What would you do different?

[Nadia]

I thought it might be helpful to hear some advice from people who have already been through the whole family court, separation, divorce, access and custody experience and ask what they would do different looking back with hindsight.

This is what I would do, knowing what I do now.

1. Do as much research as you can before you hire a lawyer. I initially ended up with a lawyer who was awful. All she did was forward emails back and forth for the first year and resolved very little.

2. Avoid having a Custody Assessor involved unless you have little or no choice. Like Judges, Custody Assessors have their biases. There are some who are more pro father and others that are more pro mother. I think the Custody assessment itself simply adds fuel to the fire as allegations are made back and forth.

3. I wish I had gone through the final court order with a fine (fine) tooth comb. Do not leave anything to chance or "common sense." Make sure each and every paragraph is as specific and detailed as possible. For example, each and every paragraph related to access must have a time and date, otherwise you are simply setting yourself up for ongoing conflict.

[blinkandimgone]

I haven't been through the whole process yet, just really starting out in fact but learning so much for everyone's experiences and advice.

They say 'people typically divorce a different person than they married'. I did not and that is the one major thing I would do differently. Optimism has its place, being cautiously optimistic is just as important. Lesson learned!!