Incredibly Confused

[movingon]

Working through the financial and legal elements of divorce is hell. Dealing with the psycho-emotional stuff is beyond hell. How do I do this?

I swear that the strain of trying to leave is almost making me wonder if it's worth the effort. My marriage is dead, yes. My partner and I don't love each other, true. I am miserable, definitley. But working through this process is so overwhleming that staying here almost seems logical! It's crazy, I know. I'm certain it's just the apathy of years of a horrible, draining, loveless marriage talking, but... yeesh. This is almost impossible.

Then there's the fear... the unknown... the financial strain, the worry of never being loved or fulfilled, concern over how the kids will fare in light of our failure. The fear alone is what has kept me here 4 years too long.

How do people manage to come out the other end of this process?!?

MO

[hubby]

You know, our CEO said it best as to why he was leaving our company.

I just had this gut feeling that is was time to move on is what he said!

So what is your gut telling you?

Yeah, the unknown, the financial aspects and the thought of will I ever be loved again has entered my mind and probably many others on this board... and I keep reminding myself that something bigger and better is to come out of this mess.

The king in the Braveheart movie said this "You must find the good in the bad"!

Hubby

[movingon]

There is no doubt whatsoever that I need to move on. This relationship is unwell. It is devaluing to me and has been killing me slowly for 6 years. I could choose to stay, but the person that I am inside would die in the face of the demands and expectations that are brought on by this relationship.

The problem is that my controlling ex won't let go. He won't leave the house- he's not even working right now so I get no respite. He won't let me take the kids to town to shop. He won't stop pointing his finger in my face and calling me a quitter. Reminding me that I swore before God not to leave.

I swear that the emotional battery is killing me. I can't leave- I haven't the finances or support to do so. He won't leave. He just refuses.

I still hold out hope that we can work out a vaguely amicable agreement, but it seems more and more that this process can be nothing other than ugly and hurtful. Hie sense of ownership over me and the children is hurting as all so incredibly much, but he wont let go.

I know I need to get out. I just find myself losing the strength to fight for my freedom. It is so incredibly hard.

[god knows the truth]

are there ever times that you are without him by your side? Do you ever get to take the kids away from the home in a vehicle without him? If so why don't you get some things together and the next opportunity -run to the nearest battered woman's shelter. Take the children's pictures, all of your I.D, some cash, if that's possible, and go to a shelter. He sounds dangerous; almost psychotic. Can you go anywhere? Do you have access to the phone without him listening; if so call the police and ask if they can come to your home b/c you want to leave but husband won't let you (escort). Can you get a relative to "visit" and then leave with the children?
Be careful!!!

[my2suns]

I've felt your dispair. It does get better, but getting out on your own isn't easy. But staying where there isn't love, isn't easy either. Seek help from friends and family, area agencies, whatever/wherever help is, get some, take any and all offers of help offered. You'll be that much better, better off, OUT on your own. You'll feel better for it. It's not easy.... but small steps are better than none. Save up some $ while staying w/family ect.. but just do for yourself/children.... move on and move UP. Get a haircut, something new/different. Change your style of clothes... Small things lead you to big places. (((((((((hugs)))))))) best of luck to you hon