I signed now am I stuck?

[Ihave2kidsIcannotsee]

I recently went to court and as my ex put in a motion to change support. We were there form 11:00 till 5:00pm and I felt pressured by the judge and the children's lawyer to sign a statement that stated I would not pursue my access rights and leave it up to the children to decide to see me when they wanted to. I believe my ex has bad mouthed me every chance she has to my children so I wanted to have a psychologist become involved to see if this is indeed happening am I stuck to what I signed now I wish I had not signed it I was just so tired of the pressure and I guess I cracked I did not have a lawyer at the time do you think I could plead that I had no legal coucsil and didn't know what I was signing at the time? or am I just stuck and unable to pursue this issue now? Please any help would be appreciated. I wish I was a lawyer or my wife was then I would not be in this mess.

[About_Time]

I'd like to be optimistic here, but you are probably screwed. If you accepted the agreement before a judge and signed the document, they will hold you to it. If you try to get out of it by saying that you felt pressured and had no lawyer, they will simply say that you should have BROUGHT a lawyer or asked for more time to review the agreement or whatever.

The upside to the agreement is that if you make some headway in your relationship with the kids, then your ex is limited in her ability to stop them seeing you if they want. Concentrate on repairing and improving that relationship and from now on, don't sign ANYTHING you aren't 100% sure about.

[copper]

Was there an access agreement already in place? If so, why would this need to be changed? What are the childrens ages?

Is this possibly a case of parental alienation shown against you by your ex and the children (the bad mouthing etc) or are the children now old enough to make their own descision as to wether they visit you?

You state that there was a children's lawyer involved in the case. They do not usually get involved unless they feel there is a good case or reason.

As we don't know the full circumstances it is difficult to give good advice.

[Ihave2kidsIcannotsee]

My Ex stopped allowing me access in 2004 I went to pick up the children and she would not let me have them my daughter was waving at me from the front window so I know she was happy to see me. since then I have tried numerous times to gain access but she refused to let the children come with me. I started dating my girlfriend in 2004 and since that time she started not allowing me to see the children I remarried in 2006 without my children present. My new wife phoned her to find out what was wrong and why the children did not want to see me she put my 8 year old daughter on the phone and she told my wife who was my girlfriend at the time that Daddy would not let her have her TV (the TV was bought to stay a my house for when she came down so that she could play her Nintendo games on one TV and her brother could play another TV) then she ended the conversation saying why don't you get married first before living together. My wife was taken back at the fact that a 8 year old was yelling at her about living together, my wife then told my ex "oh that is what you are telling the children hey whether it is true or not" (we were not living together and if we were it was nothing for an 8 year old to be thinking about) My wife then said to my daughter well I hope that one day you will want to see your Daddy, the ex then said to her "how dare you tell a little girl she has to see her Daddy". Anyways the conversation was useless and had my wife crying by the end of it but my ex just yelled at her and slammed the phone down. There is no reason for my children not wanting to see me. I asked the children's lawyer to become involved because I wanted to know if the children were being brainwashed, she of course did nothing but repeat back to the judge my children's wishes. The children's lawyer's are not learned in psychology and therefore did nothing to dig into the fact that they might be brainwashed. I had no money at the time as I was in financial hardship due to the fact that my company went under and I was still paying support as if I was making 60,000 when I went down to making 25,000. Anyways thats my story. I wish people would understand that when a mother is vendicative and bidder she will do anything she can to hurt the father and she knows that by keeping his children from him she will do so. I am not a criminal I have done nothing wrong I love my children and just want them to see that I am not a monster and that I am not what their mother makes me out to be. They have been manipulated when it comes to their emotions she has taken little things like a tv and twisted it into me not loving them. I am saddened by our courts that they do not care about my children. (I should add that my Son started calling me by my first name and my wifes new spouse is now Daddy, how would you feel about such a thing.)

[Ihave2kidsIcannotsee]

There was an access order in place but it is really old now, and the children do not wish to see me now. It has been too long and they don't know me anymore they only know what my ex tells them about me. I should have fought this earlier when the children still wanted to talk but again I had no money I was loosing my house and could not even pay the outrageous support payments. I am tired of this I just wish she could behave like an adult and stop using the children as pons, I love them and miss them dearly but I can go on with my life my children are the ones that will suffer the most from this as I am certian it will give them problems in life now and later when they are older. Anyways thanks for reading this and I hope you and your children never have to go through what I am.

