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  • Say yes I agree, send an adjusted schedule and present the access is 50/50 and place it into the coms. book. More time less exchanges is great for D4.

    Hair cuts etc....you are a custodial parent and you have the right to care for D4. So go get D4 hair cut and styled. Let OP bring this to trail and see the judge give her a reality check.

    Comment


    • Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
      Fellow poster's .. advice pls.

      Ex now says she is no longer driving. We have shared driving historically with the exception of the summer. I said I'd help out with most the driving for the summer (only the summer) since I was on holiday.
      In regards to Pick up's and drop off's, I have been advised that I don't have to do either as it is your access time with D4 that you requested therefore you are responsible for doing both the pick ups and drop off's. I tried to help out for the past 6-7 months. I was doing most the pick up's drop off's with the exception of Friday night pick up's as you were unable to do them. Gas alone has been very costly. I discussed this with my lawyer and he tells me that I am within my rights to ask that you do them. Like I stated before, if you are unable to make the times now as they are, we can adjust them to better fit your schedule. I hope this is sufficient enough for you
      She now said she is not required to drive and will no longer do any pick up's drop off's. She told me to adjust my schedule for when employment recommences to accommodate all my trips to her place. (meaning reduce my access)

      I am not in agreement with this. I feel that we can both continue to do our pickup's. I can pick up D4 at her place on Wed's and Fridays and ex can pick up D4 here on Monday's and Thursday's.

      Now .. a) how to address this to her in a way that she doesn't scream aggression/controlling/abusive in court. b) What happens if she decides not to do her pickup to prove a point?

      I just want to make sure I make the right move here.

      Custody is not decided .. sharing driving, as we've done historically would be equal and fair to the both if us.
      Does the interim agreement say anything about who does pickup and dropoff?

      You can't let her manipulate you, or set you up. Just reply back that your own research tells you that it is both fair and typical for each parent to do the pick up to begin their access time. You tried to be cooperative for her during the summer but now you have to hold firm. You expect her to be waiting with the child at the usual time/spot for you to pickup for your access, and for her to come get the child herself at the usual time/spot for her access. It is not one parent doing both pickup and dropoff for their access while the other one is special. It is BOTH parents doing pickups for their parenting time and sharing the travel. Point out that with an equal 50-50 2-2-5 schedule, there would be fewer exchanges to use up her gas, and you would be open to that option, as always. Point out that if the child goes to JK in a couple of weeks (is she still registered?) all exchanges can be done through the school and her gas problem will be solved.

      If she refuses to do her pickup, enjoy the extra time with your daughter. It's not YOU denying HER access, though she'll probably try to spin it that way. Also be wary of her not providing the child if you haven't promised to do dropoff, as I recall a thread about happening here, and document her denials of access.

      As for the haircut thing, unfortunately, I think this is a lesser battle that you should avoid. Just tell your daughter that there are so many things planned that you doubt there will be time for a haircut, and then keep her busy. Don't even acknowledge your ex's note about the hair. Then do haircuts as often as you like once you have a final order.

      Now you have two more clauses to add to your Offer to Settle and request be included in a judge's order.

      Comment


      • I have learned the hard way not to make generous offers. They usually get used against me. Probably you offering to do extra driving this summer was a mistake.

        Comment


        • The time is relatively short for a Trial

          The number of pickups/drop-offs will be minor (7 a month? extra)

          Goldilocks wants to pick a fight in a wishy washy grey area that means nothing at Trial.

          That's what a hostile party does (a losing one)....try to drag the OP to their level......So a Judge doesn't know what to think (they both love fighting)

          This isn't about spending a day at Trial on pick-ups/drop-offs......it's only one POINT of many LF32 has in his basket.

          LF32 already has all the GOODIES on the denial of sharing the access trips...(nice to get more) to show Goldilocks is just plain hostile.

          It's only an issue if he helps her make it one.

          LF32 is working on 3 or 4 more other items RIGHT NOW and all have been rejected or delayed providing info on by Goldilocks.

          The onus is on Goldilocks to show she's thinking of the child's best interests.....she's failed (or is failing everywhere)

          I guarantee if LF32 "complies" eventually with the true aggressor...Goldilocks will pick another issue...and another ..and another...

          Lots of the recent B.S hasn't come from the Legal Aid Scumbag lawyer...it's coming from Goldilocks's dream team of the emotionally damaged....I mean advisors.

          Judges ain't stupid....they've seen types like Goldilocks playing access games ...a zillion times....just like they see LF32 types engage right back in the (her) game....a zillion times. (goes nowhere...round and round)

          Comment


          • Originally posted by MrToronto View Post
            It's only an issue if he helps her make it one.
            Mr T. You don't think I should politely stand my ground a tad on this one?

            I get your point. She's seeking a reaction. She now sees shes been high conflict and is grasping for anything .. to make me look it too .. to get the judge all discombobulated and confused.

            I'm sitting here in front of the log book and have NO idea what I should do.

            So many differing opinions. All markedly different.

            I know what I want to say. I want to let her know that when I recommence work that we will be sharing the driving and any adjustments should reflect a 50/50 scenario .. which is what Ive been seeking fro the get go.

            But what I want to say and what the best thing to say for my case may be quite different.

            Just ignore it? Offer solutions?

            Confused
            Last edited by LovingFather32; 08-26-2015, 10:08 PM.

            Comment


            • Nothing to be confused about....separate "feelings" from Trial

              SAY nothing that will give the OP to use in a rebuttal.

