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Dad had his settlement conference this past Thursday. He filed a motion to change, asking to set aside their current useless "reasonable access" order, and have a detailed parenting plan, with provisions for specified access put in place.
Mom had maintained since June 2014, that she wouldn't agree to a specified access schedule or any of the other provisions that Dad was proposing. Dad maintained that it was necessary. Mom and Dad have had issues with everything from physical access, section 7 expenses, etc. etc..
At the case conference, the Judge said to Mom that sometimes parents need a specified plan put in place and that what Dad was asking for, seemed reasonable. What Mom must've heard, was something other than what the Judge said, because she still maintained her position and was not budging.
Mom emailed Dad a few weeks before the SC and said that she would agree to incorporating a few of Dad's proposed provisions into their current court order, and the remainder of his provisions, she would agree to putting them down on paper, but not having them court ordered.
...because she has no intention on adhering to them and she doesn't want to suffer the consequences when she continues to make a**h*** decisions.
Dad wouldn't agree to this.
I believe Mom and Dad were the first to appear in front of the Judge that morning, and the judge didn't seem to be in the greatest of moods. He started off with a quick speech about foster children, and how there are so many of them out there without a family and without a home, and here's Mom and Dad who can't agree on, what in comparison, would be the simplest of issues. He basically gave them both a good back-hand and then sent them out one last time to mediation. He said that whatever they couldn't agree on, he would be more than happy to decide for them.
Prior to going into mediation, Dad and I sat down for 10 minutes and worked through what he felt was absolutely necessary to hold onto, and which of his proposed provisions he could live without, if any. Out of 55 provisions, Dad let go of maybe 8, that he decided were ultimately fluff and couldn't really be court enforced, anyhoo. While they waited for the mediator to call on them, Mom and Dad then sat down together and went through what was left. Mom was now agreeing to several of Dad's provisions, that she didn't agree with before. Good start!
The mediator said that they only had two hours available to them, but she ended up seeing to them for 4 hours. By the time they walked out, Mom had agreed to maybe 95% of Dad's provisions.
Maybe 10 minutes before they're in front of the Judge again, Mom asks Dad if he'll talk to her with the mediator for a minute. When they come out, 99% of the proposed provisions have been agreed to. WOW!
Now back in front of the Judge, he seems rather pleased with them. The Judge verifies with them which of the provisions they still cannot agree on. Both Mom and Dad agree to allow the Judge to make the final decisions on
the remainder. The Judge tells them to write down their reasons for wanting, or in Mom's case, for not wanting the last of the proposed provisions, and to file them with the court by the middle of next month. That he will review them and make his final decision.
Now, Mom and Dad are exhausted at this point, they're on their 8th hour. Neither of them think to ask, how does this work, exactly. I'm guessing they file they're reasons by way of affidavit?...And then what? Would they then book a another SC with the Judge where he will render his final decision?
Really, I just wanted to put this down, to tell someone. These last few
years have been pretty rough, for everyone. There have been countless sleepless nights and a lot of tears have been shed. Mine and Dad's relationship has been tested through and through. I'm sure there will be more stressful times ahead, but I think that this specified plan will be so beneficial to all of us, most importantly, D8 and her relationship with her Father. I think a lot of the arguing back and forth will be greatly minimized. Every holiday schedule, special day, and exchange times are mapped out, phone access is mapped out, how Mom and Dad will communicate, RESPs, medical/dental, post-secondary education expenses, travel, etc. etc. has been mapped out...
I'd like to believe that Mom will adhere to these provisions. Only time will tell. We will work out the last of the few details sometime this week. But for now, we will exhale.
Again, if anyone has any idea on how we proceed, please do tell. As I said, Mom and Dad were both done for into the 8th hour. Neither of them thought to ask how and when the Judge will render his final decision on the remainder.
Mom had maintained since June 2014, that she wouldn't agree to a specified access schedule or any of the other provisions that Dad was proposing. Dad maintained that it was necessary. Mom and Dad have had issues with everything from physical access, section 7 expenses, etc. etc..
At the case conference, the Judge said to Mom that sometimes parents need a specified plan put in place and that what Dad was asking for, seemed reasonable. What Mom must've heard, was something other than what the Judge said, because she still maintained her position and was not budging.
Mom emailed Dad a few weeks before the SC and said that she would agree to incorporating a few of Dad's proposed provisions into their current court order, and the remainder of his provisions, she would agree to putting them down on paper, but not having them court ordered.
...because she has no intention on adhering to them and she doesn't want to suffer the consequences when she continues to make a**h*** decisions.
Dad wouldn't agree to this.
I believe Mom and Dad were the first to appear in front of the Judge that morning, and the judge didn't seem to be in the greatest of moods. He started off with a quick speech about foster children, and how there are so many of them out there without a family and without a home, and here's Mom and Dad who can't agree on, what in comparison, would be the simplest of issues. He basically gave them both a good back-hand and then sent them out one last time to mediation. He said that whatever they couldn't agree on, he would be more than happy to decide for them.
Prior to going into mediation, Dad and I sat down for 10 minutes and worked through what he felt was absolutely necessary to hold onto, and which of his proposed provisions he could live without, if any. Out of 55 provisions, Dad let go of maybe 8, that he decided were ultimately fluff and couldn't really be court enforced, anyhoo. While they waited for the mediator to call on them, Mom and Dad then sat down together and went through what was left. Mom was now agreeing to several of Dad's provisions, that she didn't agree with before. Good start!
The mediator said that they only had two hours available to them, but she ended up seeing to them for 4 hours. By the time they walked out, Mom had agreed to maybe 95% of Dad's provisions.
Maybe 10 minutes before they're in front of the Judge again, Mom asks Dad if he'll talk to her with the mediator for a minute. When they come out, 99% of the proposed provisions have been agreed to. WOW!
Now back in front of the Judge, he seems rather pleased with them. The Judge verifies with them which of the provisions they still cannot agree on. Both Mom and Dad agree to allow the Judge to make the final decisions on
the remainder. The Judge tells them to write down their reasons for wanting, or in Mom's case, for not wanting the last of the proposed provisions, and to file them with the court by the middle of next month. That he will review them and make his final decision.
Now, Mom and Dad are exhausted at this point, they're on their 8th hour. Neither of them think to ask, how does this work, exactly. I'm guessing they file they're reasons by way of affidavit?...And then what? Would they then book a another SC with the Judge where he will render his final decision?
Really, I just wanted to put this down, to tell someone. These last few
years have been pretty rough, for everyone. There have been countless sleepless nights and a lot of tears have been shed. Mine and Dad's relationship has been tested through and through. I'm sure there will be more stressful times ahead, but I think that this specified plan will be so beneficial to all of us, most importantly, D8 and her relationship with her Father. I think a lot of the arguing back and forth will be greatly minimized. Every holiday schedule, special day, and exchange times are mapped out, phone access is mapped out, how Mom and Dad will communicate, RESPs, medical/dental, post-secondary education expenses, travel, etc. etc. has been mapped out...
I'd like to believe that Mom will adhere to these provisions. Only time will tell. We will work out the last of the few details sometime this week. But for now, we will exhale.
Again, if anyone has any idea on how we proceed, please do tell. As I said, Mom and Dad were both done for into the 8th hour. Neither of them thought to ask how and when the Judge will render his final decision on the remainder.
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