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My daughter, age 10, is in need of counselling. Her dad and I have shared custody and equal access, every other week. She has been having a difficult time dealing with stress at school and in dealing with her dad's anger. She has requested this several times and I emailed her dad with no response. I did bring her to counselling several months ago but was told both parents have to sign. When I brought the form to my ex that day, he blew up and refused. My daughter was sick for days as a result. Is there anything I can do to get her the help she needs??
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I believe that unless its recommended by a professional such as your childs Paediatrician, there is not much you can do. -
This is not something I have knowledge of, but perhaps, can your daughter talk to someone at school (school counselor), who can drive this? Perhaps they could setup a meeting with both parents present, and the school counselor can request this from both of you?
Maybe Dad would act different in front of a school representative?Comment
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Thank you cashcow4ex (I love your name and can totally relate! He currently owes me 26k of child support I paid him) and dad2bandm for your ideas. I will talk to the school first, as they are aware of her difficulty in dealing with stress. Her physician knows as well, we have gone to her on more than one occasion for stomach problems which I now know are related to her stress levels.Comment
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I hope calling the school helped. In my area, there is a psycometrist who travels from school to school in the district. She sees my daughter (now 11) every Friday to chat about things. She helps her with anxiety...she has had stomach issues as well as other classic anxiety symptoms such as difficulty falling asleep. Good luck!Comment
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Hi Momof4
I had the same problem a few years ago; I wanted to take my son to counselling, but my ex was refusing to sign the papers. I got a court order stating that my kids were to be allowed to go to counselling, and would need to follow the counsellor's treatment. In my case, it was worth the (small) fight for that court order. I believe it is even considered a "health care" issue for mental health. I don`t believe any reasonnable judge would refuse a parent`s request to offer any kind of health care to their child. Refusing such care is seen as rather bad...
I suppose another option would be to get a written request from your family doctor/pediatrician to enforce or obtain a court order. It`s pretty difficult to counter a "doctor's note".
Best of luck.Comment
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I was planning on taking all of your advice, approaching the school counsellor as well as meeting with my daughters doctor. However both Monday and Wednesday evening my daughter called, extremely distraught as her dad was mad that she had called me, asking me to pick her up after school. Wednesday evening he added that if she continues to want to see me during his week, she would have to choose between living with him full-time or living with me full-time and never seeing her brothers again. Monday evening she was so afraid I called the police as backup for me to go and get her. They said I could not (because of custody order stating every other week) and went to talk to both him and her. They determined she was not at risk and didn't intervene.Originally posted by Suzie View Post
I met her at school Thursday morning and spoke to both her teacher and her principal. Her teacher had noticed a definite change in her all this week, depressed, withdrawn and very tired from lack of sleep. She told the principal what she told me. He was very concerned and arranged for the school counsellor to meet with her today. He assured me she will have ongoing individual counselling with both this counsellor (until school ends) and the one at her next school.
I met with the counsellor this morning. She strongly encouraged me to get a court ordered counsellor as that would be the fastest way to get her ongoing counselling. She will send home information about counselling options and recommendations for her as well. She also committed to meeting with her daily.
I will go to the courthouse Monday to file and serve him. I will hopefully be before a judge Friday of next week.
I have an appointment with her family physician on Wednesday next week. Between the two, I hope to have her in counselling very soon.Originally posted by Suzie View Post
Thank you Suzie and everyone for your informational support!Comment
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When not to see kids in counselling...
Your Social Worker - Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW
http://www.yoursocialworker.com/s-ar...ssessments.htmSeeing children in the midst of a parental custody and/or access dispute is tricky business. It must be understood that seeing children on the basis of a one-sided request, particularly if unknown to the other parent, can actually cause more harm then good.
Good Luck!The other strategy for gaining a one-sided assessment is to approach the family physician or community mental health clinic or even child protection agency (CAS) and ask for help or counselling for a child in distress.
TaykenComment
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Thank you for the articles Tayken and this is very much my concern as well. One of the articles states:
To this end, and by the truly initiated counselor, there might actually be a refusal to meet with the children in favour of first meeting with both parents.
I would very much like this approach, as the counselor truly needs to see both parents where they are at.
Ideally, I would like my ex to seek counselling. I don't want my kids to not see their father, as a matter of fact I have always encouraged it. However, their being coerced and now threatened by him, this has to stop. How is this best done??Comment
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Can you request for OCL to be involved? They will meet with the child at her school, speak to her teacher/doctor... then meet with her at your home as well as at her dad's home. That report might help your situation.Comment
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I am new to this forum, what does OCL mean HappyDays?Comment
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Office of the Children's Lawyer.
I'm not sure which province you're in or if it is called something different where you are...Comment
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Alberta and we don't have anything like that here, that I know of. I have contacted legal aid and they said a lawyer has to be court appointed to a child, I can't just obtain one for her (even though she has requested a lawyer). I am waiting to hear back from them now. Child Services was called when the police responded. This is a given when police are called in a domestic dispute. They were completely ineffective in protecting my kids before, so I don't see that changing.Comment
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We don't have OCL here in Alberta (we are like 20 years behind Ontario when it comes to supporting children). I talked to both a lawyer and my daughters physician today. Her physician can refer her, but her dad still has to sign consent with that route. So she wrote a letter stating my daughters need for evidence. The lawyer recommended I go through Family Law and file an application as a judge will not stand in the way of granting counselling to a child. Sooo... I am off to the courthouse tomorrow, yay!Comment
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Did you ask ex in writing if he will agree to counselling? I wouldn't go to the court house until:
- you tell him that you have a referral from a doctor that daughter needs counselling
- provide him with name, address, phone number of doctor and copy of letter
- you ask him to consent and provide his reply in writing within 72 hours. Further I would say that if he doesn't respond in 72 hours, you will take his silence as his agreement that you can proceed with the counselling information you provided him.
- you provide him with a name and contact number for an agency able to provide this counselling in addition to the cost/his percentage
- allow him to suggest a different agency for counselling if he doesn't agree with the one you provided.
You don't want to file with the court and then he says "Oh, she never even told me that she had a letter from the doctor...." You need his refusal in writing, in my opinion, and then you can go forward.
I am not saying you shouldn't take this to court, just protect the fact that you have to "jointly" make this decision.Last edited by SadAndTired; 06-19-2013, 07:50 PM.Comment
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