Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 02-04-2020, 09:32 PM
Crazydad1 Crazydad1 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 5
Crazydad1 is on a distinguished road
Default Father is stalling divorce with my mother on purpose. How will court play out?

Hi there. Pleasure to meet all of you. I have been reading this for the past few hours and would like your opinions on what my mother should expect from her divorce proceedings.

I would like to preface this message with some basic information. This question is not for me, but more so for my mother. She is 53 , Father is 53. Immigrants, no other family but us three. Her income ~ 85,000, His income 75,000. They own two properties jointly, matrimonial home and a investment property.
Father is alcoholic, abusive, I suspect he has mental issues that are undiagnosed. I am 26 years of age at the moment. I am a young professional and currently living at home with them two. One reason is to save up but more importantly I want to stay at home to protect her from him.

My mother has been in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship with my dad for about 26 years. There was a lot of physical violence when I was young. This continued on until we moved to canada. He once hit her while we were new in Ontario and ended up going to jail. My mother and I were put into a shelter. As you may have guessed, she inevitably reconciled with him. Though he has stopped being physically abusive, his emotional abuse is still very real. He has ostracized her from her family and friends to the point shes alone.

She has tried to leave him in the past 5 years several times. However, each and every single time he stalls everything and simply won't agree to anything. He does this by various means. Here are some examples;
i) He does not get a lawyer and chooses to self- represent himself
ii) He asks my moms lawyer for very lengthy amounts of time to gather information. I understand there should be leeway with times , however his game plan is to stall so she simply gives up.
iii) in his response to my mom's lawyer, he never outlines any next steps. Disagrees on everything she offers (more on this later)
iv) he has also sent drunk nasty emails to her lawyer as well.

Anyways, she filed for divorce about 5 years ago initially. He simple stalled everything and eventually my mom gave up and things went back to status quo.


This past winter - January 2019 - they had another fight in which she filed for separation and divorce again. I helped her find a lawyer and it all began again..

This time around things got very nasty. We live in a 3 person household and he was pretty much terrorizing her at home. He would get drunk, blare music , log into her computer, try to change her email passwords, do everything he can in order to make our lives hell. I was forced to call police on him on multiple separate occasions due the noise he was making but also his aggresive behavior towards me.

Anyways, my mom's lawyer, asked him to provide all financial statements to division of net property can proceed. He stalled this by about 5 months. He went on a month long vacation was drinking like an alcoholic the whole time and living at home was abysmal.

Come august he finally submitted his documents and since august they have been trying to finalize the separation. All this time he is trying to reconcile his relationship with her.

My father chose not to represent him self and my mom's lawyer has been sending him various offers (3 in total now). In each of these offers he simply refuses them and doesn't offer any solutions. He asked that she pay for his credit card debts ~10K and that he'll buy her out from the matrimonial home. While she was initially not interested in this we agreed that this may be her only chance to avoid court. So she offered to agree to his demands.

However, when my mom's lawyer sent him the new offer that was heavily skewed in his favor he rejected it because he wants more. This time he wants 100% support from my mom for the rest of his life , in case he gets sick and can't work. This will happen inevitably. He is an alcoholic, smoker and overweight.

Anyways, now she has to go to court as it seems there is no other way to work this through. I am beat and exhausted and my mom is in shambles. Our house situation is brutal and theres days id rather stay at work then come home.

My question to you guys' is , how to do you think his behaviour will play out ?
we told my mom's lawyer to file for court as its completely unreasonable.

Once he gets served papers for court? Can he drag the process on indefinitely as he has with my mom's lawyer? Is there any reprecussions for his behaviour ?
If he purposefully drags it out, what kind of costs are we to expect?

Thanks
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 02-05-2020, 09:29 AM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 573
Stillbreathing will become famous soon enough
Default

My STBX ( soon to be ex) has dragged things out for the better part of a decade so far. It has cost me over $300,000 in legal fees. In all that time and with all the bad faith behaviour my ex has displayed, there were basically zero consequences imposed upon him by the court except for recently where I won a costs award against him.

If you are expecting justice in family court you need to get that idea out of your head. Your mother could be in for hell for the next 10 years or so.

You need to look at your sanity and own mental health. The first thing you and your mother need to do immediately is move out of the matrimonial home. Living there sounds like a horrific situation. You could give your dad the option of buying out the home with a strict deadline, failing which you ask a judge for an order that it be sold. If he refuses you ask a judge for an order dispensing with his consent.

It also sounds like it would be best for your mom to stop communicating with him in any way, shape or form other than through her lawyer.

Good luck
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 02-05-2020, 10:15 AM
Crazydad1 Crazydad1 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 5
Crazydad1 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stillbreathing View Post
My STBX ( soon to be ex) has dragged things out for the better part of a decade so far. It has cost me over $300,000 in legal fees. In all that time and with all the bad faith behaviour my ex has displayed, there were basically zero consequences imposed upon him by the court except for recently where I won a costs award against him.

If you are expecting justice in family court you need to get that idea out of your head. Your mother could be in for hell for the next 10 years or so.

You need to look at your sanity and own mental health. The first thing you and your mother need to do immediately is move out of the matrimonial home. Living there sounds like a horrific situation. You could give your dad the option of buying out the home with a strict deadline, failing which you ask a judge for an order that it be sold. If he refuses you ask a judge for an order dispensing with his consent.

It also sounds like it would be best for your mom to stop communicating with him in any way, shape or form other than through her lawyer.

Good luck

Thank you for taking your time to reply. I appreciate it. I'm sorry to hear with what's been happening with your ex. Thats brutal.
I'm sitting here in awe. So your ex was stalling the whole time and doesn't have to pay back a cent?

