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  • More motion questions

    Hello,

    I find myself debating about returning to court. I would like to hear your opinion to see if my position is reasonable . It's a long frustrating process and I only want to go through it if it's absolutely necessary.

    We are parents of a 5.5 year old boy. Final consent order made when he was almost 2 . Join custody , 50/50 with a 2-2-3 schedule . Our court order mandates us to work with a parental coordinator who will have the power to make final decisions for us if we don't agree. A year and a half ago we hired a PC to help us choose the school our son would go to - mediation did not work so the PC arbitrated in my favor. Since then the dad does not want to sing any more agreements with any PC. If I want something - he tells me " I can bring a motion" . I did some research and his lack of collaboration and refusal to work with a PC represents a material change in circumstances to vary the final court order.

    The 2-2-3 schedule is very tiring - those who used it know it. You don't have the kid the same days of the week and the kids move every 2/3days . I want to move to 2-2-5-5 so we could have him the same days of the week. Main reason - his extra curricular activities. My ex has unrealistic demands in order for him to take him he needs a dedicated parking space ( street parking is no good) it has to be late for him to do it 1h after work and ideally on his way home. I offered him to switch a year ago - his reply NO kid is too young. I asked again now - same reply too young and used well to the same schedule. So are we to wait until he is 18 to change the schedule?. I found lots of cases where 2-2-5-5 has been ordered for kids over 4. I would like our son to start 2-2-5-5 when he is six. Is it too much to return to court for the access schedule change ? we will continue to have same time share 50/50.

    If we were to return to court I may as well raise the other issues. Summer - Ex is refusing to sign up the child to summer camps unless they are in his neighborhood. He does not care - the kid stays with his parents who are retired. I was able to care for him during my time last year since I was off work but I need to go back to work full time. Summer camps are fun and educational ! Our current order does not talk about summer care except for vacation since the child was in daycare when we signed it.

    Finally if I am to return to court I want to ask for the final decision making authority . I know it's a long shot but I am willing to work with a PC - he is not. If there is no signed PC contract then we have no way to resolve our differences, but to return to court which is long, tiring and expensive. Did anyone have experience having that caveat put into their order ?

    Thank you. Your honest opinion is welcome.

  • #2
    Theres so much to unpack on this that I will simply provide comment on the summer issue.

    Dad doesnt have to do what you want for the summer schedule. HOWEVER...if you need care for your child during your parenting time then it will become a section 7 expense. He will be obligated to pay for care on your time if it is needed for work.

    This may be a part of your offer to settle though. You could provide the cost of care versus the cost of camp and pitch the cheaper alternative. Or you could find an activity near him he would agree to and bite the bullet on travel during your time.

    The bottom line is, if moving to a new schedule is necessary and he refuses to agree then a motion will be required. The real question is, are your requests reasonable? If this schedule change will improve your child’s well being (which is questionable) then it is reasonable. If the change is simply because it helps you and avoids conflict over things you want then it may be unlikely. You will have to go through OCL due to the child’s age and the questions around what is best for the child.

    Comment


    • #3
      Thank you rockscan,

      We had an OCL report back in 2015. The assessor recommended 2/2/3 with a review of the schedule when our son goes to kindergarten ( 1.5 years ago) and potential switch to a week on week off.

      Summer is a big problem since I cannot register my son for only selected days per week . I need to pay for the whole week. I offered to do week on week off during the summer and got a NO again

      Comment


      • #4
        You’ll need to file a motion then as you will need section 7 paid for even if its not used every day. The bottom line is you need care for the days you are working. If the only daycare you can find charges by the week then thats what you have to get. Your ex would be responsible for a portion of it REGARDLESS IF HE USES IT based on these circumstances.

        Your best bet would be to work out what you are requesting, what the costs would be, what you would be seeking from a judge and advise your ex that you will be filing a motion if you cannot come to an agreement.

        OCL would more than likely still be involved because they recommended a review and your ex is not agreeing. Their recommendation is now out of date and there has been a material change in circumstances. You could request it be waived but there are some judges that insist on it based on the ages of some children.

        Comment


        • #5
          I don't think ocl will get involved again since you already have shared custody and are not looking to change it.

