Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 03-29-2020, 10:43 PM
cranberry cranberry is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 70
cranberry is on a distinguished road
Default My kids are home

My kids were brought home at 6 pm this evening. They walked in white as sheets, reluctantly gave me a hug. They then said I couldn't be trusted and I am nothing but a lier. They went upstairs and shut themselves in their room. They came out for dinner, ate and went back into their room. Prior to dinner, they had been on the phone with their dad for 40 minutes. I said bedtime at 9:30 and they were back on the phone with their dad by 10. My phone and my hands are tied due to "the parents will not influence nor interfere with the children's communication with the other parent" clause. They are both very aware of that clause

Holy fuck, I knew transition was gojng to be difficult but not like this! I did not force anything, let them be alone, let them feel their feelings. Yes, they knew I was upset and I did cry a little. I asked what could I do to help them?

At bedtime I said that we would take tomorrow off to just hang out and be together again. I suggested we could make a small plan for the next few days, nothing big. A friend gave them Pie Face, or whatever the game is called, for their birthday. I told them I got whipped cream to play.

I am devastated right now and really don't have anywhere to vent We have agreed on a 7-day rotation, which is pretty much what we had 🤬 my hope is we are at least calm and comfortable before they go back next Sunday. My fear is this will begin again.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 03-30-2020, 12:17 AM
Tayken's Avatar
Tayken Tayken is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 7,135
Tayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant future
Default

How old are the children?
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03-30-2020, 06:20 AM
Abba435 Abba435 is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Eastern Ontario
Posts: 395
Abba435 has a little shameless behaviour in the past
Default

Love them to the ends of the earth. They will sense that love even if they cannot make it cerebral. They also are deeply attuned to conflict so do not feed that monster, no mention of any conflict. Build the other parent up , do not tear them down in earshot of the kids. Dig deep. Dig deeper. Love them deeper. One day they WILL see the light and love you back. Maybe sooner than later. Sending you loving vibes.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 03-30-2020, 10:08 AM
cranberry cranberry is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 70
cranberry is on a distinguished road
Default

Tayken - 11 yr old twins.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 03-30-2020, 10:43 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 5,097
rockscan will become famous soon enoughrockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

I would ask them why they felt that way and apologize that they have been dragged into this mess. You donít have to bad mouth their other parent but you can reiterate to them that you love them, are worried about them and can provide them with a safe environment. Clearly your ex is not respecting the dont talk bad about the other parent clause.

Its difficult and confusing for them at this age and in this situation. You can give them some space but set clear boundaries on what they accuse you of. That there is more to it than they know and you will not accept the bad mouthing or accusations.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 03-30-2020, 10:53 AM
paris paris is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 579
paris is on a distinguished road
Default

Keep it simple. Try to reduce their fear of the virus. Even small children can understand the basics. As long as both households are practicing isolation and everyone is healthy the 7 day rotation is reasonable. They need to know that.
What finally convinced him to return the children?
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 03-30-2020, 01:37 PM
cranberry cranberry is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 70
cranberry is on a distinguished road
Default

We are doing pretty so far today. We all sleot until 9 and for the first while I ley them be and adjust. We've just had lunch and are cuddling on the couch.

He brought them home because his lawyer clued in to proper procedure during this time.

I am now the lucky recipient of what I call "thou shalt" messages from my ex. I haven't read them.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 03-30-2020, 02:44 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 5,097
rockscan will become famous soon enoughrockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by cranberry View Post
I am now the lucky recipient of what I call "thou shalt" messages from my ex. I haven't read them.
Ignore them. Or just remind him that you donít question his decisions on his time so you expect the same respect from him.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 03-30-2020, 02:45 PM
Abba435 Abba435 is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Eastern Ontario
Posts: 395
Abba435 has a little shameless behaviour in the past
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by cranberry View Post
We are doing pretty so far today. We all sleot until 9 and for the first while I ley them be and adjust. We've just had lunch and are cuddling on the couch.

He brought them home because his lawyer clued in to proper procedure during this time.

I am now the lucky recipient of what I call "thou shalt" messages from my ex. I haven't read them.
I really hope the kids are shielded as much as possible.

Will you:
a) keep copies of every single nasty communication and file for sole custody based on material change in circumstances (increased conflict not in the children's interests, alienation etc)
b) answer every message BIFFF telling him you are documenting every word and preparing for court action and to cease and desist
c) suck it up and ignore him
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 03-30-2020, 03:16 PM
cranberry cranberry is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 70
cranberry is on a distinguished road
Default

Are those trick questions? Lol! I am not going to respond, period. I haven't even really read them. Opened the messages, saw his usual rambling paragraphs and closed them. We use Our Family Wizard, so well documented.

Other comments yesterday as I was trying to keep them calm:

"Even if a judge says we have to, does not mean we have to". Responding to my telling them that a judge has said access is to continue.
"Well, what does the WHO say about access?" I think my face showed WTF?


My concern is my children. Ex can take a hike of the tallest mountain.

The both have their colour back and today has run pretty much like a weekend would in my house. I am not rushing to do school work as we need time to be together again.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Opinions needed -- chance of getting back together bleudar Divorce Support 11 04-14-2019 11:55 AM
kids events, how do yo handle them? denbigh Parenting Issues 7 11-03-2018 02:09 PM
Poisoning the minds of our kids J_Kitchener2010 Divorce & Family Law 11 10-01-2010 02:01 PM
mother of kids involved in dealing drugs with kids in the home crispy Parenting Issues 4 05-10-2007 07:21 AM
This whole "shared parenting" thing... sasha1 Political Issues 42 05-02-2006 06:44 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:21 PM.