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  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #11  
Old 03-30-2020, 08:03 PM
LovingDad1234 LovingDad1234 is offline
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Your ex is continuously shooting himself in the foot. I'd document everything. Keep it handy. When time is right, consider filing for sole custody, as he clearly cannot promote the relationship between the kids and the other parent.

Also, if the kids are continuously trying to be on the phone with him, he need not indulge them so much. The decent him for thing to do is limit the phone call to 10 minutes. Him allowing calls to go on for 40 minutes is adding to the "drama" as though you are the "bad guy" in all of this..
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  #12  
Old 03-31-2020, 12:37 PM
cranberry cranberry is offline
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The crazy thing is, we just switched from sole to joint! We have no court order because he won't sign off/approve the MOS. I had just started steps to get the damn thing made into an Order when all this started. I doubt I will be able to bring a motion to change once we have a court order; not enough time will have passed. Unless the learned people on this forum think differently and can point me in the right direction.

He has no concept of rules and common sense. Nothing, and I mean nothing, applies to him unless it is a benefit.

Seeing as we switched, I now pay child support. I received a call from FRO just yesterday, telling me the support deduction order was received in December and that my account just went active. The welcome packages were put in yesterday's mail. I informed my ex that I was finally active with FRO as he's been under the impression it has been active for months. His response was to tell me he was not accepting 3rd party information and that I was lying. Ummm, am I 3rd party on my own account? Is FRO? I have been receiving messages from him for months telling me that FRO is disgusted with me, they can't understand why I am deliberately withholding child support, and that they would be taking serious action against me. I told this to the person who called me yesterday; he just laughed (as have I been).

Phone calls are never less than half an hour. Last night was another marathon phone call. He's beginning to tell them what they can and cannot do in my home. Its getting out of hand and I guess the only thing I can do is document.
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  #13  
Old 03-31-2020, 01:53 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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So you had sole custody and it switched to joint with more for him? Hey if thats the case since he hasnt agreed to the settlement you should say you are going to revert to the current order which says sole to you!!
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  #14  
Old 03-31-2020, 02:08 PM
cranberry cranberry is offline
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I wish! But we all know the can of worms that would open!
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  #15  
Old 03-31-2020, 03:00 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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I would remind the kids that this is their home too not a prison and that you have their health and well being at the top of your mind. I would also show them the cleaning supplies and things you are doing to ensure they are in a safe environment. Finish it with that you know their dad is worried and you understand his fears but that they don’t have to be afraid or worry about what he says. If you make them a part of the “team” it will help.

Your ex is crazy.
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  #16  
Old 03-31-2020, 06:56 PM
Abba435 Abba435 is offline
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The damage that is done to kids by parents that are on the Cluster B and narcissistic spectrums is so sad. When forced to deal with these high functioning train wrecks it is essential and critical to stay calm, document, and get help yourself to keep your sanity. Try to find a lawyer that has educated themselves in Cluster B personalities. These people are incredibly challenging as you will know if you have ever been involved with one. Co-parenting with them is impossible. Parallel parenting is highly recommended. Is sounds like you created babies with a high functioning hard core Cluster B. You will never change them. They cannot change.
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  #17  
Old 04-01-2020, 11:55 AM
cranberry cranberry is offline
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You have hit the nail on the head. I avoid using the term on here due to negative reception. I keep myself in counseling, fought hard to get the boys into counseling, and have a kick ass, no nonsense lawyer. He's had us in and out of court since the boys were born (dumped me when I would not abort, thank God). Will never settle things just between us, always wants his day in court. He's never been the success party.

I live a co-parenting nightmare. We parallel parent but as usual, no orders apply to him. I have no idea what he says to our boys but all I know is they left on March 13th happy excited boys and return saying I cannot be trusted and am nothing but a lier.
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  #18  
Old 04-01-2020, 12:25 PM
Abba435 Abba435 is offline
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Look up Divorcing A Narcissist.
Is there any children's lawyer involved?
The kind of alienation you describe makes it hard to understand why joint custody was granted or agreed to.
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  #19  
Old 04-01-2020, 12:59 PM
cranberry cranberry is offline
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He forced us into a private parenting assessment. Paid fully by him with the exoectation the boys were going to be remived from my care. The assessor found issues in both homes and recommended joint parallel parenting. I was "given" the important stuff, he got team extra curricular activities and religion.

His behaviour towards me and the boys has ramped up since the report was released and the MOS signed. Everything is documented and in the hands of my lawyer.

And now I have another problem. He lives in Quebec and I in Ontario. I have just seen that the two provinces have decided to restrict travel between them. I would like to think that people who have to move their children between the two will be allowed to make the switch over. I have no idea which government department to call to make this clarification. Ugh, fml.
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  #20  
Old 04-01-2020, 01:28 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Contact the non emergency line for the quebec police force you would be traveling into. They will be the best source of info.

More than likely they will not turn you away. Or you could tell your ex that he can meet you at a border area and the kids can walk back and forth.

Be very careful though since he will try to use that to not bring them back to you.
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