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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 02-26-2020, 08:47 PM
HardWorkingDad HardWorkingDad is offline
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Default Same page parenting

S7 report card came out. Overall very well done. Teacher requested phone interview to discuss a few slight things such as needing to improve on hand writing and some selfish behavior during recess.
I reached out to the ex to talk about a game plan for homework to be the same at both houses and to keep a consistency between the homes for our son to succeed in academics. I was met with silence. She has mentioned in the past that co parenting will not work for her but I keep trying I'm hopes that she will see it's about our son and not her or I.
Am I dreaming in technicolor, wanting to have a same page format for our kids in our homes? I find it frustrating when I'm just looking out for my son's best interests.
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Old 02-27-2020, 08:24 AM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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I think in some ways you have to let her think it is her idea. Instead of saying something like...this is the way I would like to handle it or this is what I suggest, ask her first how she thinks the both of you should handle it. You gotta make her feel like the ball is in her court so maybe less resistance from her. If you have already tried that then I have no other ideas.
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Old 02-27-2020, 08:45 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Do what you want to do at your house and let her worry about hers. When she runs into a problem with her situation then you can address it.
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Old 02-27-2020, 09:39 AM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HardWorkingDad View Post
Am I dreaming in technicolor, wanting to have a same page format for our kids in our homes?
Easy, just do whatever she does, and you will both be on the same page.

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I find it frustrating when I'm just looking out for my son's best interests.
Oh, you don't want to do what she does, you want her to do what you do. This is not about both of you being on the same page, this is about her being on your page.

Good luck with that
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Old 02-27-2020, 12:30 PM
HardWorkingDad HardWorkingDad is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
Easy, just do whatever she does, and you will both be on the same

Oh, you don't want to do what she does, you want her to do what you do. This is not about both of you being on the same page, this is about her being on your page.

Good luck with that
Exactly why I am reaching out in the first place. I dont know what shes doing.


I dont even know what page she is on hence my reaching out. Hard to do that when being met with radio silence.
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Old 02-27-2020, 12:38 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Assume she is not going to agree to anything. Send her an email outlining your conversations and concerns. Tell her that you think you both should follow xyz as per the teachers instructions. Let her know you will be doing so at your house and if there is anything additional she would recommend to please let you know.

If you already have an ex who has zero desire to co parent there is no point trying to communicate. In your “reaching out” you simply tell them you are following the advice from the neutral party (teacher, doctor, therapist) and if they have anything else they wish to add to please do so.

My husband tried something similar to what you did years ago and was met with “I want money for xyz” so he stopped asking.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. You can have all the best intentions but still go to hell anyway. Don’t waste your energy trying, save it for the actual hill you want to die on. It is stupid, it sucks and you can’t believe it but this is the reality of divorce.

And for anyone saying a straightforward and detailed agreement will solve this...it won’t. That would be like saying both parents will not speak badly of the other. Unenforceable. Not worth the paper it is written on.
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Old 02-27-2020, 01:28 PM
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Exactly why I am reaching out in the first place. I dont know what shes doing.
I see your point.

That said, consistency is overrated. Kids adapt to the regime under which they operate. They will act one way at your house, another at the mother's house, another at school, and yet another with a friend.

So, enact whatever policies you desire at your house, and don't worry about what happens at mom's house. Perhaps homework will not be done at her house, but is that a disaster? Your son will experience school as a student who does homework, and will also experience school as a student who does not do homework. Hopefully, when he is older, he will consider the two models he has lived and choose your model (if it is better).

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I dont even know what page she is on hence my reaching out. Hard to do that when being met with radio silence.
Have you tried calling? Not necessarily an out of the blue call, perhaps send a text saying "I was wondering if I could call you to discuss S7's school situation?"

Many warring spouses might hesitate to discuss things openly in writing. If it was a phone call (that could not be easily used later in court) you might get a more candid exchange of ideas.

At the end of the day though, if she does not want to cooperate, she cannot be forced to cooperate. You just do the best at your house, and hope that your efforts are sufficient.
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Old 02-27-2020, 02:06 PM
PeacefulMoments PeacefulMoments is offline
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Honestly I’m not seeing anything in your original post that indicates any issues serious enough to warrant a united policy between houses. Needing a bit of improvement on handwriting doesn’t seem like a major issue and certainly is one you can address independently if you are concerned.
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Old 02-27-2020, 02:15 PM
Abba435 Abba435 is offline
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There are things that are better left under the responsibility of each parent. Maybe even better for the kids.
this is one of those from my vantage point.
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