Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 05-14-2016, 11:08 AM
dinkyface dinkyface is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,476
dinkyface will become famous soon enough
Default I'm leaving country - handover timing conflict

The situation:
- I am non-custodial father with 40% access.
- I am leaving the country tomorrow (Sunday) for 4 weeks to take care of my mother.
- This weekend D9 is with me and my partner (of 8 years).
- Our agreement indicates that if either of us is away overnight, then the other parent has first 'right' to care for the child, and there are timelines given for how much notice times to give, and how much time for other parent to respond (I have given more notice than necessary, she responded late, but no matter). We have agreed in this case that she will look after D9 while I am away.

I have indicated that handover can be done between my partner and her anytime after they get back from the airport (any time after 6:30pm), or my partner can take D9 to school Monday morning. We live very close together so handover location is not an issue.

There is no history of hostility between her and my partner, and they have occasional direct (uneventful, cordial) contact thru the school. My partner and D9 have a good relationship also.

Custodial mother is asking for details of my flight, and is claiming that if I don't agree to handover BEFORE I leave for the airport that she will pursue termination of my access rights.

And, she holds D9's passport, so no concern that I might be abducting D9. Though we 3 did fly last-moment this March Break without passports to ski out west (because there was no snow here). Over the years, we have both traveled out of country with D9 with no issues. Consent letters and passports duly requested and provided.

Thoughts, recommendations?

Last edited by dinkyface; 05-14-2016 at 11:38 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 05-14-2016, 12:23 PM
arabian's Avatar
arabian arabian is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 10,665
arabian will become famous soon enough
Default

Is there any reason why you can't execute the handover prior to going to the airport?

I don't think she'd have any luck cancelling your access, if anything she would look ridiculously petty.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 05-14-2016, 06:07 PM
Rioe's Avatar
Rioe Rioe is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 3,347
Rioe will become famous soon enough
Default

She REALLY REALLY REALLY wants the child from you before your flight for some reason! So much so that she is willing to bring out the biggest bluff she can possibly imagine.

Her threat is completely empty though, as I can't imagine any judge would allow her to terminate liberal access over one non-standard exchange that you did your best to communicate about.

I would just tell her that the child is keen to see the airport and say goodbye to you there, and you'd like that extra couple of hours with her before you are absent for a month. But since it sounds like having her daughter early is important to her, you are happy to accommodate with the 6:30 Sunday drop off instead of the Monday morning at school one.

Sometimes it's useful to look at things from the perspective of what would happen if there was no other partner in the picture. Probably you'd be dropping the child off to your ex and taking a cab to the airport. So if your ex harbours ill feelings towards your partner being a second mom to your child, that could be what's driving this.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 05-14-2016, 08:57 PM
Links17 Links17 is offline
Hand of Justice
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: In the Shadows
Posts: 3,166
Links17 is on a distinguished road
Default

For that type of threat I would do exactly the opposite and tell her to do her worst. Lay the smack down.... Being firm, post divorce has worked better than I could have imagined... Bullies always back down.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 05-14-2016, 10:26 PM
dinkyface dinkyface is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,476
dinkyface will become famous soon enough
Default

Sure, we could do handover before I go to the airport. But I'd rather have D9 see me off at the airport. And I can't see any reason why not to.
I don't know what the issue is - abduction fears, having D9 worked up by the airport good-bye, the idea of D9 in my partner's care for 1-2 hours, some misunderstanding of our agreement. I have asked and she won't say.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 05-15-2016, 08:33 AM
good_mom good_mom is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 440
good_mom is on a distinguished road
Default

She needs to grow up. Most likely the time with your spouse will be driving back from the airport. Keep to the plan and tell her that if she limits access that you will bring action and seek cost. End of story child will be available for pick up at x time.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 05-15-2016, 08:20 PM
good_mom good_mom is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 440
good_mom is on a distinguished road
Default

Your ex has to understand you are leaving for a month and seeing D9 till the last moment is not just for you but for D9 and that what matters, not about ex feelings about seeing your spouse for what 2 mins. Or the fact that D9 will be with her for what a couple of hours. Giving in to the threat will only continue to be used every time she wants to get her way.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 05-16-2016, 12:01 PM
dinkyface dinkyface is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,476
dinkyface will become famous soon enough
Default

Uneventful handover via my partner, at time&place I proposed. Apparently she had made a nuisance of herself with the police, they warned her not to contact them again or be charged with mischief. Police were supportive once I described to them our court order and forwarded the email trail INCLUDING what I had sent.
She's still claiming I'm in contempt.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 05-16-2016, 02:10 PM
arabian's Avatar
arabian arabian is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 10,665
arabian will become famous soon enough
Default

Your ex tried to involve police over this incident????

Certifiable nut job. I'd be sure to keep the file #
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 05-16-2016, 09:37 PM
Links17 Links17 is offline
Hand of Justice
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: In the Shadows
Posts: 3,166
Links17 is on a distinguished road
Default

Way to lay the smack down
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Spouse leaving the country... onthefence Divorce & Family Law 2 08-13-2011 03:49 PM
Leaving country sauzen Parenting Issues 0 04-12-2011 08:05 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:15 AM.