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  • X keeps telling my 14yr old she can decide on her own

    Picking up kids hopefully tomorrow. X tells my 14yr old who texts me that she is old enough to decide and tells me she doesn't want to see me.

    I'm really getting tired of this.

    I email my X that I filed the separation agreement into court. I tell her I'm picking up the kids, have them ready and I will meet her at Tim Horton's. If she doesn't show up with the kids, I'm going to the Police with agreement in hand.

    I emailed X also telling her about her DOCUMENTED pattern for denied access (hopefully this will get her through her head). I just want access.
    X emails me and tells me she can't wait to talk to the judge to tell him all the issues I have caused her. Don't think she gets.

    How do I get my 14yr old to understand this is between me and their mom and that I have parenting access and that I am not the bad dad my X plays me out to be. They live with her and am subject to her constant on-going drama.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Pippi123 View Post
    Picking up kids hopefully tomorrow. X tells my 14yr old who texts me that she is old enough to decide and tells me she doesn't want to see me.
    1. The other parent should not be discussing this matter with the children no matter what age they are.

    2. At 14 a judge will consider the opinions of the child but, will more than likely order OCL to investigate or a section 30 to insure that this is not the result of Hostile Aggressive Parenting (HAP).

    Originally posted by Pippi123 View Post
    I'm really getting tired of this.
    Many parents are. The courts do very little to support family situations and only provide methods to make situations worse not better. There is no help from the health care system either to resolve this type of potential Hostile Aggressive Parenting (child abuse).

    Originally posted by Pippi123 View Post
    I email my X that I filed the separation agreement into court. I tell her I'm picking up the kids, have them ready and I will meet her at Tim Horton's. If she doesn't show up with the kids, I'm going to the Police with agreement in hand.
    Unless there is an enforcement order there is nothing you can do. The police do not get involved in matters of custody and access unless there is a specific clause for them to do so. Your only choice is to prepare and file a contempt motion against the current agreement and bring the matter before the family court.

    Originally posted by Pippi123 View Post
    I emailed X also telling her about her DOCUMENTED pattern for denied access (hopefully this will get her through her head). I just want access.
    Don't make idol threats like this. Stick to the facts, provide the cogent evidence to the other parent, raise your issues and keep to the facts of when and where the access was supposed to happen. Organize your thoughts and keep the emotional reasoning out of the argument.


    Originally posted by Pippi123 View Post
    X emails me and tells me she can't wait to talk to the judge to tell him all the issues I have caused her. Don't think she gets.
    Whatever "emotional" issues the other parent is experiencing it is a projection of blame unless there is cogent evidence to miss conduct for the other parent to say this. Judges do not listen to emotional reasoning, emotional facts and emotional drivel. They listen to facts and cogent evidence. Whatever "issues" you have caused if there is no cogent evidence to the intent to cause psychological harm in your actions it is the other parent's responsibility for their emotional state and mental health. Do not let yourself become the target of blame for the other parent.

    Originally posted by Pippi123 View Post
    How do I get my 14yr old to understand this is between me and their mom and that I have parenting access and that I am not the bad dad my X plays me out to be. They live with her and am subject to her constant on-going drama.
    You seek out an order for an investigation by either a Section 30 access evaluator or the OCL. Someone with a clinical background who can work with both parents and the children to determine their best interests. Access denials are serious and Hostile Aggressive Parenting which can lead to Parental Alienation Syndrome is even more dangerous.

    Do not discuss the matter with your daughter. Stick to the facts around your access time, be there to get your children and when the other parent fails to do so, document the failure and make a motion in Family Court and request an evaluation under Section 30 of the CLRA or the OCL (Office of the Children's Lawyer). You can also recommend that a qualified mediator work with the children to determine their "best interests". Some judges will go for this option as well.

    Good Luck!
    Tayken

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