I am unsure with what to tell my mom at this point. The thing is , even if she agrees to everything he wants, he'll just want more and more.
Is there seriously nothing she can do? Shes a victim of abuse and now looks like the canadian legal system too. Im in shock. Thank you for your reply.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 02-05-2020, 10:29 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 5,463
rockscan will become famous soon enoughrockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

Did she file an application for divorce? You should start there. Getting the process moving will be the first step. She may also want to look into a peace bond or some other protection measure to get him out of the house. That would be another good step.

Once she gets the process moving she may get some relief. If he thinks he can bully her into doing what he wants he will continue to harass her.

He could try to stall the process but if she is forceful with getting the entire thing moving it may work. Your father is probably on a fixed income and his assets are shared which makes it simple to disclose. Stillbreathings case involves a lot of sneaky disclosure which is one reason for her delay.

As for costs, if she focuses on getting her money back it will slow her down. She needs to focus on getting the process done. As I told my husbandyou can always make more money, getting away from the crazy is priceless. She can argue for more equalization funds, her sanity is not negotiable.

With respect to his demands for support, probably not likely. She could also offer a lump sum payout. If she has a good lawyer focused on moving this along then she will be ok.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 02-05-2020, 11:50 AM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 573
Stillbreathing will become famous soon enough
Default

One thing you have to keep in mind, if all the abuse allegations you mention are true, is that separating and divorcing will escalate the abuse exponentially. One of the most dangerous times for the victims of domestic violence is when they separate or start court proceedings. Therefor, it might be wise to seek expert counseling and develop a detailed safety plan.

Also, you can not force your mother to follow through no matter how abusive your dad is. It is ultimately up to her to make a stand and do the hard work to untangle this relationship. You should both get some counseling and support to help you through this. It may be a long and torturous road ahead whether your mom chooses to stay or go.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 02-05-2020, 12:28 PM
Crazydad1 Crazydad1 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 5
Crazydad1 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Did she file an application for divorce? You should start there. Getting the process moving will be the first step. She may also want to look into a peace bond or some other protection measure to get him out of the house. That would be another good step.

Once she gets the process moving she may get some relief. If he thinks he can bully her into doing what he wants he will continue to harass her.

He could try to stall the process but if she is forceful with getting the entire thing moving it may work. Your father is probably on a fixed income and his assets are shared which makes it simple to disclose. Stillbreathings case involves a lot of sneaky disclosure which is one reason for her delay.

As for costs, if she focuses on getting her money back it will slow her down. She needs to focus on getting the process done. As I told my husbandyou can always make more money, getting away from the crazy is priceless. She can argue for more equalization funds, her sanity is not negotiable.

With respect to his demands for support, probably not likely. She could also offer a lump sum payout. If she has a good lawyer focused on moving this along then she will be ok.
Thank you for the word's of encouragement. It's nice to hear something optimistic.

So this is what I am confused about, she has been going through the lawyer for separation agreement. No divorce just yet.

However its been dragged on for about 13 months at this point with barely any movement but minor things such revealing some documents.

What should she do next? I mean my father has been stalling this for all this time. He can continue to do so with no repercussions while shes paying for letters from her lawyer.

I'm wondering if perhaps the lawyer is not really doing his job either properly. He just sends my dad letters with proposals but thats about it.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 02-05-2020, 01:45 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 5,463
rockscan will become famous soon enoughrockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

Someone else will have more info but letters do nothing. She needs to instruct her lawyer to file an application or motion. Your dad can stall with letters. Having to attend court changes that.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 02-05-2020, 02:29 PM
Crazydad1 Crazydad1 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 5
Crazydad1 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Someone else will have more info but letters do nothing. She needs to instruct her lawyer to file an application or motion. Your dad can stall with letters. Having to attend court changes that.
Thank you once again.

Once everything gets to court, will it be harder for him to stall ? Based of the other poster in this thread it seems like he would be able to stall and waste time/money indefinitely ? Does this typically work like that ? Or can we get lucky and get a judge who will put him in place?
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 02-05-2020, 02:43 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 5,463
rockscan will become famous soon enoughrockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

My husbands ex refused to negotiate or respond to letters. His lawyer filed a motion to get her to the table and they got it moving.

There are a lot of complicated cases on this forum that have reasons for delays. Yes your father could delay but it will not go far when the case is simple and only involves property and support. Once it is determined that he is eligible/not eligible for spousal it should move fast.

You may want to go and talk to a couple of lawyers or even someone other than her current lawyer to see if there is a different approach. You might need a bulldog lawyer. You could also go on the lawyer rating site and search family lawyers in your area and see their reviews. Also look at canlii.org and search keywords in your moms case and your city. You can see lawyers who won and look up them.

If your moms lawyer wants to continue to negotiate with someone who chooses to abuse then it might be time for a new lawyer.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 02-05-2020, 02:59 PM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 573
Stillbreathing will become famous soon enough
Default

Stalling in court is extremely simple for an unreasonable party to do. A judge will give them chance after chance after chance to adjourn and then to comply with orders. Judges are in short supply and if your matter needs to go to trial the wait time is several years to even get on the trial list depending on what province you live in. You also need to be prepared that even with hard core, concrete evidence of abuse all allegations ( even proven ones) will be categorized as false. Family court is the best playground on earth for an abuser.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Joint Divorce Procedure In Ontario? In-Law Trouble Divorce & Family Law 5 12-09-2014 10:57 PM
Online divorce? ExWife2Many General Chat 10 08-12-2010 08:15 AM
Surviving Divorce FPI Divorce & Family Law 2 04-29-2009 07:56 PM
how long does it take to get divorce order issued by the court? kirogaz Divorce & Family Law 6 05-02-2006 03:31 PM
Bc Divorce And Spousal Conduct Decent Dad Political Issues 1 02-14-2006 10:32 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:53 AM.