Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #21  
Old 01-14-2019, 02:29 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 646
kate331 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
Thanks Kate!! You sound like you have a wealth of knowledge about tools to help parents. I heard from OCL, she agrees that this is excessive force and it should be reported to CAS. She now will be back to interview the children again.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I've taken a lot of parenting/special needs classes/courses to help manage my own situation. I see a lot of parenting solutions that would cross over to main stream children. I see your ex as a parent that could be overwhelmed and in need of solutions with 5 kids to manage on his time, not denied access. If a parent is resorting to pinching their children in public to behave, they need some help. Who knows whats going on behind closed doors
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 01-14-2019, 02:38 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 646
kate331 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by tunnelight View Post
Wait. The OCL told you what she would be recommending before the disclosure meeting? That's explains a few things to me now for my experience with the OCL. Thanks for sharing !
Me too! OCL already told me I'm not getting my Sunday nights kids free. But she is going to say NO to the split weekends my ex wants. She also told both of us to attend the SNAP program.

Why is it suppose to be kept secret until the disclosure meeting???

Last edited by kate331; 01-14-2019 at 02:59 PM. Reason: add question
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 01-14-2019, 04:00 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 4,206
rockscan will become famous soon enough
Default Discipline or abuse?

In a normal circumstance you would be able to say “stop pinching our kid” and dad would find another way to discipline them. Unfortunately this isn’t normal and you have to manage how kids are disciplined in his care. No you shouldn’t have to punish kid 2 nor should you have to send your kid off to a guy they hate. But right now, under these circumstances, you have to manage the issue. This goes along with my advice “you can’t control other people’s behaviour”. Your ex is a jerk to his sensitive child and there’s no way to tell him effectively due to litigation and his crazy new gf.

I made a couple of suggestions as did others. OCL told you something that would have been a given regardless of their involvement (parenting classes). If your ex was serious about 50/50 custody they would be on their best freaking behaviour, taking classes and being dad of the bloody year. Hes not and this is why you are having to wade through this.

Perhaps its simply this—you tell both kids to be on their best behaviour with dad and leave any rough housing, goofing off and general misadventures for your house. I don’t see this as any different than going to a friend/relative/outside place where they need to behave. Kid 2 should see that his brother is struggling at dads house and may be willing to help out his brother. My two siblings and I always looked out for each other no matter where we were. We hated each other at home and there was definitely some kid on kid action but elsewhere, nobody touched us. They are only there for two days and I cant see them being in public (which is where this happens no?) for very long. Advise kid 1 that he needs to start saying to dad that he hurt him and he doesn’t like it.

Bad advice but I will say it anyway...failing all that, have him go to teacher and say his arm hurts from dad pinching him and show the mark!

Last edited by rockscan; 01-14-2019 at 04:11 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 01-14-2019, 05:40 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 646
kate331 is on a distinguished road
Default

Regardless how custody turns out in their case, these children have a right to not be physically abused by anyone. They are going to have many years of access/parenting time with their Dad. If this could be corrected right now, this will help ensure a lasting and healthier relationship with both parent and child(ren). His girlfriend may be crazy, but I wonder if she knows what going on, and if she is OK with this form of punishment being inflected on her own children.

Telling them to be on their "best behaviour" imo is sending a message to the children the abuse is their fault. And now they have to walk on eggshells around Dad, not to piss him off when its typical childs play they are getting in trouble for. They should be relaxed and enjoying their time, not worried when the next pinch is coming. Of course there should be consequences for their behaviour, Dad just needs better tools, and if a CAS worker or OCL accessor can help him. I say sign him up!!!

When you know better, you do better. I see a parent struggling and needing help.
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 01-14-2019, 09:51 PM
arabian's Avatar
arabian arabian is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 10,528
arabian will become famous soon enough
Default

abuse is abuse is abuse

might be very difficult for you, and the timing not great, but I think you have an obligation as a parent to protect your child

Child should report incident to school (neutral 3rd party) and you should definitely express your concern, in writing to the other parent.

Who cares about "what this might look like" - you need clarification from your ex.

Other parents would have marched their child to Emerg to have the bruises photographed and attested by medical personnel.

I'd empower your child to know the abuse is wrong and encourage child to seek help from family physician and school.

What a sicko ex you have. I feel very sorry for you and your son.

That's my 2 cents. I'd be very, very concerned.
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 01-14-2019, 10:49 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 646
kate331 is on a distinguished road
Default

I'm with you Arabian, my concern is how this post is being misconstrued as a Mom wanting to deny access. This is not the case from what I am reading/understanding. Are we are getting so jaded that abuse trumps parental rights? The concern seems to be about not stopping the abuse, but making sure the children continue to visit, and adjust their behaviour so the abuse will "somehow" stop and use ipads as a tool to stop the physical abuse? Again, what I am not understanding here?? There are hundreds of lurkers here, and this is the message "us" senior members are sending out to the public???

We are the adults here, I am dumbfounded at some of the responses.
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 01-15-2019, 07:16 AM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 321
Mom 2 Two is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
abuse is abuse is abuse

might be very difficult for you, and the timing not great, but I think you have an obligation as a parent to protect your child

Child should report incident to school (neutral 3rd party) and you should definitely express your concern, in writing to the other parent.

Who cares about "what this might look like" - you need clarification from your ex.

Other parents would have marched their child to Emerg to have the bruises photographed and attested by medical personnel.

I'd empower your child to know the abuse is wrong and encourage child to seek help from family physician and school.

What a sicko ex you have. I feel very sorry for you and your son.

That's my 2 cents. I'd be very, very concerned.

Thanks Arabian... I wish I could send ex and email about this behaviour. The last time I did so it went ignored. My son just wants the pinching to stop. There are many other ways to deal with behaviour out in public. I sure don’t have to resort to this when they are with me. They get a warning... then they lose a privilege. Then we leave.
We see the family Dr’s therapist today.
I think once my son knows he can still see his dad and the behaviour will not happen anymore he will be ok.
Thanks for your two cents....




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 01-15-2019, 12:52 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 4,206
rockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

I don’t want anyone to think I condone dads behaviour. I was taking into account the issues with correspondence, the other sides “conflict seeking” lawyer, the current litigation and the ongoing difficulties the child has with dad.

Like I said initially, in normal circumstances she could tell him to stop pinching the kid. This guy is a treat and a half and has his gf do all his fighting for him. If anything was said it would create additional drama and probably escalate the trauma to the child as dad would target him. Plus if mom2two intervened in parenting time, she would be accused of alienation (which he has already claimed btw). This is an extremely difficult scenario with a hurt child in the middle.

Hopefully the outside parties can help stop this bs and you can move forward with your matter.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Too good to be true.... Tank2 Divorce & Family Law 10 01-17-2012 07:11 AM
cycles of abuse broken_gal Domestic Violence 9 08-05-2011 11:42 AM
What does child support cover? Workin Financial Issues 66 06-28-2010 02:42 PM
Verbal Physiological Abuse of Children? LostFather Divorce & Family Law 10 06-14-2010 04:22 PM
Child abuse - need some guidance singledad99 Divorce & Family Law 3 11-10-2008 06:55 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:02 AM.