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  • #31
    Originally posted by NBDad View Post
    Your lawyer is an idiot. Get your ass to court and file an ex parte motion for exclusive possession of the home and interim sole custody of the kids, due to her unstable nature and temper placing them at risk (as seen by the false DV charge).

    Ex Parte's can be had SAME DAY if the children are believed to be at risk. (the ex is unstable and has a bad temper and you are worried for their safety now that you are not there to bear the brunt of her violence)

    Exactly what I would do!!!!

    This story makes me so mad both because of what a whacko Mom is, but moreover, what a patsy you are.

    It's one thing to be a doormat when it's only about you. It's quite another when you choose to leave your kids in that loony bin unprotected.

    The boyfriend's in there day to day, driving your car that they have hidden from you????!!!! What kind of confusion must be running through those kids' minds right now???? Do you care enough to save them???

    GET A GRIP!!

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    • #32
      Omg!!! You are in worst case scenario here......WORST..... you must must must be aggressive here.....pull out all the stops.....If you don't get full custody......you can kiss your life goodbye until those kids are 18 at least..This woman will use you......forever....use your kids against you....forever....maybe you tell yourself every time something comes up, that you just have to get to the next step and things will get better.....Well I have news for you....for whatever reason, this woman hates your guts.....and she has your children at her mercy...won't be long....and she will get them to hate you too.....
      .Call CAS, Call the cops and charge her for false allegations....Get to a court house and file, file file.......

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      • #33
        Man, you screwed up. First mistake was not calling the police on her when she abused you. But the second and IMO bigger mistake was not spending that $75 digital voice recorder which would have prevented you from being removed from your house.

        Now you are out of the house and she has all the power regarding the kids.

        From here you just need to get into court or mediation as soon as possible. You've put yourself in a disadvantaged position, but it isn't incermountable. Document everything you do with the kids, only communicate with her via email and ONLY about the kids. Be involved with your kids and hopefully you won't get bent over with access and equalization.

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        • #34
          Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
          Man, you screwed up. First mistake was not calling the police on her when she abused you. But the second and IMO bigger mistake was not spending that $75 digital voice recorder which would have prevented you from being removed from your house.

          Now you are out of the house and she has all the power regarding the kids.

          From here you just need to get into court or mediation as soon as possible. You've put yourself in a disadvantaged position, but it isn't incermountable. Document everything you do with the kids, only communicate with her via email and ONLY about the kids. Be involved with your kids and hopefully you won't get bent over with access and equalization.
          At this point I am still allowed access to the house whether she agrees or not....I can bring a witness and enter the home but at this time I am not going to do that until I give my lawyer a chance to deal with it.

          I have been documenting my time with the kids for months and it has been consistently everyday of the week with the exception of the odd week where it is five or six days. On nights I sleep out, I only leave after the kids are asleep and I'm back in the morning to get them up. I only leave to avoid problems when it's just me and the ex awake. I have not legally left the matrimonial home. The incident with the police happened this past Sunday so I have not been away from the kids or house for long.
          My ex is under the impression that I am not allowed back and has even changed the alarm code.

          Today I am investigating pressing charges of my own and making arrangements to see the kids. If I have to go to the house with a couple of witnesses, then I will.

          Right now, she is making an ass out of herself to the police and everyone who knows her. I have covered myself in many ways with the exception of the voice recorder. I have emails documenting abuse and proof that another man is in my house when I am not home...these things along with the false allegation to the police are not helping her. My lawyer is aware of all these pieces of information and thinks they will help.

          I am all about making this situation right for the kids and now the gloves are off. As far as leaving the home, I have not legally left the home. I am waiting for a reponse on an interim parenting plan before doing anything. She has until later today to respond. The police are urging me to go ahead and make a report.

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          • #35
            Man, your in a pickle. Sounds like Ottawa?

            Get down to the police station and order the police report. Very important to get and keep an up-to-date journal all the while keep it child focused. It’s a great tool to attach to an affidavit in the future. ....

            Sorry its like this for you and the kids dude. There will be lots of constructive criticism once everybody calms down again.

            You are on the long divorce road...watch the sexual abuse allegations, they are another powerful tool waged in this kind of a war...

            Force your access with the kids if you have too. If she brings them to a daycare, go get them...there is no protection order against you. You have just as many rights as she does.

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            • #36
              More head in the sand denial.

              I haven't legally left the home. Except that some other guy is in there taking care of my kids, fucking my wife, driving my car, hiding it from me, changing the alarm code, causing upheaval. I guess you're not so involved with your kids now are you? Are you still staying over and hanging with YOUR kids in YOUR home, driving YOUR car?

              Until you do something tangible to rescue your kids, I say you're a lost cause.

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              • #37
                Originally posted by dadtotheend View Post
                Until you do something tangible to rescue your kids, I say you're a lost cause.
                I wouldn't go that far, however, he is definitely disadvantaged.

                If you are not prohibited from returning to the house, do yourself a favour and move back in. But before you go, buy the damn voice recorder. It could be the best $75-$100 you spend in your life.

                You could have your lawyer send the nutjob (the "NJ") advising the NJ that you are returning to house on X date as it is your permanent residence and there is nothing prohibiting you from returning.

                Or you could just move back in when she is at work. If you have issue with the alarm, call the company and have them temporarily deactivate it remotely (if possible). Call the police, tell them you are moving back and if necessary have one there when you return.

                Once back in HAVE AND USE THE FREAKING VOICE RECORDER, have guests regularly and spend time with the kids. Move into a spare room with a lock and download all recordings each night to a secure computer.

                I also suggest reading this Main Forum Page - Divorce Forums | Divorce Advice for Men | Information on Divorce • View topic - THE LIST (Print It) about 7-8 times. And then again the next 3 days until you understand really what you are up against. If you use this, it will help give you a fighting chance from being removed from your kids lives.

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                • #38
                  Forget about investigating pressing charges and GET YOUR ASS to court tomorrow to get an EX-PARTE ORDER!!

                  You have PROOF that she made false allegations, PROOF that she is out to take your kids from you. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR????

                  If you FAIL to do this now you are FAILING your kids!

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                  • #39
                    Female half here agreeing with the majority. Spousal abuse is spousal abuse. Thing about rage and domestic violence is that it often becomes child abuse too...want a recorder? I have 3 spares!

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                    • #40
                      Originally posted by InterprovincialParents View Post
                      ...want a recorder? I have 3 spares!
                      HA HA HA HA

                      Hey Teddie, why wouldn't ya?

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                      • #41
                        I will be mentioning the ex-parte order to my lawyer today. It's only been 5 days since the arrest but everyday I'm getting more pissed off to the point I can't even focus on anything else. I watched those kids a lot more than she has over the years and now she's playing the abused, long-suffering wife bit. She won't even inform me of where the kids are staying when she's at work.

                        Ok, voice recorders....any recommendations on which ones work well and aren't too expensive? Also, where did you put yours? Did you keep it in a pocket, under a shirt?

                        Also, can someone briefly describe what an ex-parte order does?

                        Thanks

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                        • #42
                          Get one from InterprovinicalParents.

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                          • #43
                            Get off your ass, go to future shop etc and ask an associate. Take it home and test it out. If it doesn't work get another one. Or if you don't think you will need it that much, use it and take it back
                            It's less than $100 and can make the difference in your situation of life or death.

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                            • #44
                              Originally posted by tugofwar View Post
                              Get off your ass, go to future shop etc and ask an associate.
                              No kidding.

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                              • #45
                                There's some "Tough Love" going on here, guys. I wish you had been around when I was setting myself up for disaster.

                                Cheers!

                                Gary

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