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  • can the ex's family get non-custodial rites

    Hi, it's been two months since my ex wife died. I had to take the ex's family to court to get to see my children after her death. The judge ordered that I get every weekend and every Wednesday night with my children. Being that I have to return my children to their aunt at the grandparents home by 8am in the morning, I have yet to take my children to school. Being that I can't pick them up until 4:30pm I have yet to pick them up from school. I am currently living with another woman and have been for a year. My children and her children get along great. Did I mention that I pickup and dropoff her children?
    Anyway the ex's family wants every other weekend access and every Wednesday after school to Thursday morning 9:30am. I feel they are asking for what a non-custodial parent "might get". I was never given or ordered that much access when the ex had temporary physical custody. What do you think the chances are that a judge will grant this much access to the ex's family?
    I have no issue with my children spending time or calling the ex's family or attending their gatherings. Also the ex's family will be able to attend all extra activities that the children are engaged in. I under stand that there is no law stating that family members have rights besides the mother and father, but if anyone has had experience with this please let me know.
    Oh and a side note, If the judge does grant them non-custodial access (I really hope not) do you think I could claim child support from them? lol

  • #2
    If you have no issue with them spending regular time with them, then you are better off agreeing and settling out of court.

    Getting the time off will do you good too, having a regular weeknight without the kids lets you sign up for a class, every other weekend would allow you to go out with friends, date, etc.

    Comment


    • #3
      I do not need to date that is already taken care of. I would rather spend time with my children. I also do not want to give up every other weekend. They were also asking for 4 weeks of the summer, one week of christmas, and half of the March break, and part of every long weekend. This is coming from the family that I had to take to court last christmas to see my children. I don't mind giving short amounts of time to the ex's family, but the way they talk to my children about me just breathes alienation. They will not let the children bring any of their positions with them when they come to me, reason being I quote " If your Dad loved you as much as we do, he would buy you these things too." There are two grandparents, an aunt and two uncles and then the three that are married in. It is hard to compete with 8 salaries on my own. I am going to court on this issue. I just wanted some feed back by anyone who has been in this situation.
      Thank you,
      She took the kids

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Mess View Post
        If you have no issue with them spending regular time with them, then you are better off agreeing and settling out of court.

        Getting the time off will do you good too, having a regular weeknight without the kids lets you sign up for a class, every other weekend would allow you to go out with friends, date, etc.
        That is crazy - he is their only parent. Would you suggest that if a married parent dies, that the remaining parent find family where the kids can live part time?

        Sharing access (overnight) access with a child is the best scenario when parents can't stay together, but it is unfortunate that kids have to live in two houses - if you only have one parent, you should be with that parent and live in only one home.

        I don't understand the original post - it seems the court has already ordered over night access rights for the relatives.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by billm View Post
          That is crazy - he is their only parent. Would you suggest that if a married parent dies, that the remaining parent find family where the kids can live part time?

          Sharing access (overnight) access with a child is the best scenario when parents can't stay together, but it is unfortunate that kids have to live in two houses - if you only have one parent, you should be with that parent and live in only one home.

          I don't understand the original post - it seems the court has already ordered over night access rights for the relatives.
          You are correct. There is PILES of case law that stops outlaws from taking kids this way. Unless the surviving parent is dangerous to the children. I am confused too.

          Comment


          • #6
            It's not crazy, if anything happened to my ex I would have no problem with my kids spending two weekends a month at their grandparents, especially if they had been living there already and had an existing relationship. True the courts rarely order a regime like this but there should be nothing outrageous about it. Before we divorced they visited overnight with aunts and grandparents regularly.

            She took the kids' issue is different in that the family is antagonistic and I understand that, but are you gaining more by fighting in court or by creating an amicable situation? If an amicable situation is possible, you know this and I don't.

            I would expect the existing court order is based on the children's existing primary residence with the grandparents and the grandparents are probably seeking joint custody and there is nothing to stop them seeking it.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Mess View Post
              It's not crazy, if anything happened to my ex I would have no problem with my kids spending two weekends a month at their grandparents, especially if they had been living there already and had an existing relationship. True the courts rarely order a regime like this but there should be nothing outrageous about it. Before we divorced they visited overnight with aunts and grandparents regularly.

              She took the kids' issue is different in that the family is antagonistic and I understand that, but are you gaining more by fighting in court or by creating an amicable situation? If an amicable situation is possible, you know this and I don't.

              I would expect the existing court order is based on the children's existing primary residence with the grandparents and the grandparents are probably seeking joint custody and there is nothing to stop them seeking it.
              Maybe I am reading it wrong. But the quote that caught me from the original posting was:

              " I had to take the ex's family to court to get to see my children after her death."

