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  • Fighting for shared

    My ex and I are currently in mediation. We have two children both under the age of 8. I am requesting shared parenting time. She will not give up anything more than 38%. She has carefully calculated the time so that it does not fall under the 60/40 bracket. I was after more blocks of time with my kids as they very close by and I am able to bring them to school on the nights I have them. She would not budge on giving me an additional night and says its because they need routine and to wake up in her home for the start of the week to go off to school. She also states that because the children are so young, that they require this routine that another night is too much. Right now I get two hours for dinners on Sundays and I want over nights as its too much back and forth for the children. Children adapt and they have never had a hard time adjusting to over nights at my house.
    She has stated that she will drop mediation and fight me in court if I try to get shared custody.

  • #2
    There is a wealth of information on this forum about 50/50 time. You should definitely do a search and read through what many of the senior posters have said.

    If your ex is refusing to budge then you need to file a motion as soon as possible. Waiting and trying to change her mind in mediation only sets up a status quo. Kids over the age of breast feeding are perfectly able to be in a shared custody situation. Your ex can pound sand.

    Comment


    • #3
      Our mediated schedule is active but we have not signed off on our agreement yet. We went ahead with the new schedule as it was much better but I had originally agreed to the one less over night because I thought it would cost way more than I can afford to fight in court and the headaches of this stress. I just want time with my kids and she wont give that extra because of anger and I believe, finances from my CS.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by HardWorkingDad View Post
        We went ahead with the new schedule as it was much better but I had originally agreed to the one less over night because I thought it would cost way more than I can afford to fight in court and the headaches of this stress.
        You agreed to less time which was your first mistake. You will have costs to fight this. Are you prepared for these costs now?

        I just want time with my kids and she wont give that extra because of anger and I believe, finances from my CS.

        Offer her full table cs in addition to more time and see what she says.

        Either way you are going to pay something.

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        • #5
          I haven't signed any agreement yet as we are still in mediation. I had agreed reluctantly but after seeing the kids for the last month, I know they would be fine with the extra time.




          Originally posted by rockscan View Post
          You agreed to less time which was your first mistake. You will have costs to fight this. Are you prepared for these costs now?







          Offer her full table cs in addition to more time and see what she says.

          Either way you are going to pay something.

          I would be I believe she would still not go for this.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by HardWorkingDad View Post
            I am requesting shared parenting time. She will not give up anything more than 38%. She has carefully calculated the time so that it does not fall under the 60/40 bracket.
            What is the current arrangement and how is she calculating 38%? If she is not willing to budge then it looks like you will need to go to court to gain a more shared arrangement.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by newlifenewme View Post
              What is the current arrangement and how is she calculating 38%? If she is not willing to budge then it looks like you will need to go to court to gain a more shared arrangement.

              On her weekends, I get them over nights on Wednesday & Thursday. Then they come back for 2hrs on her Sunday. When its my weekends, I get them for Wednesday overnights.


              My advice has told me that I should propose a parental mediator to discuss a good 50/50 arrangement by my ex refuses to budge stating the age of the kids and how they need routine and a 50/50 would make them always travelling. My counsel also told me I need to make arguments for why my children need more time with me.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by HardWorkingDad View Post
                She has stated that she will drop mediation and fight me in court if I try to get shared custody.
                Then make an offer to settle with a 50-50 residency (access) schedule and joint custody. Then follow up with a motion for exactly that. Why waste time in mediation if the other party has made it clear that mediation won't work.

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                • #9
                  Our current schedule is EOW with 2 weekday over nights on her weekends and one weekday over night leading upto my weekend. We came up with this in mediation (currently still happening and have yet to sign). Having tried this for a month, the week leading up to my weekend is very little parenting time for me with the kids. Before all this, our old schedule had me seeing the kids everyday, twice a day (morning wake ups/readying for school and daycare) and back in evening to take them out for a few hrs. The reason why this stopped and we moved to this new schedule is because it had shared parenting time. I would be at my ex's house for 1 to 1.5hrs on Sundays and some week nights. We had originally tried this as we wanted our kids to have as much time with us as possible. We learned that we couldn't keep doing this and moved to mediation (my insistence).
                  My parenting time with our kids is Wednesday/Thursday leading to my ex's weekends with 2 hrs at mine for dinner on her Sundays after which they go back to her house for over night to start school and daycare on monday. Then just Wednesday over nights leading upto my weekends.
                  I'm asking for Tuesday over nights to be added on the weeks leading up to her weekends. She has stated that because our kids are so young they need stability and need to start school week in her home. I'm giving her that benefit of the doubt with asking for the Tuesday to be added.
                  My Q is, if she refuses after I suggest a "without prejudice" 6 month trial of this new schedule and then suggesting a parental mediator, how likely will a judge give me more access to my kids? Is it worth filing a motion or am I looking at a judge saying I have enough time and she is right about not having kids over more. Given that our new schedule has already shown that my youngest who is 2.5 was already able to adapt and transition with out issue to the weekday over nights.

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                  • #10
                    By "we came up" with the current schedule, by that I mean she refused every other one proposed.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by HardWorkingDad View Post
                      By "we came up" with the current schedule, by that I mean she refused every other one proposed.
                      Your agreement if in writing has set a status quo and you are going to be stuck. Janus will be by later to explain it all and remind everyone on this forum that you should never agree to something like this.

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                      • #12
                        I didnt sign anything yet. We are still bound by our old agreement but forgo it due to shared parenting time.
                        It has only been 1 month of this new unofficial one.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by HardWorkingDad View Post
                          I had originally agreed to the one less over night because I thought it would cost way more than I can afford to fight in court and the headaches of this stress.
                          I'm losing track.

                          Do you have a signed agreement giving you less than 50% or not?

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                          • #14
                            Our standing agreement is shared in no written terms. I am with the kids every day minus one but evenings were shared time. We decided to go to mediation to form a better schedule as the current one posed issue with our shared time. We came up with a better arrangement where I could have over nights and EOW but it is not official yet. We only started it a month ago while we continued to mediate.
                            I'm about to go back and propose 50 50.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              So you currently have 50% of the overnights?

                              Comment

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