[dadtotheend]

Ihave2kidsIcannotsee,

Have you looked at this article yet? Please also read the judge's decision, link is there as well.

From what you describe, you would get something out of this for sure.

Edit, link posted:

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...s-courts-3927/

[Ihave2kidsIcannotsee]

I would check out the article but you forgot to post the link!

[Ihave2kidsIcannotsee]

Thanks for the link it is a very interesting read, Seems like the same situation I am in but my problem is the children are a lot older and I have not seen them since 2004 I believe it is really bad now because a lot of the time they did spend with me was so long ago that they will not have a clear recollection of it anymore. I just hope and pray that they still love me and one day they will want to see me again. I will not give up hope, I have contact my children through their facebook profiles to let them know I still love them and miss them and hopefully this will be enough for them realize that their fears are unfounded. What can I do, if they don't want contact with me how do I show them I am not a monster if I cannot see them I am frustrated.

[paris]

How are your children older than the children in the article? They are ages 9-14. You said your daughter was 8 years old in 2004, so she is 12-13 now? The father in the article was completely cut off from his children, and the mother had turned them against him. The courts gave him full custody.

You already had an access agreement in place, so why were you back in court?

[Ihave2kidsIcannotsee]

I was pulled back into court because my ex thinks I am making more and I am not she want support adjusted and retroactive. Sorry I didn't realize that the children in the article were that old I guess I just missed that or it didn't register on me. I had an access order but the ex did not follow it and denied me access. Even while I had access she played around with it. I had to drive 3 hours to pick my children up every other weekend and if I was more then 1/2 hour late I could not see them and if I was more then 1/2 late dropping them off she would not let me have them the next visit. She never once brought them up here to see me I always had to do the driving, 3 hours to pick them up 3 hours to bring them to my place as she would not allow us to stay at my Dad's place and then 3 hours to bring them home and then 3 hours more to get myself back home it was exhausting and cost me a lot in gas and wear and tare on my cars. She didn't have to help me with those costs or meet me half way nothing and she moved the children away not me.

[dadtotheend]

You need to trust that your children will want a relationship with you when they are old enough to get it. The research shows that they will.

You have to trust, and you HAVE to persevere. Keep up the contact, don't badmouth the other parent. You will be rewarded in the end and you're chidren will be better off for it.

[FL_Needs_To_Change]

I was pulled back into court because my ex thinks I am making more and I am not she want support adjusted and retroactive. Sorry I didn't realize that the children in the article were that old I guess I just missed that or it didn't register on me. I had an access order but the ex did not follow it and denied me access. Even while I had access she played around with it. I had to drive 3 hours to pick my children up every other weekend and if I was more then 1/2 hour late I could not see them and if I was more then 1/2 late dropping them off she would not let me have them the next visit. She never once brought them up here to see me I always had to do the driving, 3 hours to pick them up 3 hours to bring them to my place as she would not allow us to stay at my Dad's place and then 3 hours to bring them home and then 3 hours more to get myself back home it was exhausting and cost me a lot in gas and wear and tare on my cars. She didn't have to help me with those costs or meet me half way nothing and she moved the children away not me.

