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  • Wedding Gift Money

    A couple of months before the ex and I were married, his father gave us a down payment for the house as a wedding gift. We bought the house prior to our wedding, it closed and we moved in after our wedding. The mortgage company at the time even requested a letter from him stating it was a gift. The amount was $20,000. I do not have that letter, however, now the matrimonial house is sold and no equity was left. The house broke even. The ex and his family are stating I owe that money back now.

    While it is acknowledged the ex's father's funds assisted us to purchase the property for the benefit of both of us - it was a gift. The money was advanced prior to the date of marriage and was not a gift after the date of marriage but was invested in pre-marital property owned jointly by the parties. I have not signed any document I owed this. How do I deal with this?

  • #2
    So .... you're going to the dog races while you're in Miami and a friend comes over to you and says "hey, can you put this $20 on number 4 in the 2nd race". So, you go to Miami, place his bet, he loses .... number 4 was a dudd on a tip from Santa. When you get home, your friend says "bummer, can I have my money back then?" What would you say to him?

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    • #3
      Perhaps you can contact the mortgage company and have them pull the letter from the file?

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      • #4
        WORST case scenario: If that gift was viewed as a 2nd mortgage (a debt held by your in-laws), then that amount would be subtracted from the equity, and paid back to the debt-holder (in-laws). Which means that you would split the repayment 50-50.

        When there is a house purchase planned very close to marriage date, with the intent of being matrimonial home, I've read cases where it is treated as if the purchase happened after marriage.

        How long were you married?

        http://www.canlii.org/eliisa/highlig...anlii2638.html

        http://www.canlii.org/eliisa/highlig...anlii6526.html
        Last edited by dinkyface; 07-28-2011, 06:01 PM.

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        • #5
          Note to all parents on the board:

          1) yes, their financial institution requires that their downpayment is a *gift*: so the financial institution can cover themselves on the equity/ratio debt;
          2) for them to qualify for the mortgage, your kid needs a *gift* in writing of a certain percent;
          3) If it is indeed a loan, to get them on their feet, in conjunction with a gift letter to the bank, you need to have both your kid and the future wife to sign a promissory note, to acknowledge the debt to protect yourselves (and yes, this would be considered fraud.)
          Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

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          • #6
            they are SOL. My mom gave me money for part of the downpayment on the house and now that he and I are separating I was told I did not have a claim to the money. As for your exs family let them prove it was a debt and also prove that payments were made.

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            • #7
              That is what I thought and have been told myself. I wanted to get some more insight from others.

              He has always "bummed" money from his father, most times i did not even know about it. For things such as secretly paying for a cell phone bill he didnt want me to see and stuff like that....now he is saying WE borrowed money over the years and his father wants it back...what gives? We have never repaid nor have I ever gone to his father for money. Could he and his family build a case?

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              • #8
                Originally posted by windiiii View Post
                That is what I thought and have been told myself. I wanted to get some more insight from others.

                He has always "bummed" money from his father, most times i did not even know about it. For things such as secretly paying for a cell phone bill he didnt want me to see and stuff like that....now he is saying WE borrowed money over the years and his father wants it back...what gives? We have never repaid nor have I ever gone to his father for money. Could he and his family build a case?
                if there were no contracts signed, no history of monthy or whatever payments made then they cannot prove anything.

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                • #9
                  This is awesome ! you guys have helped me with a situation I have as well. In my case the gift occurred a couple of years before I was on the scene with a different house. That was sold and we bought a new house jointly. My ex is saying I owe him that money now in full.
                  Great question/answers...thanks

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by May_May View Post
                    This is awesome ! you guys have helped me with a situation I have as well. In my case the gift occurred a couple of years before I was on the scene with a different house. That was sold and we bought a new house jointly. My ex is saying I owe him that money now in full.
                    Great question/answers...thanks
                    nope you do not owe him one cent legally. Morally though maybe it is something to think about. I wish my ex would have been more moral and used the logic that it was part of my inheritence early and I should get it back.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
                      Morally though maybe it is something to think about. I wish my ex would have been more moral and used the logic that it was part of my inheritence early and I should get it back.
                      I completely unagree with you ! It was in my original offer to him when I was trying to negotiate with him directly, but he just kept saying 'no' with no details or counter offer. I did this for over 6 months and was still paying half of the mortgage payments even though I didn't live there. He still has to buy me out.

                      Unfortunately my ex' morals are nowhere in sight...I put over $50K into the first house in rennovations that were all cash deals through a contractor friend, and my parents gave us money for the kitchen reno. But because there are no receipts for either, he says he's not giving me 'any' credit and will deny in court and accuse me of lieing. So...the money from his parents is relatively equal so we will now split the house and I will not be giving him any extra.

                      I wish someone would talk to him to explain that both parties are supposed to be accountable, and have morals !

                      I agree that your ex should have given you the money, even after the fact, or even put it into accounts for your kids. Sorry....

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                      • #12
                        The courts aren't magic and in a situation where you don't have receipts and statements it's unlikely you will get the settlement that you wish.

                        It's the same as if you bought something in a store, lost the receipt and tried to take it back 3 weeks later, in most cases you are out of luck, unless maybe you are a regular and the manager remembers you.

                        There is a point where you have to decide if it is worth the fight. If it were me, I would bring something like this up in mediation and try to get him to come halfway, but I wouldn't expect it to have much currency in court.

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