              YOU have a FACT.....fact is Goldilocks doesn't want to share access stuff

              When you engage....it allows OP to point to (a thousand different angles to suit their position) and depending on the level (weeks of round and round bickering)....it could take a long time to END UP AT A DRAW at TRIAL.

              SO if you were at Trial today...right now.....what damage could you do to the OP case?......and what could they come back at you with on that SAME item

              NOTHING....and you GAIN a POINT

              OP isn't that stupid...the more NOTHINGS they get the more likely they will settle.

              DO you actually think.....OP at this juncture figure's it's great idea to stop sharing access pickups? or drop offs?

              No lawyer would suggest that...PERIOD......unless it was a LAO scumbag on a fishing trip....but still if you don't engage it weakens his case AGAIN.
              Last edited by MrToronto; 08-26-2015, 10:25 PM.

              Comment


              • I would ask for more access and leave it at that.
                Specify when/where daughter will be for her to pick her up (no threats).

                Comment


                • I learned to like these terms:

                  I'm SADDENED

                  I'M DISAPPOINTED

                  IT'S REGRETABLE

                  I SINCERELY HOPE

                  (I got a million of them) to fake how I really felt....feels better to drop F-BOMBS..but for some reason it use to hurt my case at Court

                  I evolved into SPOCK (star trek analogy) and you can only get to that level by swimming in the court outhouse choking on the B.S

                  You want to ONE SIDED milk this (whatever issue) cow.

                  GOLDILOCK's could you clarify what not having gas for your car has to do with being unable to do drop-off's or pickup's? Can't you use public transportation, I can meet you.

                  I SINCERLY HOPE we can work this out. (GAG)

                  Comment


                  • Bahhh .. writer's block.

                    I dont want to give the trial judge the impression that I'm already the access parent .. doing all the driving (like an access parent) without saying anything about it ... but dont want to be high conflict or engage. This is ridiculous.

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
                      It almost seems you're damned if you do and damned if you don't because those who really want to will find a way to manipulate the situation to their benefit regardless.
                      Yep. That's how I feel right now.

                      Comment


                      • THen you found your answer, say nothing.

                        You do your pick ups and She does hers. Tell her by text that she is expected to be there for her own pick ups end of story and plan for her not to show.

                        You know that anything you do to help or Op suggests to help you is only to be used against you. Plus its only things that will help her not you.

                        STOP DOING THIS.

                        Both of you are cappable parents and have your own support. Emergencies happen but regular day to day that belongs to each of you. If she cannot do that then she should become an EOW parent.

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by good_mom View Post
                          THen you found your answer, say nothing.

                          You do your pick ups and She does hers. Tell her by text that she is expected to be there for her own pick ups end of story and plan for her not to show.

                          You know that anything you do to help or Op suggests to help you is only to be used against you. Plus its only things that will help her not you.

                          STOP DOING THIS.

                          Both of you are cappable parents and have your own support. Emergencies happen but regular day to day that belongs to each of you. If she cannot do that then she should become an EOW parent.
                          Agree.

                          I was stupid enough to offer to do more of the driving for the summer while I was off work.. I agree with the poster's who said this was a bad idea. I keep trying to be the reasonable, cooperative one.

                          In the comm. book I actually chose to ignore it. I wrote that I believed that it would be more appropriate if topic's like this were discussed via e-mail in order to keep the log book child-focused and for day-to-day issues.

                          I did add that my research told me that it is both fair and typical for each parent to do their respective pick up to begin their access time.

                          And left it at that.

                          My lawyer suggests I send an e-mail and cc her on it.

                          She says I requested access so I need to do the driving. Makes me sound like some distant relative or a babysitter. I have been entitled access from the beginning .. she stole that access .. that parenting time. Nearly a year.

                          And D4 told me yesterday that ex told her she can sleep alone in her bed in March? What the hell does that mean? Why March? Why cant she sleep alone now like at my place?

                          I avoided the haircut thing for now. D4 asked for one but we were very busy at the fair, etc. But D4 said "I ask mommy for a haircut and she gets upset" ... just like she gets upset when D4 asks to talk to call me.

                          At what point will she start putting the child first..before her own wants, needs and agenda?

                          Comment


                          • Again haircuts are day to day...make it an outing for both D4 and your gfs D8... get it styled and then take gf and the girls for diner.

                            You need to stand firm and parent without having to get approval every time, what next she sends you a menu, a list of designers that D4 can and cannot wear. Allowing Op to do this shows that you are not able to take on day to day....that leads to EOW.

                            I know it blunt but....big boy pants time LF, time to put them on.

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by good_mom View Post
                              Again haircuts are day to day...make it an outing for both D4 and your gfs D8... get it styled and then take gf and the girls for diner.

                              You need to stand firm and parent without having to get approval every time, what next she sends you a menu, a list of designers that D4 can and cannot wear. Allowing Op to do this shows that you are not able to take on day to day....that leads to EOW.

                              I know it blunt but....big boy pants time LF, time to put them on.
                              Oh I was going to get her haircut goodom. We were at the Capital Fair .. ran outta time. I could care less what ex thinks about a haircut. We're getting one next Wednesday.

                              Ex isn't making it about her. She's saying D4 doesnt want one and that Im forcing it and she will be traumatized. She'll try nd cause an earthquake over it .. using our daughter (gross). I don't care. D4 wants a haircut and its reasonable? Im getting one for her.

                              Comment


                              • When will she set aside her agenda? Never. Get used to it.

                                Comment

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