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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 03-29-2017, 10:19 PM
SteelCityDad SteelCityDad is offline
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Default Advice needed. Child feels unsafe at other parents home

Need some help with my current situation. D6 has been witnessing domestic violence at moms house and has got progressively worse since the end of summer. I did confront the other parent about my concerns about this in December just to be told I should be happy.

This month there their was an indecent at the other parents home that had D6 in tears hiding in her room under stairs due to a domestic fight between the other parent and her new partner. The CAS was informed and they confirmed D6 was witnessing domestic violence but not at a level they would intervene.

During March break the other parent was contacted by CAS and when I picked her up for my access time I noticed a bruise and some swelling on her forehead and asked her what happened. She stated her mom hit her with her first while she was angry and yelling at her. She also said she was dropped off at someones house afterwords because mom didn't want to watch her anymore.

I have contacted the CAS worker and set up a appointment for this friday as D6 has been having nightmares about the violence and being hit and I do not see this as acceptable behavior at all.

Today the other parent was supposed to pick D6 up after her after school program but instead D6 decided to take the bus to my home and didn't go to her after school program. I was surprised to see her when I was working in the front yard get off the bus and when I asked why she was here, she stated her mom said she could come here today because she was busy. I had a great feeling this was not true.

Later in the evening I received a email from the other parent asking why I picked her up as it was not my access time. which only confirm what I had thought when our daughter said it was ok.

After dinner I had a talk with D6 and asked her what the real reason is that she took the bus home, she then broke down and said she doesn't want to get hit, hear the fighting, and is scared to go back.

I now have to bring D6 to school in the morning and the other parent will be having there access time after school. I do not have a meeting with CAS until friday but did call the worker to see if she had time tomorrow.

Not sure what I can/should do here but I do know D6 doesn't feel safe in the other parents home at the moment. I hope no ones child has to go though this or has to tell their child that they promise they will do everything they can to keep them safe to have no one listen.
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  #2  
Old 03-30-2017, 08:38 AM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SteelCityDad View Post
The CAS was informed and they confirmed D6 was witnessing domestic violence but not at a level they would intervene.
Isn't that the end of the road? If you stand in front of a judge and say that CAS would not intervene, then why would a judge feel that intervention is appropriate?

Document for now, bring kid to a therapist (or other mandatory reporting professional) and hope that the therapist makes a CAS report. But, until you get a CAS report, I think you're stuck.
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Old 03-30-2017, 09:09 AM
SteelCityDad SteelCityDad is offline
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Isn't that the end of the road? If you stand in front of a judge and say that CAS would not intervene, then why would a judge feel that intervention is appropriate?
The CAS has only confirmed about the witnessing fights between the other parent and her partner in the home. They have not confirmed as to D6 being a victim of domestic violence as of yet. I am not a professional in this and is why I signed a final order and let the CAS deal with the witnessing of this violence. Since then things have just got worse for D6 and I don't need to be a professional to tell this is harmful to a child even if it is my own child that I am emotionally attached to.

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Originally Posted by Janus View Post
Document for now, bring kid to a therapist (or other mandatory reporting professional) and hope that the therapist makes a CAS report. But, until you get a CAS report, I think you're stuck.
Thanks for the advice, I will try to set something up asap for her to talk to about her worries. As of now I have only told D6 to tell her teachers but your advice seems better.
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Old 03-30-2017, 09:58 AM
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I would think that when someone, anyone, hits your child and there is visible evidence of the assault you would take the child to the doctor. Doctor has a legal obligation to report this.
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Old 03-30-2017, 10:09 AM
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Child hasn't been hit.
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Old 03-30-2017, 11:04 AM
SteelCityDad SteelCityDad is offline
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Child hasn't been hit.
During March break the other parent was contacted by CAS and when I picked her up for my access time I noticed a bruise and some swelling on her forehead and asked her what happened. She stated her mom hit her with her first while she was angry and yelling at her. She also said she was dropped off at someones house afterwords because mom didn't want to watch her anymore.

I should have taking her to the doctor right away so D6 could explain what happened. Hope there is not a next time but will surely do this right away if there is.

Thanks arabian I should have done this naturally but have never had to deal with this before.
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Old 03-30-2017, 03:12 PM
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Yes it is hard to think that a parent would abuse their own child. Very sad indeed.

Others on this site might have some practical advice on how you can make your child safe when not in your presence... people she can talk to at the school.
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Old 03-30-2017, 08:39 PM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
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I had been forced to send my children to my ex who had been charged with assaulting them ( even though it was supervised). You might want to discuss a safety plan with your daughter with "what if scenarios". You can also give her a cell phone and teach her how to use it. An iPod can also provide some safety as you can download an app so she can dial out.
Lastly, you may want to bite the bullet and offer some support to your ex to wish her well and let her know that if she is in an abusive relationship there is help available. God forbid anything should happen to her, your daughter will be further traumatized.
You're in a tricky situation. Good luck.
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Old 04-02-2017, 06:48 PM
Links17 Links17 is offline
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I would keep the kids. Let the parent file an emergency motion.

Go in front of a judge and tell the judge to order you to give you your kids to your ex and that you'll challenge in appeal (which is hard) how putting the kid in an unstable environment that is progressively getting worse is in the best interests of the child at the court of appeal. It's a winnable case but somebody has to be do it. There needs to be red line drawn in these cases.



Don't let CAS decide what is appropriate for your children.
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