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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11  
Old 04-26-2022, 07:47 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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There are a lot of people who dont think their behaviour is wrong. Including a lot of spouses who think because they pay for everything they can do whatever they want. I wouldnt get too caught up in forcing him to admit he did anything or even holding onto what happened. You are-moving forward without him. You got four great kids and your life is looking up.
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  #12  
Old 04-26-2022, 08:03 PM
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Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
There are a lot of people who don�t think their behaviour is wrong. Including a lot of spouses who think because they pay for everything they can do whatever they want. I wouldn�t get too caught up in forcing him to admit he did anything or even holding onto what happened. You are-moving forward without him. You got four great kids and your life is looking up.
Agreed. Seperate this situation entirely from your civil case. Seperation is like a business arrangement, you need to take a business approach to resolving everything and leave hurt/angry feelings out of it - yours and his. Of course he's angry, nobody likes to be called out on their shit. Ignore that he's angry and move things forward as quickly as possible to separate yourself from him and get back to your life.
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  #13  
Old 04-27-2022, 01:25 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Originally Posted by pinkHouses View Post
It sounds like you have a big nothing burger there and you may have some issues yourself. Hard to say.
"I am scared of him in some ways - he’s creepy, sneaky, and dishonest and mean" This isn't about your feelings of him and he could say the same about you.

This is the question you need to determine an answer to:
Is there a problem with simply continuing the way things are?
ignore this. all of it.
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  #14  
Old 04-27-2022, 01:28 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
Agreed. Seperate this situation entirely from your civil case. Seperation is like a business arrangement, you need to take a business approach to resolving everything and leave hurt/angry feelings out of it - yours and his. Of course he's angry, nobody likes to be called out on their shit. Ignore that he's angry and move things forward as quickly as possible to separate yourself from him and get back to your life.
+1

additionally- make sure your separation and parenting agreement is very detailed. less room for interpretation = less arguing. Also- I don't know how you all make decisions now- but with abusive partners control is a major issue. The less joint-decision making required the better. Maybe do parallel parenting.

edited to add: I found therapy was extremely helpful for me during the divorce process. I left an abusive marriage as well.

Last edited by iona6656; 04-27-2022 at 01:30 PM.
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  #15  
Old 04-27-2022, 02:08 PM
pinkHouses pinkHouses is offline
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It sounds like you have a big nothing burger there and you may have some issues yourself. Hard to say.
"I am scared of him in some ways - he’s creepy, sneaky, and dishonest and mean" This isn't about your feelings of him and he could say the same about you.

This is the question you need to determine an answer to:
Is there a problem with simply continuing the way things are?
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Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
ignore this. all of it.
Absolutely horrible advice from Iona here.

Closed mindedness is the OPs worst enemy.
Objectivity is their friend. That is why they have a lawyer.

A dead give away here: "I am scared of him in some ways - he’s creepy, sneaky, and dishonest and mean"....it is all very vague and where is the he violently screams in my face or he violently hits me?

There are personality types that fool themselves or try to fool the world that they were abused at some arbitrary rating of say 80/100 when objectively it is far less or untrue. In some of those cases the accuser is throwing out a lot of their own abuse. Abuse takes many forms.
Like I said "hard to say"

The OP says they have audio/video.....Iona has no idea what this evidence contains, neither do I. The OP and their lawyer does and they have to figure out what is best. For all we know the guy is upset because his wife put the kids in danger or let them run around in full diapers all day while they slept in bed. I am not jumping to any conclusions I am merely pointing out how foolish it is to jump to them.



Quote:
This is the question you need to determine an answer to:
Is there a problem with simply continuing the way things are?
Maybe the image of still being married is a valuable asset, maybe only separation is needed.

I thought about this a bit more and eventually, one day things are likely to become contentious and the best time to set out an agreement is when things are not contentious; be graceful and uncombative, their lawyers are hopefully is great at this. Imagine how much better separation or divorce would be if those people had ironclad pre-nups.

so there is the mini-rant. Open-minded.

Last edited by pinkHouses; 04-27-2022 at 02:16 PM.
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  #16  
Old 04-27-2022, 02:27 PM
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Originally Posted by pinkHouses View Post

A dead give away here: "I am scared of him in some ways - he’s creepy, sneaky, and dishonest and mean"....it is all very vague and where is the he violently screams in my face or he violently hits me?
Honestly here it sounds like you are trying to justify the abusers behavior. And question her claim. She say it happen and has proof. You shouldn't question what actually happened.... Abuse is Abuse is Abuse.

I was abused... while I wasn't "violently hit", I bare the scars and these comments to women who have been abused are, in my opinion, very insulting.
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  #17  
Old 04-27-2022, 02:53 PM
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blinkandimgone blinkandimgone is offline
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Just going to jump in here and redirect. Nobody here has to justify their abuse situation to anyone here. There are many different kinds of abuse and that is NOT what this thread is about so let's keep this on topic related to OP questions about the seperation process.

Thank you.
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  #18  
Old 04-27-2022, 02:57 PM
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Originally Posted by pinkHouses View Post
"I am scared of him in some ways - he’s creepy, sneaky, and dishonest and mean"......oh, you are right!
I looked up creepy, sneaky, dishonest and mean in the criminal code and there it was! A crime of abuse!!!

I found it under the section related to the board game Monopoly.
So now your saying people asking for advice here and telling their story in their own words need to use words from the criminal code? That ridiculous and you know it. She was abused!! She has proof !! leave her alone!! Sounds to me you just don't like women who are about to call out their abusers..

Men like you should never comment on a post where a women was abused.

There - I said it !! many have thought it. NEVER compare abuse to a game of monopoly. It is NOT FUNNY!
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  #19  
Old 04-27-2022, 02:58 PM
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Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
Just going to jump in here and redirect. Nobody here has to justify their abuse situation to anyone here. There are many different kinds of abuse and that is NOT what this thread is about so let's keep this on topic related to OP questions about the seperation process.

Thank you.
I agree and thank you.
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  #20  
Old 04-27-2022, 03:43 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Originally Posted by LMum View Post
So now your saying people asking for advice here and telling their story in their own words need to use words from the criminal code? That ridiculous and you know it. She was abused!! She has proof !! leave her alone!! Sounds to me you just don't like women who are about to call out their abusers..

Men like you should never comment on a post where a women was abused.

There - I said it !! many have thought it. NEVER compare abuse to a game of monopoly. It is NOT FUNNY!
don't take the bait. ignore it.

This place is a wealth of advice and information. but it can also be off-putting if you are a victim of intimate-partner violence, in any form.

There is another category surrounding Domestic Violence.
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