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  • School Emergency Contact

    Is the non custodial parent usually listed as an emergency contact at school?

    I have no issue with having dad’s contact info at school. My issue is the emergency part.

    Dad is a mechanic often out in the road for test drives or stuck under a hood of a car...

    Should dad be the next contact after myself?
    A) he lives 45 mins away
    B) never answers his phone
    C) my mom who is 5 minutes from the school have always been in the list as she is retired.

    So my thinking is... the kids are always with me during the week... why would dad need to be listed as the emergency contact?

    I guess I could make him third after mom then Grandma..

    They now want the school verification forms. They are demanding them from me. After the judge told him to get this stuff himself??

    Guess my latest offer won’t be getting accepted. [emoji51]


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  • #2
    List him as 3.

    In my case, dad is listed as call person 3. Simply because he works about an hour away.

    1. Mom (works 15 minutes away)
    2. Grandma (lives 5 minutes away)
    3. Dad (works 40min- 1hr away)

    If school doesn’t get me right away, they call #2. It happened once when I was in a meeting room with low reception.

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    • #3
      Ok... that’s feasible...

      My school hasn’t even sent out the forms yet to be updated....

      Guess I better call today.

      Thanks!


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      • #4
        Why not ask him if he wants to be the emergency contact?


        If he does, and he is not available, the school will call your mother. If he does not want to be the emergency contact then you have lost nothing.


        Putting him at number 3 is risking a conflict for no measurable gain and is unnecessarily insulting. I know somebody who was non-custodial who got put at number 3 almost exactly like you have just described, and the argument spiraled into court. Well, when they finally got to court it wasn't about the emergency contact but that's what started the shitshow.


        This is such a lousy hill to pick on a fight on.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Janus View Post
          Why not ask him if he wants to be the emergency contact?


          If he does, and he is not available, the school will call your mother. If he does not want to be the emergency contact then you have lost nothing.


          Putting him at number 3 is risking a conflict for no measurable gain and is unnecessarily insulting. I know somebody who was non-custodial who got put at number 3 almost exactly like you have just described, and the argument spiraled into court. Well, when they finally got to court it wasn't about the emergency contact but that's what started the shitshow.


          This is such a lousy hill to pick on a fight on.


          I realize this isn’t a huge deal.. but dad thinks he should be first in the list!! He is not available as described above.. but in his place his gf would be available as she barely works. I don’t see how she should have anything to do with it


          Or the last time there was an emergency I called my ex on the way to the school and asked him to come. As he needed to see what state our son was in... he didn’t show up...

          The school needs someone reliable and shouldn’t have to go through a list of unavailable people.

          He has always been listed as dad... but is trying to he is not...

          I have registration papers so we are good there. He also thinks there is new registration papers each year. Thinks I with hold them. They don’t exist. Lol.


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          • #6
            If you haven’t received the forms then tell them that. I have not received the forms from the school yet.

            Janus is right. List him as two and your mom as three. If they can’t reach him they will go to three. Thats why they ask for several. Truly, if there is an emergency, you will be the one to go so this is really not worth the fight.

            Remember you don’t need to show up to every fight you are invited to. They want the forms, tell them you don’t have them yet it’s only the first week of school. If they want to demand more info from others, let them make the calls.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
              I realize this isn’t a huge deal.. but dad thinks he should be first in the list!!

              ...and your plan is to put him third instead after your mom. Clearly you are one of those people who desperately desire unnecessary drama. Instead of a complete non-issue, you are going to have a full-blown argument.


              Originally posted by Mom2two
              Or the last time there was an emergency I called my ex on the way to the school and asked him to come.

              You were already going to the school, why would he have to go as well? Is your kid so fat you need two parents to lift him up?

              Originally posted by Janus
              This is such a lousy hill to pick on a fight on.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Janus View Post
                ...and your plan is to put him third instead after your mom. Clearly you are one of those people who desperately desire unnecessary drama. Instead of a complete non-issue, you are going to have a full-blown argument.

                I have not responded or changed any info that is on the forms... this is dad demanding to be an emergency contact. That’s quite fine with me.


                You were already going to the school, why would he have to go as well? Is your kid so fat you need two parents to lift him up?


                Actually our child was in a mental health crisis with the class on lockdown Janus... and I thought it was important that he have both parents there to support him. He was then taken to the hospital at which time dad still couldn’t find the time to show up... maybe you shouldn’t assume before you sling silly assumptions.

                Also.. I just spoke with the school... the order of contacts BEFORE emergency contacts are called is always
                primary parent
                Then the other parent...

                If they can’t be reached then they go to emergency contact list.

                Parents should not be emergency contact as they are always contacted first.

                So this is why dad doesn’t need to be an emergency contact as he is always second in line no matter what.


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                • #9
                  He is not available as described above.. but in his place his gf would be available

                  You probably know this, but schools do not accept substitutions when it comes to emergency contacts. So if he answers the call and sends his girlfriend, the school will not release the child to the gf, nor pass on information to her.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by tilt View Post
                    He is not available as described above.. but in his place his gf would be available

                    You probably know this, but schools do not accept substitutions when it comes to emergency contacts. So if he answers the call and sends his girlfriend, the school will not release the child to the gf, nor pass on information to her.


                    I would hope they would but... but I think he thinks if he is to give permission for her to get the kids they would. Except I don’t give consent to that. That what he always does. Gets gf to take care of it all


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                    • #11
                      Ten or so years ago I tried to pick my nieces up from school. Everyone knew me, the kids all called me by my nickname, the teachers had met me, I had volunteered at pizza day. The principal still would not release them to me without permission. Their poor mother had to call the school superintendent. Hopefully schools are still the same with gf.

                      Seriously though, not a hill to die on. They are looking for cracks, don’t give them. If there was an emergency they would call you and you would go. Just put him on the forms and hope kids are ok!

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                      • #12
                        I agree that it's not a hill to die on.

                        I should've prefaced my answer.

                        For the emergency contact(s) for our kid- time is of the essence. Sometimes schools are reluctant to deliver Epi. So someone needs to be there asap if the school is unsure.

                        And I did agree with my ex in co-parent counselling on the order of contact.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by tilt View Post
                          He is not available as described above.. but in his place his gf would be available

                          You probably know this, but schools do not accept substitutions when it comes to emergency contacts. So if he answers the call and sends his girlfriend, the school will not release the child to the gf, nor pass on information to her.


                          Not always true... my sister is separated, dad is remarried... but works all day... his new wife has a lot of flexibility in her own business... they share 50-50... if Dad is called, his wife goes and picks the children up... as long as one parent consents to a person picking up the child the school releases them... the new wife does 95% of school drop offs and pick ups on Dad’s weeks


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                          • #14
                            And I suppose this situation would be fine if we had 50/50... the kids wouldn’t be in dads care during the week...


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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
                              And I suppose this situation would be fine if we had 50/50... the kids wouldn’t be in dads care during the week...


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                              Sorry I wasn’t stating for your situation, just that it’s not always just mom and dad... they can delegate others...

                              My husband was never an emergency contact for his kids school because we live over an hour away... it was mom, Grandma and Aunt because they were all right in town


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