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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 12-16-2009, 01:21 PM
dadforlife dadforlife is offline
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Default Need legal advice for my kids

I need to know what I can legaly do to help out my kids.

My son is almost 12 and my daughter 9. They have told my self and my sitter who has babysat my kids for 4 years now and is still good friends with my ex, that they don't feel comfortable at their moms place. My daughter hasn,t slept in her room since they moved out, she sleeps with her mom so does my son. They have no friends because they live in the middle of nowhere. The only time they see their friends is when they come over every second weekend ( custody is still not resolved ). She doesn't take them anywhere but her best friend's house and they are sick and tired of been there all the time. She can't be bougthered to bring them to their activities. She keeps telling them to ask me, don't get me wrong I get to see them more often that way witch is fine with me. They are just not happy and they keep asking me why they can't see me 50/50. All I can tell them is that they need to be patient and Daddy is working on it.

I need to know if there is anything legaly I can do other than wait.Other than CAS( CAS keep telling my ex to do things diffrently and are helping her greatly but she just laugh in their face and all they tell me is they tend not to get involved in custody dispute) is there anyone my kids could speak to that would hold legaly in court? My lawyer sent another custody request but haven,t heard from her lawyer in a month. I have my kids on audio saying things regarding her best friends relationship with her boyfriend that kids shouldn't hear and a mirade of other audio that makes me frustraded that she would upset the kids

At first thought it was just kids trying to get more attention from me to see what they could get. But my sitter has brought up things that made me realise that they were very seriouse. I have keept logs from day one of everything that is said between me and the kids and their mom. Is there anything I can do to speed up the process without costing me an arm and a leg. My cash flow is extremely limited because of the interim custody agreement we have in place. I feel absolutly powerless to help them in their time of need.

Please scared1. I do not want your opinion as I strongly beleive you are letting emotions not comon sense dictate your opinions and the way you handle your situation.

thanks and Merry Christmas
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Old 12-16-2009, 01:49 PM
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littleman littleman is offline
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dadforlife I can empathize with your heartache......file for a lawyer from office of the childrens lawyer. Your 12year old is able to make their own decision in regards to their custodial arrangements (a judge would listen to them for sure) however your younger child would need to be represented and this is done at no cost through office of the childrens lawyer. Only stipulation is that the want has to come from the child not from you- meaning your child has to be sure thats what they want and they want to see their mother in a courtroom (this could be huge for them). Being the ages your children are I believe whole heartedly they should not be sleeping with their mother, that her insecurities not theirs and that will also be taken into account.
Call the office of the childrens lawyer and they will help you. Im not sure where you are, however here in Ottawa you can go to Family Law Information Center and they will give you contact information. Just for information there is no charge to you for them to have a lawyer from there either.
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Old 12-16-2009, 03:06 PM
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Im sorry scared1 but what the hell does your citizenship have to do with this!!!!!!!!!!
dadforlife is asking for help with his children and their legal rights not your issues or your citizenship........OMG you are so self centered .....this site is meant for all and not just to center on your legal and personal issues with life......
Im sorry dadforlife for ranting in your question but it had to be done
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Old 12-16-2009, 11:21 PM
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Can no one shut this scared1 down. I can't believe this has been going on for so long now. She has no idea the harm she is inflicting on people who are just trying to get help. She definitely needs help but of a different kind.
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Old 12-17-2009, 01:02 AM
dadforlife dadforlife is offline
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I have been telling my kids to let their mother know how they feel about it, something that was suggested to me by a psychologist, but she keeps telling them they need stability in their lives. In other words not move from one place to another. But my kids are not stupid, many of their friends have 50/50 visitation with their parents and im an excelent father, even CAS agrees with this statement. How hard psychologicaly would it be for a kid to tell their parent what they realy want when they know there is not reason not to, or the court will decide on their behalf. The last thing I want is to creat a situation between my kids and their mom they do love her after all. I guess want im saying is, would it help them to comfront their mom thru the courts and hopefuly give them confidence in them selves or do I go ahead and hopefuly she wont make them feel guilty for what they are doing.

Either way she has put the kids in the middle of all this and it upsets me very much to the point where I feel their pain. What kind of self respecting parent would do that to the ones they are suppose to protect?
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Old 12-17-2009, 07:10 AM
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dadforlife, you don't have a perfect, harmfree, totally helpful option to choose from.

My daughter is 12, she is bright, capable and in gifted class at school. We have a shedule where she is about 55 with me, 45 with her mother, for the last 2 1/2 years. Her mother asked for some extra time.

My daughter completely fell apart, she still wishes we were all together, and she says if she had a choice that would be the only choice. She says she can't possibly choose to stay with one parent even a few hours more than with the other parent. She is fine with flexability on a given week for a given reason, like a party or going to grandpa's, but other than that she just want to stick to her routine and doesn't want to have to make any decisions.

If I for some reason made her go to court, she would go, she would answer the judge's questions, she would abide by any decision, but she wouldn't want any possible option and she wouldn't offer an opinion. She would be devastated.

Now, that being said, if she were in the situation your children are in, she would be devastated there too. She is happiest somewhere around 50/50 with flexability for occasional events and an otherwise stable routine.

The courts are aware that children can be hurt by the process and they don't put them on the stand for aggressive cross-examination or anything. They take them aside and the judge kindly asks a few questions, or in more extreme cases the OCL will do the same thing a bit more thoroughly. I think on the whole it would be less devastating than having their parents play tug of war outside the courtroom, demanding they make a choice.

But in the end, it's not a great situation no matter what you do. It's hurtful if you stay with the status quo you've described. It's hurtful if you and your ex try to get them to decide. It's hurtful if you go to court. It's hurtful if you don't. I do think that in the end, you need a compassionate third party to talk to the kids alone, and you need the court to require your ex to comply.
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Old 12-17-2009, 11:22 AM
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I will explain what selfrep means...........you are commandeering the forum with your personal issues and every question a member puts out there amazingly you have had the same thing.........you are talking about stall tactics in the courts and from ALL the many many posts I have read through from you you are prime candidate to choke the legal system with your persistant issues..........members are asking you to mellow out and stop making every post about you........have some respect........members are in same boat and just want their questions answered and not everything turned to you specifically
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