              So I am assuming the ex's family has custody. I may be assuming wrong.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by She took the kids View Post
                Hi, it's been two months since my ex wife died. I had to take the ex's family to court to get to see my children after her death. The judge ordered that I get every weekend and every Wednesday night with my children. Being that I have to return my children to their aunt at the grandparents home by 8am in the morning, I have yet to take my children to school. Being that I can't pick them up until 4:30pm I have yet to pick them up from school. I am currently living with another woman and have been for a year. My children and her children get along great. Did I mention that I pickup and dropoff her children?
                Anyway the ex's family wants every other weekend access and every Wednesday after school to Thursday morning 9:30am. I feel they are asking for what a non-custodial parent "might get". I was never given or ordered that much access when the ex had temporary physical custody. What do you think the chances are that a judge will grant this much access to the ex's family?
                I have no issue with my children spending time or calling the ex's family or attending their gatherings. Also the ex's family will be able to attend all extra activities that the children are engaged in. I under stand that there is no law stating that family members have rights besides the mother and father, but if anyone has had experience with this please let me know.
                Oh and a side note, If the judge does grant them non-custodial access (I really hope not) do you think I could claim child support from them? lol
                I agree with bill. Do not allow that access. My guess is that if it was mom left with the children there would be no question. Unless there is some problem with care for the child...abuse, drugs and so on.

                I do not see any problems with the child maintaining contact...but to allow that kind of access is just wrong and offensive. Especially if you're willing and able. It sounds like the grandparents/extended family are trying to keep their deceased child through their grandchild. I would suggest counselling to deal with their grief.

                Interesting question about cs? My first answer would be no. But if they're assuming such a parental role then why not?

                Comment


                • #9
                  I agree that it's in appropriate for you to make a court agreement with your ex's family, as though they inherited custody from her or something. If you and your ex had stayed together, the children would have ended up solely with you, but probably with lots of generous visiting with their maternal family. It seems like they're worried that you'll withhold the children from them altogether, so they want something in writing?

                  Perhaps you can set down some sort of guidelines, a legal document if they insist, explaining that you'll invite them to the children's important functions (birthdays, recitals, graduations soccer tournaments, whatever?) and they can invite the children over to their house for visits, which it will be up to you to permit or not. But mostly just see if you can figure out what their fears are. As I think I mentioned in a previous thread about your situation, they have probably been given a very one-sided view of your breakup from their daughter, and need to get over that.

                  But I would avoid any language that makes it sound like a custody agreement. Unless they are willing to pay child support!

                  And I don't know what ages your children are, but they will figure out that love is more than material possessions, and see that it's the grandparents who are not letting them take the toys home.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    This thread confuses me. If the children have only one surving parent, that parent should have defacto custody, unless there's something terribly wrong with that parent. Whether the children see your inlaws should be YOUR choice. Why did you have to go to court? Why were the inlaws given temporary custody after your ex's death?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Another reason to avoid wording that sounds like 'access' is that anyone with a right to 'visit and be visited by the child' automatically has additional rights regarding access to health/education information about the child... and probably more, not sure. You don't want them talking to the school and getting school reports etc (which the school would permit), and then with that foot in the door, trying to advise/direct the school.

                      'Access' - in particular a specific described access schedule - then also implies that you need their permission to make any plans that disturbs that access e.g. travel, move.

                      I think you want to make it clear that you are the ONLY guardian, and are free to move/travel however you like.
                      Last edited by dinkyface; 05-17-2011, 12:51 PM.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Tayken View Post
                        Maybe I am reading it wrong. But the quote that caught me from the original posting was:

                        " I had to take the ex's family to court to get to see my children after her death."

                        So I am assuming the ex's family has custody. I may be assuming wrong.
                        The ex had custody and was living with her family full time. When the ex died the family denied access to the OP. The family never had a permanent legal order for custody but neither did the OP. I am under the impression that the family had received an interim order, but the full details aren't clear. It's a sad story if you go back and read through all the other threads.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          No there was no custody assigned. the children's mother had temporary interim access pending a parental assessment which she would not do. They tried everything to keep my children from me. I do not wish to step to their level, but am guessing that they are afraid.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            having just gone through the passport renewal process I can tell you that anyone with court ordered access needs to sign the passport application and travel letter for you to travel, with or without sole custody. IF you do by chance agree to an access arrangement that reads anything like what you would see in a custody order then I would ensure that you also add a clause that makes it very clear that their permission, signatures, etc are NOT required for passport applications or travel letters. You'd also want to make sure there's no mobility limitations on where you can move.

                            I think granting them access by court order is a farce - but that's just me.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Also - She Took The Kids - how are the kids? Are they back with you now?

                              What a horrible situation - I hope you have some light at the end of this horrible tunnel soon!!!

                              Comment

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