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  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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  #1  
Old 02-15-2020, 08:45 AM
Jackdivorce Jackdivorce is offline
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Default Use CAS or avoid it

My abusive wife doesn't think twice before hitting me
In front of my 8 and 6 yr old kids
Even have done that in public and in front of my friends who are ready to testify what they witness to judge or CAS
I was about to engage them before pressing for my divorce when an old divorce collegue of mine warned me about the ills of CAS
in these kind of cases. He said that CAS would take the kids in their custody without thinking or considering our case and that leaves me startled.
I never hit my wife.. not even after she hits me
She has anger management issue but somehow we are managing to keep her quiet and avoid her anger getting in her. This mean I give all my desires and choices and just sticks to what she insists
Pl let me know if engaging CAS is healthy as I worry her violent deeds will impact my kids who have seen her beating their dad in any arguement and verbally abusing him too
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  #2  
Old 02-15-2020, 10:12 AM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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be very careful with this. You never reported it before and now that you want to file for divorce you want to report it. The timing stinks as you can bet that any judge or CAS themselves will wonder if its just a ploy to try and get custody. Yes your friends can say that they witnessed it but they are not good witnesses, they are your friends. Now if there would of been police called in the past for the issue then that would hold more weight.

I would forget about CAS. You never thought it was important enough to report it before.
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  #3  
Old 02-15-2020, 05:47 PM
Helpmyspouse Helpmyspouse is offline
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Involving CAS means you are going to have to satisfy to them that yes your wife is violent but how are you keeping your kids away from the conflict? So how do you propose to do this? Because you mentioned the kids have already been affected and exposed to this behaviour. You should be doing this anyway whether CAS is involved or not. Cas may ask you to leave the home with the children because they can't force your wife out of the home. If they question your ability to protect your kids they can be apprehended. Cas is not there to help you deal with your unstable and violent wife. They only care about child protection issues . Be prepared to have your life turned upside down. So just protect your kids from the chaos. You should be doing that anyway. If your kids mention what's happening at home to their teacher CAS could be called.
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  #4  
Old 02-15-2020, 08:46 PM
paris paris is offline
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I will tell you a short story.

Mom and Dad got into a fight and he hit her... in front of their 9 month old baby. Police were called and CAS took the baby into custody. The parents split immediately. Other extenuating things happened along the way, but Mom finally got custody of her baby and out of CAS care. Exactly 4 years and 8 months later.

True story, and a very common one when it comes to CAS.
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  #5  
Old 02-15-2020, 09:07 PM
Helpmyspouse Helpmyspouse is offline
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I believe your short story, Paris. That's why I said if he calls CAS what would happen is first he would have to satisfy CAS that he is able or has been protecting the children from the conflict. If he can't the children would be apprehended. And yup. Lots of money on lawyers and lots of years later for him to get his kids back. Because he is living under the same roof as the unstable, violent parent. It might be different if he had already left the home. Then CAS would see that he is no longer living with her and kids are protected when under his care. They would most likely impose supervised visits with the mother and "help" him out in this scenario. Its opening Pandora's box involving them. All he should be doing anyway is sheltering the kids from the conflict and chaos.
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  #6  
Old 02-17-2020, 04:36 PM
involveddad75 involveddad75 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by paris View Post
I will tell you a short story.

Mom and Dad got into a fight and he hit her... in front of their 9 month old baby. Police were called and CAS took the baby into custody. The parents split immediately. Other extenuating things happened along the way, but Mom finally got custody of her baby and out of CAS care. Exactly 4 years and 8 months later.

True story, and a very common one when it comes to CAS.
Can you please provide case law for this. All apprehensions are followed by an application by the CAS to the courts.

You can say it's a true story, but please support it with case law.
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  #7  
Old 02-17-2020, 05:04 PM
involveddad75 involveddad75 is offline
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If your contacting them as a strategic position or move in family court, don't don't don't.

So a few of you know my situation, I'm the recipient of now 12 malicious allegations of child abuse, all closed as unfounded. None directly from my ex, but all associated to her. My ex is a social worker and knows how to get people "strangers" who have never even met me to call and make complaints against me and my family.

Back in 2012 there was 5 calls to CAS just getting to trial. Our family court judge indicated that our case was one of the worst cases of CAS manipulation he had ever seen. My ex had a lawyer and I self represented.
After the trial we were awarded equal shared parenting.

Since then the calls have simply gotten more and more serious, the last one was a summer camp this summer in which the camp called CAS 4 times in 1 week. (My ex's sister was a camp director) you get the picture. This time they claimed my daughter disclosed, which involved threats of death, choking allegations and other allegations. They even tried to get the CAS to search my home as my daughter allegedly journals the atrocities she suffers at my home and these journals are hidden in my home. The staff member who drove the children to camp actually gave my daughter a journal to take into the CAS interview to make the allegations more truthful. My daughters during the interview disclose the journal was given to her, that she doesn't journal and hasn't in 3 years. What does CAS do, they simply close the file and move on. Doing nothing to help the situation. Nothing to protect the children.

I could go on, let telling you I have taken the CAS to court to obtain the identities of the referral sources. And that I successfully sued my ex and co-worker for a call. I wish I could tell you that made her stop, but the 4 allegations this summer says differently.

Our child welfare system does need an overhaul, but until that happens, victims will continue to suffer in silence until we group together and take on the system as whole.

Lastly I choose not to share the case laws in my situation as I'm under a publication ban which I am trying to lift. While some of the case law has been removed from canlii.org at the request of the judge, others are still posted.

I am a victim and being told I can't share public documents, go figure.

Just my thoughts.
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  #8  
Old 02-17-2020, 06:54 PM
Jackdivorce Jackdivorce is offline
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Cas was involved 2 yrs back when she hit me and in anger I called the police. Since she hit me in front of kids.. and was recorded by my friend who was incidentally recording it on my request.. my wife loses her mind when she gets angry. . The cops saw the assault and also noticed that kids are in scene. They forwarded to the cas who interviewed me. Unfortunately due to in law pressure and kids missing mother.. I decided to support her in front of the cas.
Maybe I did a mistake but considering my kids were just 4 and 6.. I didnt want them to suffer for our quarrel. So I dod tell them that yes she gets angry and violent but otherwise she is nice to kids. However.. the video clearly shows she disregarded the presence kids in her anger. I hope post divorce she will be nice to the kids but I worry sole custody as there seems to be an understanding that family court prefers mother over father
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  #9  
Old 02-17-2020, 07:38 PM
paris paris is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by involveddad75 View Post
Can you please provide case law for this. All apprehensions are followed by an application by the CAS to the courts.

You can say it's a true story, but please support it with case law.
Sorry I donít think there is a case law I can provide. It happened to my daughter-in-law before she met my son. He was very involved in getting her child back. It was a long battle and I left out many of the details because they didnít help make my point.

My point was, in my experience you tread very carefully with CAS.
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  #10  
Old 02-20-2020, 04:25 PM
dad2bandm dad2bandm is offline
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CAS is never your ally.
Especially if you're a man. Probably depends on the agency, but the one in our area, is incompetent, or under-resourced. Probably both.



They bungled things very badly in my own case. I ended up with primary custody of child, but that was despite CAS being involved.


I repeat - CAS is never your ally.
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