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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 09-10-2019, 01:29 AM
sahibjee sahibjee is offline
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Default What are my options?

I am custodial parent, Our final order states ex to have access to S10 EOW, Friaday after school to Monday morning and every wednesday to thursday mornings.
Pickups are at school.



She has unilterally canceled her accesses a few times (once even without telling), she doesn't ask me if she can cancel, she just announces that she isnt coming. I have had to make many changes to have our son picked up in those circumstances, she is usually ungrateful and downright insulting about it.



Now she sent me an email announcing the same thing about coming wednesday and friday. the thing is this time around I am not here on those days and I can't even figure out anyone else to be available at the end of school times.



I have told her that her access isn't optional and that she has to show up. she said she wont.



What are my options legally?
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  #2  
Old 09-10-2019, 06:32 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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uh, you find someone to pick up your child. You are the custodial parent. That is what you do.

You get a babysitter and charge mom her portion of section 7 expenses. As for the weekend- looks like your plans got cancelled.

Legally- you cannot force someone to parent.
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  #3  
Old 09-10-2019, 01:20 PM
jaycollins5888 jaycollins5888 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sahibjee View Post
I am not here on those days and I can't even figure out anyone else to be available at the end of school times.
This is a family emergency. A family emergency is a valid reason to opt out of work or whatever it is that you have planned.

Respond to her: I agree to have S10 at those times and will be picking S10 from school on X date.

Send an email to school with the mother copied on the email stating that You will be looking after child on the days. That if the school has any questions, to let you both know.

PS. In cases of gaining parenting times from mom, I usually don't respond mom to agree. I just email the school and copy mom on it.
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  #4  
Old 09-10-2019, 01:31 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sahibjee View Post
I am custodial parent, Our final order states ex to have access to S10 EOW, Friaday after school to Monday morning and every wednesday to thursday mornings. Pickups are at school.
You are the custodial parent therefore you have the responsibility of making sure your child is cared for even when it is mom’s time.

Quote:
She has unilterally canceled her accesses a few times (once even without telling), she doesn't ask me if she can cancel, she just announces that she isnt coming. I have had to make many changes to have our son picked up in those circumstances, she is usually ungrateful and downright insulting about it.
She doesn’t have to be grateful about you scrambling. It is your problem. You are the custodial parent. As iona said, you can’t force someone to be a parent.


Quote:
Now she sent me an email announcing the same thing about coming wednesday and friday. the thing is this time around I am not here on those days and I can't even figure out anyone else to be available at the end of school times.
Well you better figure it out fast. Also figure out what happens to kid if you are hospitalized, stuck away from home, or dead. Because this is the reality for hundreds of parents who have an ex spouse who has disappeared.

Quote:
i have told her that her access isn't optional and that she has to show up. she said she wont.
You can’t force someone to parent. To non custodial parents, time IS optional.


Quote:
What are my options legally?

To make her parent? Zip zilch nada rien nothing. There is nothing you can do. If the courts could force someone to parent they would also be able to force parents to pay, provide parenting and not take custody away. If you need care and have to pay for it, you make her pay her share of the costs.
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  #5  
Old 09-10-2019, 01:32 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jaycollins5888 View Post
This is a family emergency. A family emergency is a valid reason to opt out of work or whatever it is that you have planned.

Respond to her: I agree to have S10 at those times and will be picking S10 from school on X date.

Send an email to school with the mother copied on the email stating that You will be looking after child on the days. That if the school has any questions, to let you both know.

PS. In cases of gaining parenting times from mom, I usually don't respond mom to agree. I just email the school and copy mom on it.


Read the first line of their post “I am the custodial parent”
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Old 09-10-2019, 01:33 PM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sahibjee View Post
I am custodial parent... I can't even figure out anyone else to be available at the end of school times.

Welcome to being a parent. You figure something out. Maybe you pay for babysitting, or you pay for somebody to pick kid up, or you get a friend to help out, or you don't go to work.

If this bothers you, contact CAS and they can step in and make the child a ward of the state.

Quote:
I have told her that her access isn't optional and that she has to show up. she said she wont.
Non-custodial parents do not have mandatory parenting time. That is why they are non-custodial parents.

Quote:
What are my options legally?
Well, if there is a pattern of not using parenting time and cancelling at the last second, you can certainly apply to the court to reduce the parenting time. For the next few weeks though, you do what you would do as a parent whenever a babysitter is sick or you have another similar issue.
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  #7  
Old 09-10-2019, 01:58 PM
jaycollins5888 jaycollins5888 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Read the first line of their post “I am the custodial parent”
I already read that. In fact, that is the very first thing I read. You read it.

After that, read the second sentence that says "Our final order states ex to have access to S10 EOW, Friaday after school to Monday morning and every wednesday to thursday mornings."

And more importantly, read the third sentence that says "Pickups are at school."

The reasons for my email was more so so he actually communicates back and confirms the change in plans and ensuring everyone on the same page.
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  #8  
Old 09-10-2019, 02:03 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jaycollins5888 View Post
I already read that. Don't get your panties in a bunch there.



Read the second sentence that says "Our final order states ex to have access to S10 EOW, Friaday after school to Monday morning and every wednesday to thursday mornings."



And more importantly, read the third sentence that says "Pickups are at school."


Your initial response to OP was in the vein of forcing mom to accept what he wanted for his time and compared it to how you deal with your ex. He is the custodial parent. He doesn’t tell mom what he is going to do, he provides parenting time as outlined in their agreement. Your situation is not like his.
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  #9  
Old 09-10-2019, 02:05 PM
jaycollins5888 jaycollins5888 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Your initial response to OP was in the vein of forcing mom to accept what he wanted for his time and compared it to how you deal with your ex. He is the custodial parent. He doesn’t tell mom what he is going to do, he provides parenting time as outlined in their agreement. Your situation is not like his.
It was not. Not even sure what on earth you are talking about. I am also a custodial parent. Doesn't give me any right to just show up at the school to pickup the child on days they expect mom without notice. What if mom changes her mind and shows up at school saying, well, you never got back to me to confirm ?

It's always best to communicate and confirm change of plans and ensure everyone is on the same page.

Last edited by Jeff; 09-10-2019 at 02:16 PM. Reason: Remove offensive language
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  #10  
Old 09-10-2019, 03:32 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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There’s a reason you are the custodial parent... because you’re the one responsible for the child when the other parent decides to be absent... as stated, you can’t force someone to be a parent, you can’t force her parenting time... it is what it is unfortunately for you


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