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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 04-05-2017, 12:23 PM
youngmom youngmom is offline
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Thanks for your detailed explanation
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Old 04-05-2017, 12:35 PM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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I agree with all the above comments and would like to add that parenting is very much a skill that you learn based on experience.

So you can't expect him to be perfect based on the fact that you're gatekeeping the child away from him. He needs fair, reasonable, one-on-one time to learn to parent. I guarantee you weren't perfect right away either.

Fathers have as much right to children as mother's every time you deny him access with some of the reasons you've listed...imagine what it would be like if someone treated you that way as a parent. (Bet you wouldn't like it and you'd be pretty insulted and intimidated).

I'm sure this guy isn't perfect and if he doesn't exercise his access, you're going to have lots of opportunity to remove it in the future but right now, give him a chance to be a dad and give your child a chance at having a relationship with his dad.

If the guy isn't a total jackhole (and that's still to be determined), this is the best gift you can give to your child. Good luck!
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Old 04-05-2017, 12:38 PM
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LovingFather32 LovingFather32 is offline
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Came back and continued his Sunday visits with K. At some point he started asking for overnight visits with him. I was worried he's alone and has real temper issues so I refused.
Here we go again with the gatekeeping (sigh)

You chose him to have a baby with. He has just as much right as you as a biological parent to have a 50/50 relationship (or close to it). Why are you refusing overnights? You're afraid of his temper only at night but allow day visits? Does he turn in to a werewolf at night and Mr. Rogers during the day?

Don't let your subjective feelings override rationality and what's in the child's best interests. Having both loving parents in this child's life is more powerful than you know.
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Old 04-05-2017, 06:10 PM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Originally Posted by dinkyface View Post
Make it clear that if he cannot commit to 50-50 right now, that it will be reviewed in 1 year i.e. he does not have to commit to 50-50 now or lose it forever.
Wait, so he gets to avoid the kid for a year (during the pretty crappy 1-2 age range) and then get back into the kid's life?

That's crap. By all means offer shared now, but if he bails, then he bails. He doesn't get to come back when the kid is older and more enjoyable.

I have zero sympathy for fathers who reject shared, for any reason. If mom didn't offer shared, then she is wrong and putting her needs ahead of her child. However, if she offers shared and dad refuses? His fault, hopefully he does a better job with the next set of kids.
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