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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #1  
Old 08-26-2019, 04:22 PM
Frostrated Frostrated is offline
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Default I feel like I'm in a never ending nightmare

So, I told my husband a week or two ago that I'm done with the marriage. He's been carrying on ever since. Went on a three day trip and came home even crazier. I had gone into my room to collect the rest of my stuff. I got some clothes, hangers, some toiletries and a duvet. He told me I stole the duvet. I said he had another brand new one that he packed, so I just took that since sleeping on the couch is getting cold. He said he wanted things to be amicable and wouldn't leave until I could afford it. He asked if September 1st was ok. Then he said I stole a more stuff from him and I should "prepare for September 1st".

Last night at 11:30 he emailed me saying I stole stuff from the bedroom and was disgusted with my behaviour. Then at 3:30 am he emailed me asking me to come to bed tomorrow and lay next to him in the dark and he wants to tell me something and that I was right all along (I'm assuming about the cocaine). I gathered all his kitchen stuff and put it in front of the bedroom door for him to pack and so I wouldn't get accused of stealing anything. I wrote him an email saying that his request was inappropriate under the circumstances and that I'd like him to move out as planned on September 1st. He came home and started kicking the pots and pans down the hallway and scared the crap out my daughter. He said to get his name off the title and and won't leave until then. The real estate lawyer says he can't do that and it needs to be through a divorce lawyer via separation agreement.

I feel like we're never going to feel safe again. I can't keep sleeping on the couch, it's been four months. I start a new job next week. How am I going to get through this?
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  #2  
Old 08-26-2019, 05:03 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Has your lawyer filed for exclusive possession yet?


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  #3  
Old 08-26-2019, 05:55 PM
Frostrated Frostrated is offline
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No, I told him to wait to see if he would leave on his own and wouldn't get mad enough to try and take half the house. He kept saying or threatening that he was going to leave and said he'd be leaving September 1st and I'd better get ready. Now he's saying, "Oh, I didn't realize that's only a week away. I can't go that soon". My daughter is now scared and locking her bedroom door but anyone can open it with a coin. We shouldn't be afraid living in our own home. I forwarded my lawyer the last email and asked that he advise next steps. Look like I'll have to get aggressive, which I was trying to avoid. Of course, my lawyer is on holidays until the 3rd, so it may be a day or two before he replies.
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Old 08-26-2019, 07:42 PM
Helpmyspouse Helpmyspouse is offline
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I tell you this from first hand experienced. My expdh started showing signs of delusions and paranoia. He was dripping of psychosis. Your husband sounds like my ex. I was accused of everything under the sun including stealing, poisoning him. Look up paranoid delusional disorder. He had all the themes of delusions. The accusations got worse and worse as he deteriorated. He became more and more unhinged and unstable. He also became more and more angry. Punched holes through walls and then got violent with me. He choked me in front of our young children. I waited too long to leave the home! Don't make the mistake I did. You can't negotiate with a terrorist. You can't believe what he says he will do. He is a sick man. I'm sorry to be so blunt. In 6 months of living with him in this state, I became a shell of a human. Could not eat or drink. I was down to 100 lbs. I couldn't put in a few days work. He would call me ranting of crazy shit. At home, I slept with my back against the wall. Afraid he would hurt me. Please listen to your instincts. You and your daughter are in danger living with an unhinged mentally ill man. At first I tried to negotiate with him. First he said I should leave. Then he should leave. Then no one needs to leave because he didn't want the family broken. He kept changing up the plan. All I knew was that my life was upside down and two children to protect from their biological father. It was emotionally painful. File for exclusive possession of the home. You are waiting for a sick man to decide on what happens next. Don't let a crazy man drive your train. You need to take control. Please. I am worried for you.
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  #5  
Old 08-27-2019, 09:22 AM
Frostrated Frostrated is offline
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I've been worried for months. Not only do I think he's Bipolar but he's also addicted to cocaine. He is not rational. He went from I'm leaving tomorrow, to you can't expect me to find a place quickly, to you need to get all the mortgage and deed stuff done this week before I leave...all in the same day.

He's now saying that if I want, I can buy things off of him to help pay for the $650 it will cost him to move because he can't afford it. He got $100.000 inheritance last year! I haven't seen a penny of it, and he can't afford $650?? He's also saying that he's not paying any more bills while he's here because he needs to have money for first and last month's rent and that he's taking everything he ever bought for the house, even though he lived rent-free for four years. I'm so annoyed and my lawyer is off until next week and I start a brand new job next week. I'm so stressed. I'm also down 65 lbs since January.
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Old 08-27-2019, 01:54 PM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Frostrated View Post
I've been worried for months. Not only do I think he's Bipolar but he's also addicted to cocaine. He is not rational. He went from I'm leaving tomorrow, to you can't expect me to find a place quickly, to you need to get all the mortgage and deed stuff done this week before I leave...all in the same day.

He's now saying that if I want, I can buy things off of him to help pay for the $650 it will cost him to move because he can't afford it. He got $100.000 inheritance last year! I haven't seen a penny of it, and he can't afford $650?? He's also saying that he's not paying any more bills while he's here because he needs to have money for first and last month's rent and that he's taking everything he ever bought for the house, even though he lived rent-free for four years. I'm so annoyed and my lawyer is off until next week and I start a brand new job next week. I'm so stressed. I'm also down 65 lbs since January.
first off the inheritance is his and you do not get a piece of it.

Have you checked into seeing at the bank if you can get financing to buy him out? Maybe your Mom can co-sign for you?

If you get exclusive possession can you afford the bills on your own?

He was probably advised not to move out as he losing a bargaining chip. He was probably told that the sale or buy out of the house could be stalled if he moves out. He may need the money to get/rent another place if the inheritance is gone.

Figure out what the house is worth,if you have not done that already. Then go from there. I know you have a lot on your plate with starting a new job and going through this. You may have to let go of the house but in the end, it may be for the best especially if that is the biggest thing that is holding everything back. Show him you are serious by having the house appraised and making him an offer.
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Old 08-29-2019, 01:50 AM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Frostrated View Post
I feel like we're never going to feel safe again. I can't keep sleeping on the couch, it's been four months. I start a new job next week. How am I going to get through this?
When does the house go up for sale?

(and, since the answer appears to be "never")

Why on earth are you not selling the house?

One cool feature about having your own place is that if a guest starts throwing pans down the hallway, you just kick them out. You get to sleep on a bed, and you can lock the door. If there is somebody you do not like, you do not give them a key.

You seem stressed, why would you sign up for an extra twelve months of this stress?
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