #26
                        Look at what the court order/agreement says and follow that.

                        Your views/morals (while are online with mine personally) are not a factor. Different lifestyle, different life, different views. I don't condone any drug use, but it is not your position to impose your views/lifestyle beliefs on the other household. If you really had a legitimate concern, you would call the police or CAS. With regard to the moving, it may show a lack of ability to settle down, but is utterly meaningless and should have no bearing on whether or not he gets the kids overnight now.

                        Notwithstanding that, it is not your place to do anything. You are not party to any agreement or court order. Yes, you are a spouse to one of the parties, but you have no authority to make any decision pertaining to the children regarding access or parenting responsibilities. That is something that is to be determined by the parents. If your wife has issues or concerns, she should be bringing them up with her ex and working on a remedy between the two of them.

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                        • #27
                          I'm not bitter. I call a spade a spade when people try and deny access.

                          Hopefully the moral foundation you have laid for those kids over the last ten years will allow them to make good decisions about Dad's lifestyle choices. Heaven knows they will have to make them sooner or later.

                          Regardless, the consensus here so far is that most people don't agree with you.

                          What would you have them do if it was solely up to you? Not see him at all? Supervised access? Day trips but not nights?

                          I have resisted saying this so far, but it seems to me that you may be in for some trouble with your step kids if you continue to ignore views that are contrary to yours. The word controlling comes to mind.
                          Last edited by dadtotheend; 07-12-2010, 01:07 PM.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            If the kids were to have a sleepover at a friends house, would it be any different?
                            For all you know the parents could be dreaded pot smokers with tatoos, and have to sleep on an air mattress. They aren't going to live there. Just try to relax and let the kids enjoy what childhood they have left and not be stressed out about you trying to keep them from seeing their dad.
                            Maybe Dad isn't so keen on his kids being raised by someone who is uptight......which can lead to problems down the road for kids as well. How many kids rebel against parents of "strong moral codes". For example..children of....Ministers, teachers, doctors, etc........

                            Something to think about......

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              I wonder if the "morally superior" who are in agreeance with you... have ever smoked a cigarette, or taken a few sips of wine/beer/whisky, in front of a child/teenager... or heaven forbid, even been a little tipsy....

                              It wasn't so long ago that alcoholic beverages were illegal....

                              I also wonder is you have ever driven over the speed limit.... or without a seatbelt.... filed your taxes late... or played loud music after 11 p.m.?

                              Or even worse, have you ever been given incorrect change from a store clerk, and pocketed the proceeds without saying a word???

                              Or taken the Lords name in vain??

                              ....and in front of a 13 year old???? OMG!!!!!

                              Just because one does something that the Government has deemed illegal... does not necessarily, automatically make it immoral..

                              And just because you may follow the "rules" certainly does not make you a better person, or put you above anyone else.... in fact, claiming that you are is not only VAIN it is JUDGEMENTAL....

                              I think that if people were more honest with each other, they would come to find that individuals from all walks of life have smoked the occasional joint or two... police officers, Judges, TEACHERS, you name it..

                              It does not make them bad/immoral people and it certainly does NOT make them incapable parents!!!

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by Genxer View Post
                                In response to Dadtotheend;
                                In reference to my supposed 'moral superiority' as what you term as a 'flag', I never claim a moral highground because I think that somehow believe that I individually am better than anyone else. However, I do think that when you are a teacher you have an obligation to instruct through and with moral integrity. This is how I have to instruct the generation of kids currently in our school system. I can't teach or instruct in a moral vacuum, where you seem to live.
                                The kids want to see their father--I've said that. I would expect them to. However, a father could be a mass murderer, and kids would still want to see their father, but as responsible parents, we would step in. It's not always what the kids want. I think that parents should advocate for their children and not put them in scenarios where their experience and gut instinct tell them it's detrimental to their kids.
                                I'm not looking to get legitimacy on my views, what I'd like is to hear about anyone's experiences or perspective on the issue. You have come in with a chip on your shoulder--and have given no perspective, save systematically critiquing my post, with no provacation on my part. Perhaps a reply that wasn't filled with ineffective, accusatory language would be more effective?
                                Why would someone want to post in a forum just to get lambasted by a group of bitter men, solemnly surfing the internet as a way of justifying their internal anger, sarcasm and 'attack mode' opinions/editorials.
                                Time to quit making excuses, look in the mirror and start thinking about being positive.
                                The only thing I've learned from some of you is negativity and a purgatory of moral logic that I hope is ignored by those you are giving your 'advice' to.
                                We can be sure that you will be ignoring it jackass. You're an idiot.
                                Last edited by dadtotheend; 07-12-2010, 07:34 PM.

                                Comment

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