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  • #16
    The system does suck and there are a lot of people who have lost out but if you are simply depressed because you have to pay your ex and took an easy road out, there isn�t a lot of sympathy.

    Did I ever mention in any of the posts about not paying my ex - I will always be a visitor to see my son and there will be no bonding how cruel this system is ???? I wished Judge Judy was there I hear always she saying " Fathers are not second class citizens and they have equal rights on the child"

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    • #17
      Originally posted by sshan View Post
      ... so I gave up fighting this system and to move on
      Stop fighting the system and work with it. You allowed the move, so you move as well. Next door if you have to, so you can still be a 50% parent.

      Comment


      • #18
        Originally posted by sshan View Post
        And what did the judge say about custody? Parenting time? Mobility? Or was it simply about having to pay your ex? Because your post screams of money not your child. Not to mention both of those things are a given, the judge could have ruled otherwise for custody and parenting time if you had gone to trial.

        Don�t blame the system. You gave up on it before getting a full answer. There are a lot of people on here who have spent much more and gained little. They aren�t complaining.

        Ans: If I dont accept the decision I need to bring the matter to court and I have 30 days .- For decision making .

        For parenting time : Alternate weekends and summer, winter vacations and PD days .

        I gave up because I dont have the money and my ex is legal aid and she is enjoying the govt money .

        I spoke to so many lawyers and not a single lawyer is saying there is a chance to bring my son back to my place so I gave up fighting this system and to move on

        That doesn’t answer my question. What was said by the judge in your appearances about increasing time? You spoke to lawyers but nothing from the judge? And were their insights the response you gave because you accepted a peace bond for the false accusations? Did they say things would have been different if you had gone to trial and been acquitted? Or were you actually guilty?

        There are a few previous posters who went up against a legal aid respondent and won. The certificates run out. It’s not an endless flow of cash.

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        • #19
          What was said by the judge in your appearances about increasing time? You spoke to lawyers but nothing from the judge? And were their insights the response you gave because you accepted a peace bond for the false accusations? Did they say things would have been different if you had gone to trial and been acquitted? Or were you actually guilty?


          What was said by the judge in your appearances about increasing time? It is in the discretion of the mother to decide to give a extra weekend to the father and I 'm putting on with a person who is very unreasonable to the core.



          And were their insights the response you gave because you accepted a peace bond for the false accusations?

          No . Even my fingerprints are removed from RCMP .

          Did they say things would have been different if you had gone to trial and been acquitted? Or were you actually guilty?

          The judge was not interested as it was a different court and there is no outstanding case so the judge was not interested.

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          • #20
            Stop fighting the system and work with it. You allowed the move, so you move as well. Next door if you have to, so you can still be a 50% parent.

            What???? she moved without notice and the court took a long time to hear my case and they have established in another city .


            Next door if you have to, so you can still be a 50% parent.

            This is what lawyers are suggesting and they want the father to move and how cruel is this...pay spousal + child support and go to another city and pay rent and live a life??

            That is the reason I see many people dont get married and some losing jobs just to avoid pay support and some flee the country . All this is happening because the system is not fair to the fathers .

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            • #21
              Paying support, or worse - equalization, is par for the course and genderless.

              You can pay less rent and more support, or more rent with less support. Up to you how involved you wanna be.

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              • #22
                Thanks. It is my sole discretion. I again thank this forum as the forum people are more knowledge of the system than so called lawyers in Ontario.

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                • #23
                  There’s more to it than what you’ve said. Not sure if it’s a language thing or not but I have a feeling there was more to you not getting shared custody.

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                  • #24
                    There�s more to it than what you�ve said.

                    What do you mean by that ??

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                    • #25
                      I mean there is probably more you aren’t saying. Judges normally give a reason for their decision even if that decision is verbal during a conference. You went in arguing that she shouldnt have moved and you wanted shared physical custody correct? If so, what was the judges reasoning for recommending it stay as it was?

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                      • #26
                        @OP - Divorcing parents that make false allegations against to get a better strategic position are the scum of the earth. And worse still are those that do it to get a more favourable outcome for support payments.

                        Many of the falsely accused end up settling, giving up or worse getting provoked to behave badly (making it harder for them to pursue their claim through a trial.

                        Ignore these people sitting on their high horses explaining what you could have done differently or trying to justify an imperfect system.

                        There are many lessons to be learned:
                        - be careful who you choose to marry
                        - be careful who you choose to have a child with
                        - be careful buying into the hype of marriage or cohabitation without a prenup. A marriage is an economic partnership. When it breaks there are consequences financially.
                        - show up strong for your child no matter what the outcome is. Don’t let your resentment for you ex, shape the interactions with your child. I’ve talked to a lot of adults who grew up as children of a high conflict divorce. Too many of them are still affected by the conflict they were exposed to.
                        - let it go and move on. What you dwell on, you magnify. If you have been wronged, God will make it up to you in another way.

                        Good luck and hope you feel better l.

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                        • #27
                          I mean there is probably more you aren�t saying. Judges normally give a reason for their decision even if that decision is verbal during a conference. You went in arguing that she shouldnt have moved and you wanted shared physical custody correct? If so, what was the judges reasoning for recommending it stay as it was?

                          The judge did both our reasons and he said that the child should stay with the mother as the father is working and the mother is not working and the father has to travel to see the child.

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                          • #28
                            There is always a lot more to these situations, the "a lot more" can be on either end also. Everyone's situations/experiences are different.

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                            • #29
                              Originally posted by InsideOut View Post
                              @OP - Divorcing parents that make false allegations against to get a better strategic position are the scum of the earth. And worse still are those that do it to get a more favourable outcome for support payments.
                              They are the same people, but I agree with you.

                              Many of the falsely accused end up settling, giving up or worse getting provoked to behave badly (making it harder for them to pursue their claim through a trial.
                              Why? If there is no evidence, eventually the truth comes out. If you were an equal parent, why shouldn't you have equal access?

                              It's funny when people claim they were set up with recordings. If you're hot headed or an abuser, it's fair to have less access.

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                              • #30
                                Originally posted by StillPaying View Post
                                They are the same people, but I agree with you.



                                Why? If there is no evidence, eventually the truth comes out. If you were an equal parent, why shouldn't you have equal access?

                                It's funny when people claim they were set up with recordings. If you're hot headed or an abuser, it's fair to have less access.

                                I think for many it’s financial. In OP’s situation, it’s geographical challenges. For younger children, it’s a young baby that’s still breastfed, etc. there are reasons.

                                The cost to get through to the other side of ‘eventually’ is often 100k+. The truth does come out at trial, but the cost and time of getting to trial is high.

                                Plus no one is perfect. We all have shortcomings. Even if you’re not a hot-head, keeping calm when an acrimonious lawyer makes aggressive allegations against you, takes a lot of energy.

                                I would say, eventually the system lacks the consequences to discourage bad behaviour in the short term. And many people seem to be abusing this.

                                Comment

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