The more I read your posts the more and more that it sounds just like what happened to my husband.
I am in your wife's shoes, trying desperately to mediate a very bitter situation only to be emotionally drained. My husband has a court order for access, and has been to court many times to explain how ex has manipulated his access or right out denied it. He would drive 6 hours to exercise access only to be told that the daughter didn't feel like it. We tried the psychological assessment route, spent more than $25,000 on doctor fees etc, only for it not to be used in court. Child started calling step dad "my real dad" when she was about 5 or 6. According to the daughter at the time "Mommy said that the man that lives with me is my real dad. I only have to pretend to be a "smith" (Not real name) when I am with you" (talking to her dad). Dad explained that if she was comfortable calling her step dad, "dad" that was great because she couldn't have too many people that loved her. He tried, in language she could understand, to explain that he and her mom made her, so that made him her real dad, and that mom's new husband was her "step dad". That he must love her very much to call her his daughter too, but he was only her step dad, etc. Anyway, everything went down hill from there, dad has not seen his child fin years.
He continued to show up for the next two scheduled access visits without getting access.
He tried contempt of a court order, judge laughed at his attempt.
The letters, the emails continued from dad to daughter. Dad send regular cards of update in the mail just so she’d know how the family was, that he didn’t blame her for anything, that he still loved and cared deeply for her. He would send treats to the class @ Valentines Day and Halloween, etc for the teacher’s to distribute on her behalf. He’d stay in contact with the principals and teachers until the ex made even that impossible. Soon not even the teacher’s would respond to his requests for academic updates which dad is 100% entitled. You see dad’s ex is a lawyer, and has friends in the business to support her, and all judges and lawyers seem to act in her favour regardless of the mountains of evidence.
So the ex sends a bogus order to the school stating dad was NOT permitted to speak to the teachers, nor inquire about the daughter that they were under no circumstances to give him anything regarding the daughter. So we took a copy of the daughters school file including the bogus order that the ex gave to the school to show what she was doing. Again the judge pretty much didn’t give a dam, and nothing came of the court date. We had a trial set, but could not get a lawyer to represent dad. Then the ex’s lawyer manipulated an email from Dad to get an order in place before the trial date. We had proceed expecting to self rep. When we called the court about something relating to the trial process, we were told the trial was cancelled by the other party. The secretary even provided us the documents. We started a motion for fraudulent document manipulation for the purpose of a court order. We provided all the original emails and correspondence and a hand writing analysis of the documents to show that a dad did not sign anything that these were all forged. Again dad was laughed at in court. The judge told dad that he would do well not to force the child to do anything she wasn’t comfortable with and gave no regard what so ever to the facts that we were there for, the lies and the false documents. Anyway, dad was steam rolled in family court. To this day we pray that the daughter will one day want to know answers to questions and come looking for them. We hope the FL system changes so this NEVER happens to another father or non-custodial parent. I know in my heart that the daughter was brain washed to believe the things she does. I know this is a standard case of PAS, but we had no chance in court. This is a sad ending to realize I know, but it happens and I know from the many posts that we are the only one’s in this kind of situation. When you have a bitter ex, there is nothing that is going to matter. We went bankrupt; we lost everything fighting to have the basic rights of a parent. Dad is still emotionally traumatized, and counselling doesn’t make a difference, dad said that this must be what it feels like to have a child die, except his child is alive, but he cannot hold her or talk to her, or anything and not because of anything he did, and that’s the painful part. He loves her so much and is an absolutly wonderful dad to the two kids we have. People talk about rights and laws, and just and unjust, and about doing "what ever it takes". But how much is everything? We lost literally everything, not only were we finacnialluy drained we were emotionally drained as well. We are talking about the family law system here, and I know first hand being the second wife after being the wife of an abuser that was also raked over the coals in FL court, that there is no fairness when the parties cannot agree. As long as the split is amicable things can be worked out, but if the ex is bitter heaven help ya!

Sorry about the length peple, I didn't mean to ramble I was just moved by the posts of Ihave2kidsIcannotsee and the similarities I'm sure many share.
My prayer's are with you!

[dovan]

I asked the children's lawyer to become involved because I wanted to know if the children were being brainwashed, she of course did nothing but repeat back to the judge my children's wishes. The children's lawyer's are not learned in psychology and therefore did nothing to dig into the fact that they might be brainwashed.

Unfortunately this happens alot with parens both men and woman and I understand that this is very difficult for on you. There are two types of ways the OCL gets involved by way of a Lawyer representing the children and the other is a clinical investigator. The lawyer is simply a Lawyer in the communicate that practices family law.
The clinical investigator is a social worker, that does a series of investigations and well as collects collatarel information form the doctors, teachers, parents and one else that is in the children's lives. The investigation usually takes about 3-6 months depending on how much information they need to collect. Usually they will file their report with the court with recommendations.

There is a time line that you can appeal the decision of the OCL by way of written letter to them I believe that time line is 30 from the date they conclude their involvement. Here is link to their site Ministry of the Attorney General - The Office of the Children's Lawyer

[Ihave2kidsIcannotsee]

Thats funny because no one asked me anything about the children so I don't think they did an investigation.

[dadtotheend]

You would know if the OCL did an investigation as you would have been heavily involved.