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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 09-06-2019, 02:32 PM
Selfrepmom Selfrepmom is offline
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Originally Posted by Janus View Post
but don't pretend that you were completely virtuous here.
No pretending here. This had zero malicious intent.

Because her dad for some reason refuses to keep some belongings for our daughter at his house, I quite often end up with duplicates of things (see above bike story). When he showed up with the new bag he did not say “I bought D5 a new school backpack to be used exclusively for school” he said “Here, I bought her a new bag”.
For further reference, for about 2 months prior to this I had been sending her to her dad’s with her clothes in a plastic grocery bag as her backpack from the previous school year was getting worse for wear and the zipper on it was completely broken.
That day we were out shopping and she started yelling in excitement at the sight of this other backpack, my thoughts were in no way “Ya, let’s stick it to dad”. I was thinking “holy cow she’s really flipping out over this backpack- I will splurge and get it because it would be nice to have one for school and one for weekends away- that way she always has one come Monday’s in case the other one gets forgotten at his house or something”

Believe me, the only way I am trying to think of how to “stick it to dad” is how to get him to pay proper CS. I got bigger fish to fry than backpacks.
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Old 09-06-2019, 05:46 PM
pinkmorganite pinkmorganite is offline
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A situation like that usually arises from a case that is or has been high-conflict at one time. Those cases suck!

I understand how it happened in the moment in the store with your daughter, how you bought it, no malicious intent.

I also understand how Dad receiving that photo with a different backpack would make him feel/see it the way he did.

He definitely let his emotions get the best of him, said things he should not have.

That "twins, lying to his employer" story is insane!!
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Old 09-06-2019, 10:54 PM
Helpmyspouse Helpmyspouse is offline
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Your ex sounds unstable. Probably why he is your ex. You have done nothing wrong. It's not even about a kids backpack. It's about an unstable parent that believes in punishing his own child for a perceived s!ight from another adult. Only a nutbar dad would do this. So he is pissed off at you and thinks not seeing his child is the correct thing to do. I bet he holds this threat over your head always. My ex used to threaten this as well. Like you I used to worry about how to explain to my kids the day their dad stopped seeing them. They do this as a form of control and because they are just nuts. They know that as moms, the best way to hurt us is through our kids The day came for me. He stopped seeing them in 2014. I told them the truth. Dad is not well and not making the right choices. He loves you very much. Of everything I have endured in this long drawn out divorce, the most painful is any of this kind of shit that affects my kids. Thanks Don't worry about trying to explain it years from now. Be the stable and loving parent despite the crap. Sorry for what you are going through.
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Old 09-10-2019, 01:54 PM
jaycollins5888 jaycollins5888 is offline
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 21
jaycollins5888 has a little shameless behaviour in the past

Originally Posted by Selfrepmom View Post
Ex bought a backpack for our child a few weeks ago. Ok, cool, thanks for the contribution.
Let's focus on your rather sarcastic "go f#$% yourself" attitude there towards the father's purchasing of t a backpack. It's not a contribution. It's not a material thing. It's more than that. It was the first backpack your child's father bought it for her. Obviously not a great deal to you, but a big deal for child and dad.

Originally Posted by Selfrepmom View Post
So I think to myself, ok, we use more practical bag for school and one dad bought for sleepovers at grandparents and his parenting time. Reasonable? I thought so.
Unreasonable. See my comment above.

Originally Posted by Selfrepmom View Post
First day of school, I take the typical first day picture, and automatically text it to her dad for him to see as well.
Hey look at this picture! I totally disregarded the backpack you bought and bought another one. Guess she won't be going back to school with the bag you bought for her afteral, sucker!!

Originally Posted by Selfrepmom View Post
I immediately get a message back berating me
What did you expect him to say? Thank you for not allowing our child to take to school the bag that I got for him ?

Originally Posted by Selfrepmom View Post
It’s going to break her heart if I ever have to tell her she won’t be able to see him anymore.
I doubt he actually would. I think he's just pissed off and knows this threat pisses you off and just wants to piss you off and get back at you for what you did to him this first day of school.

Originally Posted by Selfrepmom View Post
Anybody have any age appropriate explanations they have used to tell a child that one parent has left the picture?(she is 5) Trying to prepare myself for the worst.
Or, just don't get upset about and replace significant items the father of your child buys for your child. This is one of the things my ex was lectured about by OCL and reunification counselling.

A more child focused approach here is clearly to not take the child backpack shopping when child already has one, and to let child know they already have a lovely backpack that their father got for them for school.

I personally, got an clause in my agreement that we take turns with back to school shopping. And I'm really glad I got it.
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