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Thoughts: Mom's partner is a violent offender

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  • Thoughts: Mom's partner is a violent offender

    Background: My step daughter is 12 years old. Access has always been 50/50 (no court paper) until March 2019. Her father was informed that her mother is living with a man who is currently and has numerous charges in the past of beating up women. We have court documents stating such, stemming back from 2007-2019.

    We stopped the 50/50 access and removed her from this environment in March 2019 but providing access every time the mother requested (which was very little). We even asked the mother if she wanted to have D12 on numerous occasions. Her mother brought us to court for an urgent motion for stopping access. Temporary minutes of settlements were signed. 3 - 3 hours visits per week as per the child wishes and to not be anywhere near the mothers partner during her visits. Mom has been asking D12 to lie to Dad.

    The mother breached this order, D12 told us she was near him a few times during her visits. At one of the visits, we were told again, we then picked up D12 from the mothers home and brought her to her maternal grandmothers for the visit with her mother to continue away from the mothers partner.

    She brought a motion for contempt of the order indicating that the father breached the order for access. We were supposed to attend court for this matter on Friday but we received an email from our lawyer indicating that they wish to request an adjournment.

    We are looking for some thoughts on our situation. All we want is to provide a safe environment for D12. An OCL has been appointed as per the mothers request. We met with the OCL. The mother and her partner has not as of yet.

  • #2
    Have you called CAS? If not then do so. A report from them will provide you some backing.

    In your response I would request supervised access at a specific location.

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    • #3
      We have not called CAS.

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      • #4
        Call CAS. They will be your biggest advocate and it won't cost you a penny to have them on your side. Unlike anyone else in this broken legal system that only serves to make people go bankrupt.

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        • #5
          We thought about calling CAS although D12 only visits 3 x times week for 3 hours / visit. No overnights at all.

          How can they advocate if she isn't really there...?

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          • #6
            Originally posted by DAHP_01_05_12 View Post
            We thought about calling CAS although D12 only visits 3 x times week for 3 hours / visit. No overnights at all.

            How can they advocate if she isn't really there...?


            It appears Mom is trying to motion for more access or possibly back to 50/50... having CAS on your side will prove that moms house is a suitable environment. Regardless of how much or how little she is there... it only takes a second for something to happen so in a little girls eyes that 3 hours could feel like many more


            Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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            • #7
              80% of the time, her visits are not at the mothers house because her partner is there. D12 is not to be around him during her visits.

              Yes mom wants to resume 50/50.

              D12 does not, she informed the OCL of such.

              So CAS will visit the home even if D12 is not present during the CAS visit?

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              • #8
                You said mom has lied and had her there. Call CAS and advise that your child has been in the home. They will file a report when needed.

                If the crux of your argument is that the living situation is dangerous then you have to prove it. Having previous offenses means little if there is nothing from an expert to say it is unsafe.

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                • #9
                  We have his complete criminal records, court documents, peace bonds etc.... are you saying this is not valid evidence for the courts?




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                  • #10
                    Unless they were provided to you by court order, you have breached his privacy and all of them could be thrown out.

                    Be smart. You had an agreed upon custody situation that was not in an order. You took his daughter’s safety into mind having heard about a situation. Mom wanted to see her child and you accommodated it. Now she has filed a motion to change custody.

                    Mom needs to demonstrate why she deserves custody and your argument is a) she is not providing a safe environment and b) kid doesnt want to see mom. The response is a) you have hearsay and questionably acquired information and b) you are not following the principle of maximum contact to both parents.

                    Do you want to win? Do it properly. At this point mom has a pretty good case to get shared custody because you are being dumb. Talk to a lawyer about the proper way to get documentation on anyone she has in her life and argue why kid should be with dad full time.

                    Sure mom makes questionable decisions but that makes her stupid. Don’t make yourselves stupid by doing stupid things. You don’t have to make a report to CAS, just call and ask what your options are.

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                    • #11
                      Rockscan
                      A- we do have a lawyer
                      B- our lawyer advised us how to get his records
                      C- we obtain his records directly from court which is public knowledge to anyone who wishes to obtain this information
                      D- don’t call me dumb, we are smart about it
                      E- the OCL is requesting police records and CAS records as well

                      Thanks for your input.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by DAHP_01_05_12 View Post
                        We are looking for some thoughts on our situation. All we want is to provide a safe environment for D12. An OCL has been appointed as per the mothers request. We met with the OCL. The mother and her partner has not as of yet.

                        You got thoughts. You have a lawyer. You are doing the process properly. Have patience as the OCL process takes some time and only completes when all interviews are done.

                        There is nothing else you can do.

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                        • #13
                          What are your thoughts on them adjourning the contempt motion and access motion scheduled for Friday? The mother’s lawyer requested this after receiving our affidavit.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Probably because they realized they are fucked and are going to either wait to speak to OCL and put together an offer.

                            If she knows you have this info and isn’t going to break up with the bf, she can’t win 50/50. Going to a motion would have been a loss and she would have paid your costs. This way they can regroup and do something reasonable.

                            Or maybe she had a cold and didn’t want to appear. It could be anything. Your partner has a solid case so ut doesn’t matter what she does, it’s Everest.

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                            • #15
                              We just heard from our lawyer, they requested an adjournment because they would like to respond to our material and see what the OCL says.

                              The reason why we never contacted CAS was because we were informed that CAS will not investigate if we have court papers. Im not sure if this is true or not, does anyone know?

                              We have a temporary order indicating weekly visitation.

                              Comment

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