          What does your current order say with regards to child care?

          I have week about access, and we were both ordered to be responsible for our own child care, but I totally understand your issue with activities. I hope you can get the new schedule for your child; wish I had it.

          Comment


          • #6
            Thank you for replying StillPaying,

            We have a 2/2/3 two week rotation schedule. No discussion of summer care since at the time the order was made our son was in daycare all year long.
            The main challenge is that all these issues - i.e. changes to the schedule or care arrangement should be dealt through a PC but the Ex does not want to sign up with anyone since he lost arbitration last year.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Mamma View Post
              Is it too much to return to court for the access schedule change?
              I think it is reasonable, you have specific reasons why 2-2-3 is no longer in the best interests of the kids, and there is not change in time percentage.

              If we were to return to court I may as well raise the other issues. Summer - Ex is refusing to sign up the child to summer camps unless they are in his neighborhood. He does not care - the kid stays with his parents who are retired.
              His time, his choice. You can sign kids up to the summer camp of your choice during your time, he can sign them up during his time. Maybe instead of trying to control the summer, just ask for week about time in the summer so that you can sign kid up for camps.

              2-2-3 only really works if the parents get along. You guys do not, so 2-2-3 no longer really works. 2255 can function with much less cooperation.

              Summer camps are fun and educational!
              I agree, you ex does not. He gets to choose during his time, you can choose during your time. Structure your time so you can make that decision.

              Finally if I am to return to court I want to ask for the final decision making authority.
              So, you want sole custody in a shared custody relationship? You are unlikely to pull that one off.


              Motion:

              A) 2255 during the year.
              B) Week about during the summer (explicitly defined in some way, eg. summer starts the Sunday after the last day of school, and ends 8 weeks later)

              ...and that is all. Anything else you will likely lose and you will be throwing away costs.

              Comment


              • #8
                Thank you Janus,

                Week on week off for the summer would be a good solution for me. I just worry that making two schedule changes 2/2/5/5 during school year and week on/off in the summer may be seen as too much change.

                I guess I can offer either option to my Ex.

                The join custody with PC making the final decisions was the recommendation of our assessment in 2015. In her report she said that we had history of disagreement when it comes to decisions and it will likely continue . She was right.

                My lawyer found me a case where refusal to work with a PC as per final order and ongoing conflict let to changing join custody to sole.

                I also found a case where refusal to comply with an agreement to work with a PC gave one parent the final decision making power and to the other the right to challenge those decisions in court.

                Giving a third person ( the PC) the decision making power seemed as a good option considering we have 13 more years of co-parenting but I don't see the Ex agreeing to sign up with anyone again meaning a trip to court every time I want to change something.

                Comment


                • #9
                  I'm a little bit jadded by my own experience. A PC is expensive and you cannot compel someone to participate.

                  I'm a man so the rules are probably different, but in my case the courts would not accept a "Material Change in Circumstances" based on my ex going on LTD, refusing to work and refusing to cooperate with a PC, Police involvement, etc... While I agree with your proposed schedule, I'm not 100% sure the courts will accept a "change in circumstances" and change the schedule that has been in place for the last 4 years in your case. Mine is 1-1-1-1-3 and while it's better for having consistent days, it's a lot of back and forth. There was no willingness by the courts to change it.

                  In the case of summer camps, they should be treated as a Section 7 expense, but your ex doesn't have to use it. He could just as easily sign up your child at another summer camp and stick you with the Section 7 expense in return which seems really silly IMO.

                  It's a long road when you have an EX like this, I'm really sorry you are dealing with it. If I could offer advice that I wish I did is to do my best to "make friends" with my ex. Its a long and very expensive road to be dealing with courts or a PC constantly.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Gilligan View Post
                    I'm a man so the rules are probably different, but in my case the courts would not accept a "Material Change in Circumstances" based on my ex going on LTD, refusing to work and refusing to cooperate with a PC, Police involvement, etc...
                    I don't see how going on LTD would be a material change and if they're on LTD that means they were working with benefits. LTD would just be grossed up and used as their income. They might receive CPPD too. I receive both and still pay cs/ss.

                    You have shared custody so did you agree to no offset or why wasn't it ordered?

                    Comment

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