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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 01-21-2020, 06:09 PM
cranberry cranberry is offline
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Default What would you do?

Ex and I banged together a new court order at the end of September 2019. It is actually still Minutes of Settlement though because he is refusing to agree to them as written by HIS lawyer. That's not my problem. We have been operating as if the Minutes were an actual Order regardless of its official status.

The new terms see our boys with me exclusively during the week and with their dad exclusively on weekends. However, I can choose 4 weekends throughout a year where the boys will be with me.Within a week of signing the Minutes, I sent my chosen weekends to him via my lawyer. He rejected them all, offering the weekend before or after. Letters are flying back and forth due to the Minutes not being an order yet and each time we include the weekends I have chosen. He is very aware that I have chosen this time.

The first weekend I have chosen is this weekend coming (Jan 24-26). When I picked my guys up after school today, they excitedly told me a sledding party has been planned at their dad's next weekend; invitations sent out today. They were able to tell me that it is his weekend because he has not agreed my having them this weekend. I did not ask them any information. This was all from the mouths of babes.

My lawyer has told me to take them out of school early for the weekend and I am leaning strongly on doing so. This sledding party has been put together purely to set both me and the boys up. The man lives an hour away and in all of their almost 11yrs has never allowed friends to come for play dates. I know this is a set up. Both boys are extremely angry with me right now and have pulled away. I am saying nothing other than "this is between your dad and me only", and I am sticking to that.

What would you do? Take them out early and keep them for the weekend? Or let the weekend go and wait for his approval on a weekend?
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Old 01-21-2020, 07:02 PM
paris paris is offline
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How important is this weekend to you? You donít have an Order as yet. If you take the boys early and keep them you will likely alienate them. Were any of the other weekends he offered you workable?
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Old 01-21-2020, 07:05 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is online now
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Well seeing as nothing has been signed you really donít have an agreement to follow but you 100% are going to piss off your kids... regardless of why dad has done this, you will be the bad one. It is clear you really have no big plans or you would have mentioned that in your post, I also find it iffy your lawyer would advise you to pull the kids early and put them in that position. There is no way for you to come out on top of this one. I guess you have to decide whatís more important... your kids being happy and enjoying their sledding party or having pissed off kids for the next week...

How did invites get sent out if you have them exclusively during the week?


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Old 01-21-2020, 08:01 PM
cranberry cranberry is offline
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Change over time happens when he drops them at school Monday morning. They remained in his care due yesterday to anither one day teacher's strike. When I picked them up tonight, they excitedly told me about their sledding party planned for this weekend and that they handed invitations out today.

Based on your two responses, I have just emailed my lawyer that I will cough up thiscparticular weekend and we will work on the next.
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Old 01-21-2020, 08:05 PM
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mcdreamy mcdreamy is offline
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I'd book the weekend at your nearest Great Wolf Lodge, and have a great time with my kids. With apologies to those invited to a sled party, made in error.

eta: I should add, I would not ever have agreed to exclusive weekends to one party.
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Last edited by mcdreamy; 01-21-2020 at 08:07 PM.
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Old 01-21-2020, 09:07 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cranberry View Post
Change over time happens when he drops them at school Monday morning. They remained in his care due yesterday to anither one day teacher's strike. When I picked them up tonight, they excitedly told me about their sledding party planned for this weekend and that they handed invitations out today.

Based on your two responses, I have just emailed my lawyer that I will cough up thiscparticular weekend and we will work on the next.


It sucks I know... my step daughter is in a sport that happens every Sunday and most Saturdays... on the weekends she is with us we take her as often as we can... itís a sport she does with her mom, her fiancť and her step sister... it seems every tournament she has falls on our weekends, most tournaments are about 1-2 hours away... her big tournament is over 3 hours away... we give up this weekend so she can enjoy hers, we never get make up time... we could go yes, but we also have a 2 year old and 1 year old and them sitting in a cold arena for 3 days isnít ideal... I know itís not the same situation as youíre facing but I understand what itís like to give up time.

Push to get that agreement signed, make sure the clause states YOU get to pick the weekends, not it being agreed on... he wonít ever agree


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Old 01-22-2020, 12:07 AM
cranberry cranberry is offline
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Berner:

Forced into a private parenting assessment; he wanted it and said he would pay for the entire thing.
Assessor's recomendations included this arrangement as being best for their school.
I hated this on paper and I despise living it.
Our boys have lived with their parents in and out of court their entire lives.
I chose not to fight her schedule recomendation thinking it would be what is best for them and putting court behind us.
Silly me.
The minutes of settlement has very specific wording. The weekends are my choice, no negotiating. My lawyer has made that very clear in her correspondence.
I do have defined weekend time, extra holiday time and that has essentially been followed with MOS only.
I also have four weekends of my choosing, the issue at hand here.


He has known since the beginning of October that I wanted this weekend specifically so they could go to cub camp. He talked them out of that. Every single letter between our lawyers had my list. This was done on purpose. I have decided not to fight this one; it involves too many kids. I have already picked its replacement and will not budge on it and the other three choices I have already made.

I wish I could afford to go somewhere but just can't. And also because we don't have a court order; I don't want to open that can if worms. Would be awesome though!
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Old 01-22-2020, 12:57 PM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Get a year long calendar. Post it prominently in the kitchen. Highlight your weekends in bright neon pink, where the kids will see it repeatedly throughout the year.

Once the kids are on board, your move is easy, you just take them for your weekends.

That said, seems like a terrible schedule. It might work with a cooperative other parent, but it seems like he is not. It might be worth just sucking it up and going to trial. I think you might be headed there in a year or so anyway.
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