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  • Adult children moved with paying parent

    Hi everyone,
    I need to have a court order modified for child support and I don't know where to begin. My ex and I have four kids together (11, 19, 20 and 21) and at the time the court order was established, all four were living with her, that was in 2015 but much has changed since then. The three oldest have been attending university in a different city for a few years and were living on their own but two months ago I moved to the same city and they all moved in with me. I am still paying her child support for all four and she always said she wanted me to keep paying until they were done university but now that they are living with me she says she does not want to pay for them but insists I should keep paying for the youngest who is still living with her. My question is, should she be paying me for three and me for one? I tried talking to her saying that I don’t want her to pay me cs for the three and I don’t pay her for the one so this way we avoid having a useless fight, I think that is fair but she refuses. I don’t know what I should do in this situation. I can’t afford a lawyer and I don’t know which form I have to fill to have the court order modified.

  • #2
    There is a lot to unpack in this. Before I weigh in, what were you doing for expenses while the kids were away and how long have they been living with you and how long away from her?

    Comment


    • #3
      Our oldest daughter 21 left her mom's house to move in with me 4 hours away in february of 2019. She dropped out of her third year in university but is now enrolled to start again in the fall in a different school since we now live 8 hours away from the mom.


      Our son, 20, just finished his third year of university and will start his fourth this year. He has been living away on his own for the past three years but now lives with me.


      Our Daughter, 19, has been living away from home for the last school year and is starting her second year this fall. She was living with her brother in an appartment last year but moved in with me in june.


      I have been paying the amount of child support that was required on the 2015 court order but no special expenses. Also the mom has not been helping any of the three financially eventhough they were not living with her for all this time instead just pocketed the cs payments while the children have been living of of their personal savings and OSAP.

      Comment


      • #4
        Ok then you are going to need to put together some charts and calculations.

        First you will file a motion to change which in Ontario is a 15A. In the motion to change you are seeking to stop support for the three oldest as to the date they went away to school. You calculate it as four months of support (for the summer) for the year. It would be best to do a chart for each kid showing what was owed, what was paid and what the overpayment is.

        Next do a chart for the youngest since the 2015 order showing what was owed, what was paid and what is outstanding.

        Then do a chart for school expenses and show the breakdown as tuition, books, living expenses totaled; subtract their grants; subtract 1/3 for the kids portion; split the remaining proportionate to income. The chart will have kids portion, dads portion, moms portion.

        These will all be back up.

        Within your motion to change you will list the dates of the change and total amounts owing/paid by all parties. You will also make VERY CLEAR what your ex should have been paying for the kids’ expenses and that she continued to collect child support with no payments for the kids expenses.

        Your ask is to have cs stopped immediately as the offset for the middle two will take care of the youngest. You will also ask to have the cs paid to her applied to the kids expenses (as in she needs to pay them!) and have her ordered to pay a portion of the kids expenses going forward.

        This case has a lot of complicated calculations and overpayment of support but no expenses. A judge will get confused which is why you need to do the work for them.

        Comment


        • #5
          Before you go to court, do the calculation that rockscan suggested and then email your ex to ask for the payments to change. Judges usually will backdate support changes to the day that the request was made, so the sooner you do this request, the sooner it will take effect.

          Remember, she doesn't have to agree, you just have to ask for it.

          Comment


          • #6
            I get the feeling that they already had communication about changing support but yes ask again.

            The other thing I would suggest is provide her with the charts and tell her if she doesn’t agree to stop support you will seek repayment of the funds to the kids for their expenses in addition to court costs.

            Comment


            • #7
              Thanks a lot for your answers. Yes we have had communications about changing the support payments by texts and also over the phone but she won't listen. I wanted to resolve this civilly but all she says is that she will wait for me to serve her because she knows I can't afford a lawyer. I will do the calculations and send it to her as Janus suggested. One more thing is in order to do some of the calculations I would need to know her income, is there a certain form I have to send her to show me her financial information?

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Decorruby View Post
                One more thing is in order to do some of the calculations I would need to know her income, is there a certain form I have to send her to show me her financial information?
                Just make an assumption that is almost certainly higher than her true income. So, for example, if you think she makes between 70k-90k, you tell her...

                "Well, assuming your income is $110k (unless you have documentation that shows otherwise) I made the following calculations."

                Comment


                • #9
                  You can also self rep on this. My husband had a lawyer but I did a lot of the math and calculations and he simply wrote the briefs and sat in court. His ex self repped and she would have been successful if her argument wasn’t so unreasonable. Your argument is clear, the calculations are what makes it confusing.

                  Did you not get income info from her in 2015 when you did the other order? Can you estimate her income and inflate as per janus? She will have to provide proof of her income in her response document so you can tailor your calcs that way. Inflate her income and then she will be pressed to provide proof.

                  Another way to determine would be the kids osap applications. Did they use their mom’s income in the application or yours?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Yes I had her income info in 2015 but she has changed job since but I will look at the OSAP applications to give me an idea. Do I also have to file form 15 along with form 15A? Also, in order to do the calculations for each child, I guess I cannot calculate each one as 25% of the child support amount? I know I have a lot of questions but this is not something I know much about so I appreciate all your answers

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Decorruby View Post
                      Do I also have to file form 15 along with form 15A?
                      Yes and also a financial statement form 13.

                      Also, in order to do the calculations for each child, I guess I cannot calculate each one as 25% of the child support amount?
                      Use the tables. Calculate four kids and then three kids. Subtract the amounts and that gives you the monthly amount for kid 1. That monthly amount multiply by four and divide by 12. That is your monthly amount.

                      For example: four kids table is $1200 per month; three kids table is $1000 per month; $200 x 4 is $800 / 12 is $67 so the total monthly support while 1 kid is away is $1067 for that (those) year(s). Clear?

                      Thats for support though. Section 7 will be different.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        When you say kid 1, do you mean the youngest? Also, I cannot understand how the total monthly support in the example comes up to $1067. I tried many different calculations but none of which come up to this amount.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          No kid 1 is the oldest.

                          Use the online tables. Put your income in (mine was a hypothetical) and number of children. To figure out the difference when kid 1 went away, you subtract the monthly amount for three kids from four kids. Then take that amount (the difference) and multiply by four and divide by 12. That is the average monthly amount for the oldest.

                          Repeat this for two kids when second oldest went away etc.

                          For current situation, you calculate what the monthly support is for the kids eligible with you based on your estimated income for you ex and subtract that amount from what you owe her for one kid. If she owes you, you use that.

                          Comment

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